How to Blow Her Mind in Bed: The essential guide for any man who wants to satisfy his woman

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The Soul of an Organization: Understanding the Values That Drive Successful Corporate Cultures Richard S. Gallagher Year: 2002 Language: english File: PDF, 735 KB

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The Demands of Reason: An Essay on Pyrrhonian Scepticism Casey Perin Year: 2010 Language: english File: PDF, 754 KB

HOW TO

BLOW HER

MIND IN BED
The essential guide for any man
who wants to satisfy his woman

siski green

HOW TO

BLOW HER

MIND IN BED

HOW TO

BLOW HER

MIND IN BED
The essential guide for any man
who wants to satisfy his woman

siski green

Copyright © 2008 by Siski Green
Cover and internal design © 2008 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Kelly Letros
Cover photo © iStockPhoto.com, JBryson
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or
by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and
retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher,
Sourcebooks, Inc.
Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567–4410
(630) 961–3900
Fax: (630) 961–2168
www.sourcebooks.com
First published in 2007 by Piatkus Books Ltd, London.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Green, Siski.
How to blow her mind in bed : the essential guide for any man who
wants to satisfy his woman / Siski Green.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-1-4022-1358-8 (alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 1-4022-1358-1 (alk. paper)
1. Sex instruction. I. Title.
HQ56.G68 2008
613.9’6082—dc22
2008032076
Printed and bound in the United States of America
DR 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Josecito, te amo más!

Contents
Acknowledgments  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . xi
Introduction .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . xiii
1:Flirting  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 1
Your Silent Signals
Her Silent Come-Ons
The Approach
Real Girls Tell All
2:Kissing  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 25
Why You Must Kiss
Kissing Technique
Timing and Locations
Real Girls Tell All

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3:Breasts .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 47
Admiring Her Breasts
Knowing Her Breasts
Touching Her Breasts
Real Girls Tell All
4:Sex Positions  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 73
Her On Top
You On Top
On All Fours
Side By Side
Standing
Real Girls Tell All
5:Giving Oral  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 95
Finding Your Way
Technique
Best Positions
Real Girls Tell All
6:Getting Oral  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 121
First Times
Helping Her to Get It Right
Encouraging More Oral
Real Girls Tell All

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7:Using Your Hands On Her Body  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 145
Her Body
Your Touch
Her Touch
Hands-Solo Style
Real Girls Tell All
8:Sex Toys  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 175
Introducing Toys
Using Toys
Household Objects
Real Girls Tell All
9:Sex Fantasies  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 193
Her Fantasies
Your Fantasies
Real Girls Tell All
References  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 209
Index  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . 215

Acknowledgments
Thank you to my wonderful family for being supportive without being nosy; Graeme Gourlay, an inspirational editor and publisher, for giving me my first
career break and giving me the confidence to keep
moving forward; to Morgan Rees for encouraging
me to write about sex and relationships and to always
strive for perfection; to Jake at Conville and Walsh
for his perseverance and support.
I learned a lot by reading some other fantastic sex
books: Lou Paget’s The Big O: How to Have Them, Give
Them, and Keep Them Coming, Dr Sadie Allison’s Tickle Your
Fancy: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure, Tracey Cox’s
Superhotsex, and Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden. I’ve also
had some great advice from sex counselor Dr Pam
Spurr, psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford, and Relate
counselor Paula Hall.

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I’d also like to say thank you to Joe Mackie, Rob Kemp,
Hecks, Nicky, Pip, Ray, Jo and Justin, Elain, Kirsten,
Blommers, and anyone else I may have momentarily
forgotten—for talking, listening, and just being there.
Please see www.siskigreen.com for more about me and
to email any tips and techniques you’d like to share.

Introduction
I view sex as I do eating: it’s an essential part of my
life, but I try hard not to take it for granted. And,
like eating, I like to think about sex even when I’m
not doing it. Just as I would consider the ingredients I’m going to cook with, which spices to add,
and how I’ll heat it up and serve it, I’ve spent a lot
of time thinking about the different ways people
can explore sex. What makes my thoughts about sex
different, though, is that I get paid to put them on
paper—something I can’t claim for my enthusiastic
home cooking.
Since I started writing about sex five years ago, I’ve
had everyone from the plumber to family members
telling me their sexual secrets and concerns. Sex, it
seems, is something we’ve all got lots to say about,

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only we tend not to say it out loud. That’s a shame
because, like great recipes handed down from generation to generation, I think there are probably a lot
of fantastic sexual tricks and techniques that we could
all learn from (and if you’d like to share them, please
feel free to email them anonymously to the address
given on page xii).
So, based on what I’ve learned through my own experiences as well as hundreds of ideas and techniques
I’ve learned from others, I’ve tried to provide an
insight into what sex is like for a woman to give you an
idea of what feels great, what she hates, and the things
she wishes you’d do more of. I want you to finish this
book feeling that you’ve got a better understanding
of women, that you’ve learned exactly how to make
her feel fantastic in bed, and, most importantly, that
you’re so charged up with new ideas that you just can’t
wait to try them out.
Remember, though, that in sex, just like in cooking,
each chef has his or her own favorite ingredients,
preferred techniques, and signature dish. This book,
like a recipe book, is here to guide and advise you—but
if you’d like to add a little more salt or a little less
pepper, keep things boiling a little longer, or skip a
particular recipe completely, please do so. There is

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only one absolute rule when it comes to phenomenal
sex: there are no rules, just good advice. And that’s
what I hope to provide in this book.

1

Flirting
Here’s a fact that may surprise you: every day you pass at
least one beautiful woman who would consider getting
naked with you. Open your eyes a little wider and you
might just see her. And experts say that most women—
beautiful or otherwise—decide whether they’d like to get
naked with you between 90 seconds and four minutes
of meeting you. Yet, despite an ever-wider variety of
ways to meet other singles—from matchmaking to
Internet dating—there are now more single men and
women than ever before. So what’s going on?
Well, to begin with, you give off the wrong signals a
lot of the time. And even when you’ve got that right,
you lack the ability to read her subtle signals. Men
are notoriously inept at reading non verbal cues
from women, and in today’s fast-paced society this

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ineptitude results in hundreds, if not thousands, of
missed opportunities. In one study undertaken by
the BBC, men were twice as likely to categorize facial
expressions incorrectly when compared with women.
And yet, when scientists assessed what women were
checking out when they met a man, 55 percent of
their first impression was based on body language, 38
percent on the tone and speed of your voice, and a
paltry 7 percent on what you’re actually saying! All the
more reason to discover the surprisingly obvious ways
women show their attraction to you and use it to your
full advantage.

Your Silent Signals

See it as your shortest interview ever: you’ve got a few
minutes to convince a woman you want the job and
that she should consider you for the role of lover.
Find out what she’s thinking about your body, what
you’re wearing, and your posture.
Work your body

Believe it or not, a woman will try to size up what’s in
your underpants in the same way that you check out a
woman’s breasts or behind when you see her for the

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first time. To assess this, researchers making a program
about sexual attraction filmed people walking down
the street. As a woman passed a man, she would look
at his face, then down between his legs, just as a man
looked toward a woman’s breasts and then her hips.
Most women had no idea they did this.
What is she looking for? A reasonable-sized package of
course! Size does matter; if it didn’t, humans wouldn’t
have evolved to have larger penises than their ape relatives. Our cousins the chimps have penises half the
size of a human’s, and the poor gorilla has an average
length of just 4cm (1½ in). This would indicate that
in prehistoric times human females had a preference for longer and bigger penises, and over time,
the average penis size grew to be approximately 15cm
(6in). So to make sure she knows you’re adequate in
the trouser department—get a proper-fitting pair of
jeans and give all the girls something to look at.
What if there’s not much to show?

If you’re a fan of baggies or you’re not convinced
your package is big enough, don’t worry—there are
plenty of other ways you can use your body to attract a
woman. The way you stand, for example, will tell her
what you’ll be like in bed. One foot behind the other

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says you’re a bit shy or nervous; a wide leg stance says
you’re feeling confrontational; and standing with
your feet hip-width apart, facing toward her, says
you’re just right.
Your back and chest give out even more messages: a
stiff, upright posture will make you look like you’ll
be unloving and quite possibly uptight; sticking your
chest out too far will make you look as though you’ll
try to dominate; rounded shoulders make you look
lacking in confidence; and letting your stomach hang
out makes you look like you just don’t give a s*it.
Take a deep breath then exhale, and your shoulders
will naturally drop back and down and your chest
will fill out; lift your chin a little so that you look
confident and open; and only ever put one hand in
a pocket—two makes you look like you’re playing with
something in there.
And to give her even more to look at up top, rather
than down below, keep your hair in great condition.
Subconsciously, both men and women are attracted to
mates with strong hair, because if it shines, is vibrant
in color, and is free of dandruff, it gives the impression you’re getting essential nutrients in your diet. A
clean, fresh-smelling head of hair will also encourage

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her to nuzzle your ear or neck…and no woman will
want greasy, dirty hair on her bedroom pillows. But
don’t be put off if you haven’t got much of your own
hair—a closely shaved head is equally sexy. Touching
your shaved head as you talk to a woman is a sexy move.
The scalp is an incredibly erotic part of the body—just
ask any woman who gets a regular head massage at the
hairdresser. Moving your open hand over it, from the
nape of the neck upwards, is damned sexy, because it
draws her attention to an erotic part of your body,
your neck.
Let her know she’s sexy

So you’ve clocked a woman you’d like to get to know
better, and you want to show her you’re interested,
so you smile. Great move—just make sure you give
it your all. That first smile is like the kick off at a
football game: it sets the tone for the rest of the
game. For a fighting chance, you need to put some
effort into it; a half-hearted, close-mouthed smile
just won’t cut it. Instead, make sure your message
is clear—when you crack a genuine smile, you show
your teeth and all your facial muscles are involved.
Social anthropologist Helen Fisher has studied
sexual attraction in different cultures around the
world, and the teeth-flashing smile, along with

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raised eyebrows, is a universally recognized signal of
sexual interest.
If a big toothy grin isn’t something you can bring
yourself to attempt, do the classic double take. Aside
from a smile, the double take is the single most effective nonverbal move you can master. Catch her eye,
look away, then look back within just a few seconds,
and it’s like saying, “I can’t believe how sexy you are”
out loud. But make sure you hold her gaze for just a
few seconds longer than would normally be considered polite on the second look, and now flash her that
warm smile.
Doing this is a real ego boost for the woman in question, and costs you nothing at all. If she doesn’t
respond, you just go back to whatever you were
doing—drinking your beer, walking down the street,
shopping for milk—but if she does react positively,
your pathway is clear for approach, which we’ll get
to later.
Move closer

If the woman you’ve set your sights on is a colleague
or a friend of a friend, there are other nonverbal ways
you can increase your potential attraction. To begin
with, get your handshake right. Firmness is a good

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start; by far the worst handshake is one where your
hand is limp and clammy. But how you look after
your hands is also important—she knows that if she
goes to bed with you, those hands are going to be all
over her.
And even if she doesn’t touch your hands, she will
notice your fingernails. If you chew them, if they’re
dirty, if they’re too long—whatever is wrong with them,
she’ll pick up on it and will be less attracted to you.
This is largely due to a subconscious assessment of
your hygiene: your fingers will be touching her in
places where germs and bacteria are easily transferred.
Where you put your hands is also a great way to get
her gaze to land where you want: if you’ve got great
biceps, let your hand move over your nut-crackers;
if you’ve got a washboard stomach, give it a little pat
or gentle rub; and touching the back of your neck is
always a winner. Lifting your arm to touch the back of
your neck with your hand does two things: it gives her
a better chance of catching your personal scent and it
reveals a sensitive part of your body, your wrists.
Showing your inner wrist is the equivalent of her
revealing her neck, an erotic body part. It’s a vulnerable,
sensitive part of your body because the blood is so

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close to the surface. But solid wrists are also a sign of
strength. It’s one of the physical aspects of a man that
makes him different from a woman, and so in the same
way that you find tiny ankles or a slim neck sexy, she
finds thick wrists attractive.
You smell good!

Each of us has a genetic “odor”—and if she leans in
close or you raise your arm (to touch the back of your
head, as mentioned earlier), you’re unwittingly letting
her get a good sniff. In an Austrian study, women
were given T-shirts that had been worn by a number
of men. The women were shown photographs of the
T-shirts’ owners and were asked to smell each T-shirt
while simultaneously looking at the owner’s photo.
This was repeated a number of times, but the women
were given a different combination of T-shirts and
photos each time. When the women were asked
which T-shirt-photo combination they preferred,
each woman picked the same T-shirt that she had
picked previously, regardless of which photograph she
had been shown. The scent on the T-shirts caused the
women to see a man as more attractive, regardless of
what he actually looked like.

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Attraction to a particular male scent is peculiar to
the individual woman. This “scent code” prevents
us mating with people we’re closely related to, and
helps us choose mates who will give the best chance of
healthy offspring.
Giving off “stay away” signals

Sometimes you inadvertently give out the message that
you’d rather not meet a woman—this is never more so
than when you’re with a big group of mates. If you’re
the kind of guy who goes out regularly with his mates
and never has any luck with the ladies, it could be
because you look like you’re having too much fun.
Men in a big group, particularly when they’re laughing
loud and hard, are unlikely to find much success (and
by “success” I don’t mean mauling a drunken girl;
I’m referring to attracting women who are still sober
enough to make a conscious decision).
All that standing around and making banter with your
male buddies can further hinder your chances with
the ladies. Studies have shown that men in groups are
more competitive and display competitive behavior;
this helps to raise testosterone levels, which makes you
more aggressive and louder. While these traits might
help give you raised status among your male friends,
they’re likely to scare potential girlfriends off.

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To look approachable, hang out with no more than
two other friends, and if you see someone who catches
your eye, stand slightly apart from the others, and
indicate your interest with the all-important smile
and double take. If you shake off some mates, you’ll
get far more dates.
Wearing it well

You have a few more tricks up your sleeve—but make
sure that sleeve is cashmere. A woman’s love of cashmere and silk isn’t about material wealth; it’s about
enjoying how those materials feel. For example, cashmere feels particularly soft because it has finer hairs
than sheep’s wool (the very softest is gathered from
the Cashmere goat’s underbelly). Think about how
your clothes feel as well as look, and you’ll find women
getting a lot more hands-on with you.
How your clothes fit is really important, too. When
female readers of several women’s magazines were
asked to say how they’d improve men’s looks, 44
percent said they’d prefer them to wear snug sweaters
rather than shapeless and baggy ones; 55 percent
said your jeans are too loose; and 37 percent said
your suit needs to be tailored properly. She doesn’t
want you to look like you spend hours in front of

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the mirror—she just wants to see that manly body
under all those layers. Use a tape measure around
your chest to find what size you should be wearing,
and ask for a proper fitting when you next go clothes
shopping. Better still, ask a female friend to come
with you to advise.
And one final word of warning: be extremely wary
of leather clothing. Like fast, red sports cars, leather
jackets usually contain unattractive men trying to look
good/young/rich. Lose it. If you’re overweight, a
leather jacket will serve only to draw attention to your
size. If you’re slim, a leather jacket can make you look
pigeon-chested.
Make sure your jacket fits properly on your shoulders;
one that hangs over the edges of your shoulders makes
them look rounded and your posture bad. Instead,
draw attention to your slimness with a fitted style.
The shoes, the shoes

If you’ve put all this effort into your clothing, don’t
forget your shoes. It is a cliché, but for good reason,
that women do judge you by what’s on your feet.
Caring about how the shoes work with the rest of
your outfit, and keeping them clean and relatively
new-looking, shows that you pay attention to detail.

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That’s attractive in a man. A man who cares enough
to keep his shoes shining, and ensures they match
his trousers and socks, will also care enough to know
that she likes freesias rather than roses, a cappuccino
rather than a latte, or a kiss on the forehead before
she goes to sleep.

Her Silent Come-Ons

Now for those non verbal cues she’s giving you, the
ones you’re usually oblivious to. Spend some time
watching other men and women interact with each
other and you’ll observe most of these signs.
She’s looking hot!

So she’s made an effort to look good—had her hair
done and bought a new dress—and your tongue is
scraping the floor as you watch her walk through the
room. But, the sad truth is that you’re actually less
likely to succeed when she’s looking her finest.
She may have gone to the hair salon with the intention of looking her best, and it may even be that
she’s done it with the intention of catching a man’s
eye. It may even be your eye she wants to catch.
It’s unfortunate, but drawing lots of attention to

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herself in this way will mean she’ll be getting lots
of people—men and women—talking to her, taking
up her time, and distracting her from you, or any
other man for that matter.
Don’t get disheartened, however, because there are
certain days when single women are more likely to find
you attractive. Studies have shown that when women
are at their most fertile—14 days before the first day
of their period—they are also at their most easily
aroused. And a study undertaken in Austria assessed
how much clothing women were wearing when going
out to a nightclub at different times of the month.
They were found to wear far more revealing clothing
at their most fertile time of the month. (The same
change was not observed in women on the contraceptive pill, however.)
Who turned the heat up?

Body heat has more to tell you about how she’s
feeling. If she’s attracted to you, and you’re talking,
her attraction could cause her to shed some layers
of clothing. When she feels sexual attraction, blood
rushes to her cheeks, her lips, and her genitals, and
her body temperature rises a little, making her look
and feel flushed.

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Most of these physiological symptoms are emulated by
her through the use of make-up—women spend vast
sums on blush and lipstick in order to look more
beautiful, but few realize that they’re simply mimicking
a natural state of sexual arousal.
And if you experience “butterflies” in your stomach
when you look at her or touch her, you’re also feeling
a physiological response to sexual arousal. As blood
rushes to your genitals in anticipation of sex, it
drains from the stomach, creating that funny feeling
in your stomach.
Recognizing the look of lust

Despite what most erotic magazines and films might
lead you to believe, a non-smiling, smoldering look
isn’t the best indicator that she wants to get naked
with you. She’s far more likely to giggle like an idiot
when she’s attracted to you. Studies of women and
their interactions with men have revealed that flirtation has the same pattern in any culture—she lowers
her chin, raises her eyes, and covers her face as she
laughs. You didn’t really think your one-liners were
funny, did you?
Once you’re talking, check out her eyes—is she
blinking a lot? It’s not because she’s got something in

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her eye, it’s because she likes you. Batting her eyelids,
fluttering her eyelashes, making eyes at you—whatever
you want to call it, blinking is a sure sign of attraction. Studies have revealed that women blink more
times per minute when they find a man sexy.
Keep looking at her eyes for more clues: where she
moves them when looking at your face is a good indicator of attraction, too. We all look at people’s mouths
when we talk, but with someone we’re attracted to, we
do it more often. If her eyes move from yours down
to your mouth, back up and back down again rather
than just occasionally wandering to your mouth, then
you could be in for a good night. Be aware, though, if
you’re in a loud venue, she may just be lip-reading!

The Approach

Now you know how to catch her eye, find the right
place and the best way to make your approach.
Find your place

Bars and pubs are full of partner-hungry people—you
can almost smell the desperation in the air. Instead,
approach women in places they don’t expect it. Here
are some places to try:

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Department stores/unisex clothes shops
Shops are a virtually untapped date resource. The
only men seen there are usually sitting outside the
changing rooms looking miserable, and yet meeting a
woman is easier here than in a bar or pub.
The trick:
Ask her advice and explain that you’re buying
something for your sister or another female relative. This lets her know you’re single, otherwise
you’d have asked your girlfriend/wife for advice,
and it gives you an opportunity to engage her in
conversation.

Music concerts
Having a common interest gives you an opportunity
to talk to each other, plus it gives you a great excuse to
ask her on a second date—to another concert.
The trick:
Before you head out to a concert with the aim of
meeting a woman, research other similar events
or bands playing in the near future so that you
can ask her to join you.

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Salsa class
A higher ratio of women to men attend dancing classes
and the sexy, close style of salsa is a great way to break
down barriers and get comfortable with strangers.
The trick:
Learn some of the moves at a small salsa class,
then move to a bigger group. Showing her you’ve
got some level of skill will impress her and make
you look smoother on the dance floor.

Walking the dog
Men who care about animals are seen as being more
caring overall—something women look out for.
The trick:
Ask her about her dog. Or, if she doesn’t have
one, tell her about yours. Don’t do this if you’re
in a secluded spot—approaching a woman in a
place like that is just plain scary.
Getting your approach style right

Women love the cheeky guy best. Of course, there are
exceptions—some women prefer the strong, silent

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type, or the deep thinker, or even arrogant know-italls—but cheeky guys get the best overall results.
Teasing is a form of affection in many cultures. It’s a
way to get people relaxed and laughing, but it is also a
form of flirtation. Like play fighting at school, it’s a
way of encouraging interaction, and if you can achieve
getting someone of the opposite sex riled, it’s often a
good indicator that they like you. Women tend not
to get so irritated with people they don’t care about
at all.
Where to draw the line

Not sure how to differentiate between cheeky and
plain rude? Use this brief guide:
Cheeky
Plain rude

Tickling her.
Pinching her bottom.

Cheeky

Laughing when she says something silly.
Laughing when she trips or spills
a drink.

Plain rude

Cheeky

Coyly asking her to feed you a
mouthful of what she’s eating.

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Plain rude

Grabbing a chip off her plate.

Cheeky

Saying, “You’re quiet now, but I
bet that when you let loose, you
really go wild.”
Saying, “You’re quiet now, but I
bet you’re a screamer in bed.”

Plain rude

19

Getting your “sell” right

When you’re talking about your life, make everything
positive for at least the first five dates. That doesn’t
mean you have to say your life is fantastic when it’s
not, but you must avoid telling her about your problems at work, difficulties with your family or bad feelings about the world in general. That can all come
later. Women are naturally inclined to listen, and she
may even seem to be encouraging you to talk through
any problems, but telling her your negative thoughts
at such an early stage won’t make her want to get you
naked. Worse, rather than having had a fun night
filled with laughter, she’ll leave the date feeling like
she’s helped you through your problems—that’s nice
but not sexy.
And while you’re there, aim to show her that you do
interesting things with your spare time—mention your

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drumming class or your love of Tai Bo, for example,
and she’s likely to find you more attractive. Women are
naturally attracted to men who display varying abilities
and adaptability. She may not have any personal interest
in your hobby or pastime, but the fact that you’ve got
one shows you’re not a one-dimensional guy.
Don’t talk about any one part of your life for more
than a few minutes at a time—it will give that aspect
too big an emphasis. A man who has spent too long a
time focusing on one particular aspect of his life, be it
his body, his career, or eating, comes across as obsessive and single-minded—not great traits for a healthy
relationship. A balanced individual who takes care and
interest in all these areas is far more attractive.
Time to ask her out!

You’ve been talking, the pub’s about to close, the
café owner is giving you dagger looks, or the museum
security guard is ushering you toward the exit—now is
the time to do your asking. Do it!
I’ll admit it, not every woman you meet would like to
lock lips with you, but the biggest complaint from single
women is that men simply don’t ask, so take the chance
whenever you can. During an informal experiment

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undertaken for use in a television program, male
participants were told to go up to complete strangers
and ask these women if they would sleep with them that
night. They didn’t ask for a date, or for a chat—they
asked straight out if the woman would sleep with them.
One out of ten said yes—without any chatting up or
preamble. Just imagine what would happen if you
asked ten women out. Take any opportunity you can.
When you ask her out, be careful about what you
suggest. If she was a total stranger before tonight,
chances are an offer of dinner might be too full on.
Unless she knows you, it’s difficult to say yes to a drink,
let alone a dinner date, even if she thinks you’re sexy as
hell—after all, you could be a psycho. So, to forestall
any concerns she might have, ask her to bring a friend
or offer to meet her somewhere she’ll feel safe.
Do some research: find out what concerts, gigs,
club nights are on, and so on, then use this in your
approach. Explain that you’re going and why it’ll be
good, then suggest she and a friend come along. Not
only is this a more casual way to ask a woman out; it
also means that she can bring a friend, so she’ll feel
safe in the knowledge that she can get to know you
with her friend as backup if she wants to leave.

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Bring a friend along, too. Meeting up in a group
situation takes the pressure off both of you. Conversation is easier to keep flowing and she’s more likely
to be confident and relaxed in the company of a
friend—and who knows, maybe your friend and hers
will get it together as well. Double dating really does
have its advantages.

Real Girls Tell All
SERENA explains why she fell for her current boyfriend:

“I was wearing a boldly patterned flowery dress and
having a good time in the pub with my friends,
when John passed me on his way to the bar. He
stopped, flashed me a big smile, and said, “Only a
sexy princess like you could carry off my grandma’s
curtains,” and pointed to my dress. I was insulted,
of course, but I was also flattered. I laughed, but
I kind of wanted to get back at him, too. Luckily,
when he was coming back from the bar, someone
accidentally nudged him and he spilt beer down
the front of his trousers. It did look like he’d had
an accident in the toilet. I laughed and said, “Was

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it time to go?” I thought he’d be annoyed, or at
least embarrassed, but he just flashed me another
one of those smiles, winked, and said, “Time to
go? I’m ready whenever you are…just let me get
my coat.” Then we started chatting and he kept
making me laugh, teasing me and being silly. By
the end of the night, all I wanted to do was get
him out of there so I could give him a big kiss.
Which is exactly what I did!”

WENDY on the best one-night stand she’s ever had:

“The minute I saw him I knew I wanted to get
naked with him. He was average looking, but
he gave me a beaming smile across the bar—his
eyes really lit up as though he’d seen something
amazing. He had great shoulders, I could see that
through the casual sports jersey he was wearing,
and he had fantastic hands—good, strong fingers
but with smooth skin. I could easily imagine them
on my body. We made love all night. I say “made
love,” although clearly we weren’t in love, as we
hardly knew each other, but it felt like very warm,
affectionate, passionate sex. Not like you’d expect

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a one-night stand to be. There was lots of kissing,
and exploring each other’s bodies—I did things I
hadn’t before, like touching myself while I was on
top so he could see—it was just brilliant.
“We had hardly spoken to each other during the
night, it had all been sex and sleep, and somehow
we both knew it was just a one-night thing. In the
morning we had sex one more time and I left.
Kissing good-bye, we both grinned at each other.
Never underestimate the power of a smile!”

KIRSTY describes how she met her husband:

“I’d been Internet dating for quite a while before
I met my husband. He was really friendly and told
me he really liked my shoes. I’d only bought them
that day, so I was pleased and also impressed that
he’d noticed. Talking to him was easy, and I found
myself using excuses to keep touching his arm. By
the end of the night I knew I definitely wanted
to see him again. We kissed as we said good-bye
and I saw him again a few days later. We’ve been
married for a year and a half now.”

2

Kissing
Kissing is a language all of its own—it has grammar
and punctuation, and some people are better at using
it to their advantage than others. In kissing, just like
language, your “sentences” should never be so long
that you run out of breath. You have “punctuation”
in the form of breathing stops, like commas, and
exclamation marks if the kiss goes particularly well.
Just like using words to express yourself, kissing can
say a thousand things, too: hello, good-bye, I love you,
I want you, and so on. And the way you kiss not only
sends out a signal about the message you’re trying to
convey, it also tells a potential mate whether or not
she wants to take it any further. Kissing is your key
to convincing any woman to get into bed with you, to
love you, and to choose you as her partner.

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Why You Must Kiss

The moment your lips meet hers, several decisions
are made: will she go to your place? Will she see you
again? Will she fall in love with you? To understand
why, read on.
Chemical reactions

People really can go weak at the knees with a kiss—the
chemical reaction in your body is intense, and it’s
all because your body is preparing for sex. A simple
kiss not only requires 20 muscles to coordinate but
also the process sets off a chain of other reactions
in your body: the hypothalamus in your brain activates neurons; the pituitary gland secretes hormones
to target the ovaries and testes; and a release of
dopamine, endorphins, and phenyl ethylamine is
triggered, and attaches to pleasure receptors in the
brain, giving you a feeling of giddy euphoria. Chemical cues are sent through the spinal cord, and then
the adrenal glands begin to produce and secrete nor
epinephrine and epinephrine (otherwise known as
adrenalin). This in turn increases your heart rate
and hastens the breakdown of glycogen in your
muscles and liver, to help provide you with energy
for the sex to come.

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How do you know she likes you?

The girl can’t help it. Looking at someone’s mouth
when you’re attracted to them is instinctive, and most
people do it without even realizing it. Although we
also look at friends’ mouths when they talk, we do it
less frequently, preferring to look them in the eyes.
Count how many times she does it in between looking
at your eyes—people who are attracted to each other
tend to move in a near-constant triangle from eye to
eye to mouth and round again.
The handy thing about this is that when you lean in
to kiss her, she’s prepared because she’s focused on
your lips anyway. Watch two people kiss and see how
their eyes wander to each other’s lips just beforehand.
If her eyes are locked on your lips, your runway is clear
for approach. Just make sure it’s a soft landing…(see
“Kissing Technique,” pages 31-40, for kissing skills).
Kissing someone new

When you kiss someone new, your body releases
dopamine and norepinephrine, two natural stimulants
that give you that feel-good rush. Over months, as you
get used to kissing each other, your body doesn’t release
the same amount and so it doesn’t feel quite so exciting
anymore—the result is that you both tend not to kiss

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for as long as you used to or as often. But, by making
the effort to kiss, you’re still creating a whirl of activity
in your body. Kissing stimulates the brain. There are a
huge number of receptors devoted to picking up sensations from the lips—these helped our ancestors discern
whether food was poisonous or not. And it’s this extrasensitivity that makes kissing feel so great.
Bad kisses

A bad kiss pulls the curtains on a relationship faster
than anything about your appearance or that you can
say. But a bad kiss doesn’t necessarily mean bad technique. Of course, if you smash your face into hers,
grind your teeth against her lips, and slobber down
her chin, she may be wondering how long it’ll take to
teach you how to do it properly, but even so, she may
find your kiss is the one she’s looking for. Why? It’s
all down to chemicals. Women can smell whether they
find you attractive or not. (See You Smell Good!” on
page 8). This effect is due to her subconscious desire
to mate with a suitable male—to increase her potential
offspring’s survival, a woman needs to choose a man
with very different disease-fighting abilities from her
own. And that’s the information she gains from your
odor. If it’s different enough from hers, she’ll find
you attractive. This also explains why, despite millions

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of dollars being spent on aftershave and cologne each
year, 58 percent of women would rather you didn’t
smell of anything at all (according to a survey undertaken by four women’s magazines).
So what can you do about it? Not much. But you can
ease your worries if a woman doesn’t return your calls
after the first kiss by telling yourself that she didn’t
have the right genes for you anyway.
Kissing keeps you a couple

There’s a direct correlation between how much time
you spend kissing and satisfaction in the relationship.
In fact, psychologists can predict a break up on the
basis of lack of kissing and cuddling, in a marriage.
One reason kissing is so intimate is because it doesn’t
involve the genitals, and therefore you’re not doing it
for selfish reasons—that is, to give yourself an orgasm.
But it’s also because being face-to-face with your
partner makes it a loving act that’s difficult to fake. If
you don’t kiss her, or you only kiss her before you want
sex, that genuine intimacy is lost. You don’t have to
stick your tongue in her mouth every time you see her
to maintain that closeness. In fact, the inside of her
mouth has fewer nerve endings than the red-colored
part outside. Kissing her on the lips with your mouth

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closed can be very sensuous if you let your mouth
linger on hers, pull away, and kiss her again. Do it
when she least expects it—when you’re out shopping
or in the car, for example—and it’s guaranteed to
make her really smile.
While sex without kissing can and does happen—hey, it
might even be great—you’re missing a trick by omitting
it. Lip language is key to arousal and gives her a good
sense of how you feel about her while you’re having sex.
And kissing hello and good-bye are, like I said earlier,
the punctuation marks of your loving language. Making
the effort to kiss when you say hello—pausing, looking
into her eyes, putting your hands around her face, and
gently pressing your lips to hers—tells her you’ve been
thinking about her, you’ve missed her, and you want
to show her how you feel. A look from your partner
can trigger memories and fantasies within the brain.
Signals from the visual parts of the brain are transmitted to the hypothalamus, where they influence the
start of sexual behavior. You can’t buy that effect with
any gift, no matter how big—it’s all in your eyes.
A kiss can speak a thousand words

Kissing is great for so many reasons: it’s not just for
sex; often it can say “Sorry” more effectively than a

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thousand words. But to work it’s got to be genuine,
and if you’re saying “Sorry,” tongues are banned. This
is an intimate, loving kiss, where you look into her
eyes to let her know she can trust you, where your lips
are soft on hers so she knows you’re sorry, and where
your hands are around her face so she gets the message
that you’re being serious. By kissing you’ll help release
some feel-good chemicals in her brain and yours,
helping you both to overcome your mood.
Note: Never, ever kiss her during an argument if she’s
talking. In your mind it might be a romantic
way of saying, “I love you and I’m sorry, so
please stop having a go at me.” In a woman’s
mind, it’s the equivalent of saying, “Shut up,
you silly bitch.” Steer clear.

Kissing Technique

A woman will dismiss a potential lover based solely on
her enjoyment of the first time your lips meet—and
she will also make the decision to go home with you
based on it. There’s no single “magic” technique that
works for all women, but there are a few guidelines
that will help.

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Moving in

She snuggles in, so you both know she’s interested,
but then her head is stuck to your shoulder making
that lips-meet-lips position difficult to engineer. In
an ideal world, she raises her head toward you after
you’ve just said something charming…you lean in
and you kiss. In the real world, she’s far more likely
to remain glued to your shoulder all the way home,
leading to a fumbling, embarrassing attempt at a
good-bye kiss.
The trick is to use your hands, or the hand furthest
from her, more specifically. All you need to do is move
it to the side of her face, so your fingers rest on her
jawbone and up toward her ear, and say pretty much
anything in a soft voice: “I had a great time tonight”
or “You’re great” or even “Are you OK?” Turn your
head toward hers as you speak and you simply can’t get
an easier approach for a kiss. It will happen so naturally, you won’t even be able to remember who moved
toward whom. In fact, when you’ve been a couple for
several months, you’ll probably argue with each other
about who made the move.
The first kiss

Although the first kiss will tell her if she wants to go
to bed with you, share her life with you, or even have

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your children, it doesn’t have to be a perfect kiss in
terms of technique. Nervous anticipation can cause
you both to make jerky movements, and navigating
your way around a new lover’s nose, lips, and teeth
can also take getting used to. But it’s highly unlikely
she’ll be blaming you if your teeth crash together,
your lips are slightly off-center, or you can’t quite
coordinate your tongue movements—she’s far more
likely to blame herself, so don’t worry about it.
How to kiss

Once the initial lip landing has taken place, however
clumsy, it’s time to enjoy the kiss. Many men are too
nervous to take time exploring a woman’s lips, her
tongue and face—but that’s exactly what you need to
do right now so that this kiss begins to feel amazing.
Darting your tongue in and out like a lizard is a
no-no; swirling her tongue firmly round and round
using yours is another; keeping your tongue in your
mouth is also a mistake.
Here’s what to do. First, imagine that kissing this
woman is your only goal, you don’t need to feel her
breasts or have sex with her because you find her
lips and tongue so amazing that you could just do it
forever. If you can give her this impression with your
kiss, she’s yours. Now let your lips meet, kiss, let her

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open her mouth, then allow your tongue a little way
into her mouth, then part your lips a little further,
exploring her tongue with yours more fully. Always
move away very slightly every now and again so that
you can both breathe, and try not to block off her
entire mouth with yours—you’re not trying to give her
mouth-to-mouth, and it’s far sexier to let your lips
and tongue meet, and move around each other.
Try not to get hooked on having your tongue hung up
inside her mouth: too many men forget to punctuate
their tongue swordplay with closed or partially closed
kissing. If you stick at open-mouthed kissing for too
long, it begins to feel very boring, as well as tiring.
Stopping at regular intervals helps to calm you both
enough that you’ll be able to fully appreciate kissing
each other, rather than just feeling nervous, and it
also feels affectionate and sexy.

Practicing
Get hold of a very ripe peach or mango and take a
bite, then kiss and lick the flesh without breaking even
the smallest piece off but while still getting a taste of
the juice. That’s how you should kiss a woman. And if
you tell her kissing her is like eating delicious, sweet
fruit, you’ll earn extra points for an original compliment, too.

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Breathing stops are like commas in your kissing
sentences—without them the sentence, and the kiss,
become labored and less pleasurable. It’s not necessary to break away from her; take a deep breath then
dive back in instead. Use the breathing space as an
opportunity to kiss her even more gently or to look
into her eyes or to kiss her on the side of her lips, her
nose, wherever. This creates variety as well as letting
you both get a bit of much-needed oxygen to those
excitedly pumping hearts.
Continuing the kiss

It’s impossible to overemphasize: you can’t kiss a
woman for too long. If she wants to move things
forward and you’ve been kissing for a long time,
she’ll let you know—and it’s far more flattering to
have a woman undo her own top for you than to have
her slap your hand or brusquely move it from her
breast because she wasn’t ready to take it to the next
stage. And remember that women, like men, love to
be teased. One of the biggest turn-ons for women is
for a man to be very attracted to her, to be passionate
but to hold back a little, making her want him even
more. You’d be surprised to discover how many
shy kitten-like women turn into tigers when they’re
teased a little.

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There are times for hard, powerful kissing and times
for soft, gentle kissing. If you’re in a spontaneous
and sweaty clinch in an alley, in a club toilet, or up
against the wall of a corridor outside your apartment,
then hot and heavy is probably the way to go. But as a
general rule, soft, explorative kissing and touching is
going to arouse her far more.
This isn’t just due to women being soft and sensitive—
far from it, she may well be shouting “Harder!” at you
later—no, this is about nerve endings. Nerves respond
more effectively to very gentle touching than they do
to a firm touch. Test your own responses like this:
using a pen-lid or a spoon, whichever is handiest,
move it over the back of your hand only just touching
the hairs on it. Feel that? Now press firmly over the
same area. No tingles there. Enough said.
You’re probably thinking, “How can I win?” Too
hard and she won’t enjoy it, too soft and she’ll think
you’re a wuss. But by too soft I mean with no effort.
Your lips can be soft but they need to meld with hers
so that all those nerve endings get titillated.
Your tongue needn’t be a hard rod of steel as it thrusts
into her mouth like a sexual metaphor, but if it lies
limp and lifeless in the bottom of her mouth, she’s

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going to wonder if she forgot to spit her chewing gum
out earlier! Again, use the ripe peach or mango to get
the right tongue tension. If your tongue is so hard
it’s poking holes in the flesh of the peach you need to
soften up a little; if you’re barely managing to lick off
any juice, it’s too soft.
Unless you’re both already tearing at each other’s
clothes, this kind of very passionate, dramatic kissing
style is best avoided for first kisses. By diving in and
going for full explorative thrusts with your tongue,
you’ll give her the impression you’ll be like that in
bed, too. She’ll imagine a guy who won’t bother with
foreplay and will penetrate as soon as her clothes are
off, thrusting until he’s done. And that means you’re
going home alone.
Kiss first, touch later

Kissing is the most erotic thing you can do to a
woman. Heading straight for the money—that is, her
breasts or between her legs—is like eating your dinner
before you’ve even sat down at the table.
Plus, her lips are an erogenous zone to compare easily
with her breasts. Because lips are also used to identify food and are therefore essential for day-to-day
survival, five of the twelve cranial nerves that affect

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brain function are involved when you kiss. Kissing
her is a sure fire route to getting her fully aroused
and wanting sex—then it’ll be her grabbing your hand
to put it between her legs.
Making it more than a kiss

Kissing is about so much more than your lips and
tongue—it’s about your eyes, your torso and, most
importantly, your hands. Cupping your hands
around her face as you kiss her makes her feel loved
and adored; slipping your hand around the back of
her head and sliding your hands into the hair at the
nape of her neck will give her shivers of pleasure; and
sliding one hand sexily right into the small of her
back as you pull her waist toward you will make her
feel dominated as well as womanly. Put your hand just
below her hip so that your thumb is almost, very nearly
touching the outer area of her pubic region, and that
teasing effect will have her wanting you even more.
Slide your hand up the side of her body, keeping your
hand further toward the back of her body with just
your thumb close to her breast and let it graze the
outside of her breasts as you do so, and all the nerve
endings in her breasts will be alert and at the ready.
Take her, she’s yours.

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Kissing turn-offs

Oh dear. Bad breath is the number-one turn-off
when it comes to kissing. And when you consider that
women are assessing you as a potential mate based on
your scent, it’s not hard to imagine why: your bad
breath says bad diet, bad hygiene, bad health. Don’t
bother asking friends if your breath smells—most will
lie to save your ego. Instead, lick the inside of your
wrist. Let it dry and then smell the patch. If it reeks,
so does your breath.
Aside from brushing and flossing your teeth regularly, tongue scraping is one of the most effective
ways to reduce bad breath. A lot of bacteria collect
at the back of your tongue so removing them may
help your kissing problems. If in any doubt, visit a
dental hygienist who can give your entire mouth a
once over.
And drink, drink, drink. No, not beer—water. Not
only does this flush your system, helping your body
remove toxins that could be causing bad smells, it
moistens your mouth and throat so that bacteria are
less likely to get a hold.
One final thought to throw into the mix: in a survey of
the female staff of four major U.S. women’s magazines,

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a massive 19.4 percent said they liked it when their
man smelled of scotch. Worth a shot?
Spit happens

If you’re kissing passionately and tongues are
involved, there’s likely to be a little bit of dribble
somewhere on both of you. The key is not to insult
her by wiping your mouth obviously and instead to
take the responsibility: move away from her face,
gently take her chin in your hand, and say, “Sorry,”
as you gently wipe away any moisture from her lips.
Touch her lips and look at them as you do so—this
is incredibly sexy—then, as if you’re so turned on
by looking at her luscious lips that you can’t help
it, kiss her again. She’ll feel like you care, and are a
gentleman, but also that you find her irresistible—
an incredible turn-on.

Timing and Locations

Where and when you do it can change an average kiss
into a phenomenal one. I’ve picked out some times
and places that will have her weak at the knees with just
a simple peck on the lips.

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In bad weather

Films are to blame for this one. Script writers have
romantic couples kissing in the most uncomfortable
and awkward of situations for good reason: if you feel
so strongly about each other, and want to kiss each
other so badly that you’re willing to get soaked to the
bone, or blown away by gale-force winds, it shows
that your desire is utterly and totally powerful, overwhelming even. And that’s sexy as well as romantic.
To make it extra special—and probably the kind of
moment she’ll tell her friends about, write in her
diary, or remind you of when you’ve been married
for ten years—take your coat/jacket/newspaper and
put it over your heads as you kiss her, laughing. You’ll
be creating your own cinematic moment.
Other locations or moments that work well are: at a
busy train station (especially through a train window
or door), in a field with long grass, on a windswept
beach, on top of a mountain, or in the snow (and if
it’s cold, always wrap her up in your own coat while
you’re still wearing it, so she’s tucked inside—it’s cozy
and gets her very close).

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Just like the movies

A lot of the things that women find most romantic
are based on things they’ve seen in films. And more
than standard lip or neck kissing, kissing on the forehead always indicates that the leading man truly loves
his leading lady. It’s protective and sweet—which, if
you’ve just had an amazing night of passionate sex,
will seal the deal for future encounters. Similarly,
kissing her on her shoulder if she’s wearing a strappy
top is an erotic move you can get away with in public
and it’ll make her feel really sexy.
Reunited with a kiss

You’ve just arrived back from a trip and you’re in the
middle of a crowd—perfect timing for a heartfelt kiss.
This is a tricky one, as you might not want to get in
the way of the crowds and your mind’s probably on
things like where the car is, your luggage, and so on.
But now, more than ever, you need to give her a few
moments of your time. It’s important to look into her
eyes before and after you kiss her, rather than immediately looking up to see where the exit is or if someone’s stolen your suitcase. Focus on the moment—kiss
her slowly and gently, look into her eyes, and then say,
“It’s so good to see you. Come on, let’s go home.” Fail
to say hello properly like this, and you’ll be paying

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the price for the rest of the night, maybe even the
week. She needs to know how you feel immediately;
otherwise she’ll be hurt and that means it’ll be harder
for her to open up and relax with you, let alone get
turned on enough to make love to you later.
Meeting your friends

Public displays of affection can be disgusting or sweet.
There’s no need to swirl your tongue around her
larynx in order to show her you care; a simple kiss on
the shoulder while you’re out is more than enough,
better even, than a kiss on the mouth. It’s your subtle
way of telling her you’re thinking of her, even though
you may have been talking about football or baseball
for the last 30 minutes, that you appreciate her being
there, and, most importantly, that you’re not afraid
for your friends to know how important she is to you.
All these things count as major brownie points—you’ll
reap the rewards manifold later.
Recreating teenage excitement

To recreate that teenage excitement, kiss her when
you’re somewhere it can’t go any further. Kissing for
the sake of kissing is what makes it exciting again. Do
it on a street corner, on the train, or in the kitchen
while your guests are waiting in the dining room.

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There really, truly is no better way to rev up the excitement levels in a relationship.

Real Girls Tell All
LINDA describes the kiss that led to her marriage:

“We were sitting on a bench on top of a hill. It
was a hot, humid day, overcast but sticky. We’d
just walked quite a way so we were both a bit
sweaty really, and so we sat quite far apart and just
gazed out at the view. I had some water and we
drank some, then suddenly rain started pouring
down. At first, we both panicked a bit, not really
knowing where to go or run to. But then we
started laughing and we both stood up to turn
our bodies toward the rain. He took my hand
and I can’t really remember how, but we ended
up kissing. The rain stopped almost as quickly as
it started, but we carried on kissing and kissing
and kissing…and now we’re married.”

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GAIL describes her best kiss:

“He had the softest lips I’d ever seen. It was like
dipping your lips in whipped cream, and I felt like
I melted when we first kissed. My eyes shut and it
really felt as though nothing existed, like my body
had disappeared. I really wasn’t even aware of
myself. He had this way of opening my lips with
his tongue, ever so gently, and then moving it
along the inside of my lips and the outside, too,
as if he wanted to taste me. He’d kiss the corners
of my mouth and all around the edges and he’d
make me feel like the most special woman in the
world. If only his personality had been as good as
his kiss, I might have stuck with it!’”

SUZY describes the best kissing technique:

“I like it passionate and powerful. I want a man
to push me up against a wall and press his lips
against mine—then I know how much he wants

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me. I want his hands to be on my body, behind
my head pulling my face in toward his, on my
back to pull me in really tight. I want him to bite
on my neck and shoulders, to tug on my lips with
his mouth. That’s what I call a passionate kiss.”

3

Breasts
Soft, round pillows with a darkened bud at the
center, breasts are undeniably eye-catching, but more
important is the fact that the way you approach and
touch them will dictate whether or not a woman gets
aroused…and whether you get any further.
In this chapter I will tell you exactly what is going
on in her mind when you admire her breasts, how
best to compliment her on them, her physiological
responses to different types of touch, and her own
attitude toward them. You can use this information
at any stage of a relationship. And whatever you do or
say, you’ll know what’s going through her mind.

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Admiring Her Breasts

On a good day, her puppies are like a great lover—
they make her feel wanted, sexy, and get her wetter
between the legs than anything else. But even when
she’s feeling good about her breasts, your reaction to
the sight of them could elicit a bad response. Make
sure you get it right by following these guidelines.
Why she really wears revealing clothing

Pink lace peeking out over the top of her jeans, a
flash of red as she leans over the counter, or a black
bra strap that seems to keep falling off her shoulder—whatever the titillating vista she’s presenting you
with, it’s highly likely she’s aware of it. Women may
claim they wear stockings or lacy underwear to please
themselves, but it’s an argument that holds up only
in certain situations. When there’s a good chance the
top of a stocking, a G-string or a bra will be seen
by others—that is, if the skirt is very short, the jeans
very low-cut or the top transparent—it’s for others’
benefit, too.
Flashing a bit of color to draw the attention of the
opposite sex is something many other animals—as well
as humans—do. The bower bird of New Guinea and
Australia creates a nest and decorates it with colored

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flowers and fruit; baboons flash their colorful rears at
each other; and squids put on a fantastic light-andcolor show for whoever they’re hoping to entwine
tentacles with. There’s absolutely no guarantee that
her display is meant for you; however, it could be that
she just wants to feel sexually attractive in general.
That said, if you’re on a date or having a drink with
her, that showy bra is definitely a visual cue—take
heed, and later, you could find yourself entangled in
her straps.
Unfortunately, it gets more complicated because if she
catches you staring at her breasts—however beautifully
they may be presented—she may well feel offended.
This might be surprising, illogical even, considering
what I’ve just said about her underwear, but looking
at breasts is like looking at the sun: a glance won’t
hurt you, but stare too long and you’ll suffer permanent damage.
Here’s the logic: firstly, women have better peripheral vision than men, so all that time you were looking
when you thought she couldn’t tell, she could—and
you were looking way too long; secondly, she may not
want you to stare at her breasts—it might be in aid
of some other lucky fella; thirdly, if she does catch
you looking—which she’s likely to if you keep ogling—

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she’ll feel obliged to respond in a negative manner so
as not to look like a tart or a tease. The result? She
feels embarrassed and annoyed, and you get verbally
slapped around the face. And that hurts.
Going topless

If your girlfriend is one of the many women who love
an even tan, try to encourage her to fake it instead. The
drying effect of the sun will further reduce the skin’s
elasticity, making her breasts far more likely to sag in
later life. Tanning also creates that leathery, crinkly skin
effect—not attractive on any body. And because the skin
on the bony area between the breasts is so thin, she’s far
more likely to burn, too—which puts her at greater risk
of skin cancer. Hand her the fake bronzer and you’ll be
enjoying her fabulous breasts for far longer.
When her nipples say hello

Nipples, just like your penis and her clitoris and vaginal
lips, are made up of tissue that swells up in response
to stimuli. But don’t be fooled into thinking that the
sight of you still wet after your gym session has caused
her body to respond in this way. Yes, the stimuli can
be something very sexy, like your sweaty buff body at
the gym, but it’s far more likely to be a sudden cold
blast from the air-conditioner; or it could simply be

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the feel of her top’s material rubbing over her nipples.
What’s more, some women’s nipples are on permanent red alert—and for this reason alone, it’s not a
good idea to rely on her erect nipples as an indicator
of sexual attraction. If you’re kissing or touching her,
however, and her rosebuds begin to take the shape
of torpedo missiles, her body is responding to what
you’re doing—so keep doing it!
Complimenting her breasts

Those big pendulous globes—you can’t get enough of
them. You could spend hours nuzzling them, rubbing
your hands over them, squeezing them…loving them.
That’s all well and good, but, unfortunately, the larger
her breasts are, the more likely it is that she won’t get
the same enjoyment out of it that you do.
Small breasts are more sensitive to temperature and
touch than larger breasts, purely because the nerve
endings that are in the breast are spread over a far
smaller area. On larger breasts the skin is stretched
and the feather-light touching that makes one smallbreasted woman squeal with pleasure may not even
register on a larger lady.
But that’s not to say they should be ignored; far from
it, but it is a question of adapting your approach to

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each woman’s personality and her feelings about her
breasts. The average woman’s breast size is 36C—this
is a good handful, but certainly not what most would
class as large. For some large-breasted women, men’s
focus on this one part of their body becomes rather
predictable, which makes it boring. They may feel
defined by the size of their breasts, something that
could make them feel uncomfortable about the undue
attention you give them.
No matter how many times men say they prefer
the real thing, women continue to crave perfectly
round new—fake—breasts. Get rid of her insecurities by telling her exactly what you love about hers.
Focus on an individual aspect of them—how great
they look when she’s on top, how they move under
her T-shirt or how amazing they look in that dress/
bra/top. Tailoring your compliment to her makes it
seem far more genuine and also appears more offthe-cuff and natural. Those are the compliments
she’ll remember.

Knowing Her Breasts

Even if you’ve spent quite a lot of time fondling,
licking, sucking, and generally playing with your

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girlfriend’s lady pillows, there are still secrets to be
revealed about them. Here are the things you may not
yet have learned about her feelings about them and
their physiological responses to your touch.
How she touches her breasts

Did you think she didn’t? What would you do if you
had a pair? Feel them, of course! If she loves the sensation of your hands, lips, and tongue on her fleshy
orbs, then the chances are that when she masturbates,
she plays with them to get herself to climax.
Breasts, along with the fingertips, face, and genital
area, are the most sensitive parts of the body. These
areas are packed with nerve endings so that even the
slightest whisper will be felt on the skin. Ask her to
describe how she plays with her breasts when you’re
not around—even if she just shows you by guiding your
hand over them or by telling you over the phone, if
she’s comfortable with that. How she plays solo will
give you the best indication of how to bring her to
climax during sex. Don’t miss your clue.
How to look at her naked breasts

If she turns out the light every time you get close to
getting naked, it could be that she feels uncomfortable about how her breasts look. Because breasts often

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grow very quickly during puberty, the skin sometimes
doesn’t have time to adapt and the elastin beneath
the skin’s surface breaks, leaving white lines—stretch
marks. You may have them on your bum, on your
knees, thighs or even your biceps if you’ve built up
muscle in a short space of time. Many women have
them on their breasts.
You won’t have noticed this in magazine photographs
because photographers use “soft boxes,” which are
lights with a large piece of special material that helps
diffuse light, creating smooth and attractive-looking
skin and lines. These soft boxes are available at professional photography shops and are a good way to make
her feel more relaxed in your bedroom—but you can
also inquire in your local lighting shop, asking for
soft-light bulbs or a diffusing lampshade, which will
have the same effect.
There are other ways to use flattering lighting in your
bedroom as well: candles are the obvious choice and
they provide an even, soft skin tone and hide blemishes on both you and her, but you can also buy lowwattage bulbs with a tint of orange-brown or pink to
show skin off to its best advantage.

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And once you’ve got her comfortable with being
naked with the light on, take care with how much
time you spend simply looking at her breasts. Being
studied can make a woman feel beautiful, but it’s also
just as likely to make her feel self-conscious. In fact,
she may be aware of “imperfections” in her breasts
that you don’t even see. Just as your balls are unique—
you’d know them apart in photos probably—so are her
breasts. Statistically, it’s likely her left breast is bigger
than her right. Ask any honest woman you know,
and it’s virtually guaranteed she’ll even have one she
prefers to the other. Her nipples are also different
from each other—in shape, texture, and color. And
some women have an inverted nipple, where, instead
of a button, there’s a slit. This isn’t a problem, but it
can be disconcerting and embarrassing for her.
The way in which you look at her breasts and nipples
is just as important as how long you spend doing it. If
you are looking at her nipples or breasts, then kissing
them or fondling them, she knows it’s in adoration; if
you spend a long time staring without saying or doing
something to let her know you love them, she’ll feel
far more uncomfortable. Instead of looking closely,
try shutting your eyes and explore her body with your
tongue, your lips, and your hands.

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When your compliments fall on deaf ears

So you’d like to get your hands on her breasts and you
think a good way to get there is to compliment her
on them. She gives you a look that would cause a wasp
to shudder. Why? Because she thinks she knows what
you’re up to, that you’re just saying it to be nice. And
that’s because when women say they love your “cuddly”
midriff, your “squidgy” bum and your cute chubby
cheeks, they’re just saying it to be nice. They don’t
want to hurt you with the truth: they’d far rather you
were fit, healthy, and looked great. So when you say
you like her curves, she thinks you’re lying, too. Only
you’re not. Are you?
Her breast is made up of adipose tissue—that’s fat to
you—and connective tissue. The mammary glands are
actually inside this fatty tissue. Connective tissue—
called Cooper’s ligaments in the breast—provide most
of the support for this extra fatty weight and over
time, with ageing, naturally lose their strength. The
ligaments can, however, prematurely lose elasticity
and strength through impact sports such as running,
lack of support and fluctuating weight. That can lead
to her feeling her breasts aren’t as pert or firm as she
thinks they should be.

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If she’s a regular dieter, it’s likely her breasts aren’t
what they used to be. One of the problems with
women’s obsession with dieting is that it ruins the
skin’s elasticity—if it is continually swinging from
being stretched, then shrunk again, like a rubber
band, it eventually snaps. That’s what stretch marks
are—where the collagen under the skin has effectively
snapped—and they’re often caused by dieting or
weight gain, and also pregnancy. Once the skin loses
this elasticity, her breasts will sag—an eventuality that
will make her far more paranoid than a couple of
extra pounds.
What you can do is encourage her to exercise rather
than diet. Because diets are often quite drastic, the
weight-loss—and often the gain that comes once the
diet is dropped—is so sudden that the skin simply
doesn’t have time to respond. Gentle exercise will use
up extra calories and, over time, she’ll lose the weight
she’d like to. And while she’s there, join her—then
you can lose that cuddly midriff, too.
Why do her breasts look firmer sometimes?

They look juicy and bitable because blood is flooding
into the area, making them swollen and feeling
bruised—a little bit like when you strain an ankle or

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your wrist. And just as you would rather no one gave
your sprained wrist a sexy squeeze, so she’d rather
you’d kept your hands off. And in a cruel twist of
fate—just as her breasts swell up to a third of a size
bigger, just before and during her period, you want
to touch them and she wants you to steer well clear.
There is, however, a possible solution. Use a lubricant and go gently. Getting her breasts lubed up
means that your touch won’t pull and tug at the
swollen tissue; instead, your hands will glide over her
shining love-pillows. And what’s more, she’s actually likely to have an even more intense orgasm just
before or during her period, so she may even thank
you for the breast massage.
If she’s just had a baby, her breasts will also swell—but
far more than half a cup size. This is what happens
when a woman breastfeeds her newborn. And
although her breasts might look deliciously plump
and touchable, the purpose of her soft protrusions
changes dramatically and her feelings about them
change, too.
Some men fantasize about suckling from a mother’s
breasts, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that this
fantasy is not a new mother’s idea of fun. Milk is

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drained from the mammary glands inside the breast,
out into tiny holes in the nipple—called lactiferous
ducts—and out to get to her baby’s mouth. But the milk
doesn’t flow like a tap that just gets turned on once the
baby’s mouth locks on—no, it involves sucking and,
if the baby’s teething, a bit of inadvertent nibbling,
too. The constant sucking and moisture often causes
new mothers’ nipples to get dry and sore; sometimes
they also crack and bleed. A good reason to leave her
nipples alone at this time.
Buying her underwear

Her bra says a lot about how she feels about her fleshy
protrusions and what you buy her or want her to wear
can affect how she feels about you, too. You need
to find out exactly how bras work, which styles suit
different shapes and sizes, and what her preferences
are before you buy.
First, cast your mind back to art class—what’s the complementary color of red? Green, of course. And this basic
fact means that unless your girlfriend has the deepest,
darkest skin, red lingerie will make her look pale and
slightly green. And only the Incredible Hulk can get
away with that skin tone. If you’re not sure what her skin
tone is, best to play it safe and leave red well alone.

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Her dislike of red undies is more than skin-deep,
however, it’s also about character. Red is one of
nature’s showiest colors—it says lust, passion, and
danger. But it’s also a color that is seen as a statement
of intent—the woman who wears red to a wedding is
a harlot looking for a show-down; the sexy lady with
the red bra on is cheap or easy; and the teenage girl
with red stilettos on is “out on the prowl.” It’s a real
shame that this is the case, because red has this power
precisely because it’s such a sexy color.
But the fact remains that there are very few women who
feel comfortable in a red bra and panties. But beyond
comfort, this is about how she is perceived by you—she
wants to surprise you with her sassiness in bed, her wild
lust and her red-hot passion; by presenting her with a
gift of red underwear, it’s as though you’re telling her
you think she’s cheap, or, even worse, that you’d like
her to be, even though she’s not.
So unless you know she’d like red underwear—that is,
she’s actually asked for some or wears it regularly—just
don’t buy her any. Instead, if it’s your favorite underwear color or if you want to encourage her to wear it,
get her black underwear with just a tiny detail in red:
a bow at the front of a pair of black French panties,

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trimming on a navy G-string, or the lace at the top of
a white bra.
The basics of bras

Admittedly, buying her underwear is a minefield, so
make sure you’re au fait with the basics. Here’s a brief
lesson in lingerie to avoid losing a limb: the figure on
her bra refers to two things—her cup size (how much
you can fit in your hand) and her chest circumference
(how far you can wrap your arms around her). So a
pair of DD breasts won’t appear quite as big if they’re
on a woman with a 44in chest, because the fleshy bit
is spread over a larger area; likewise, a pair of C-cup
breasts will look more than ample on a 28in chest.
It sounds fairly straightforward, but there’s more:
some brands will differ widely from others. Just as with
your underpants, sizes differ between one designer
and another—you might fit into a large pair with
one, and need an extra-large in another. Ask a shop
assistant for help with buying her a bra or do some
research on the Internet—or if you want no-nonsense
accurate advice, ask her sister or best friend.
If you want to get her something as a surprise, go
through her laundry basket—in that you’ll find her

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most comfortable, regular bras. These are probably
the ones that are the right size—they fit well, so
they’re comfy. But these are also likely to be the ones
she doesn’t wear to feel sexy—for that, you need to go
digging in her underwear drawers. If there’s a lot of
black lace in there, it means that’s her preference;
likewise white, turquoise, cerise, and so on. Be
aware that even with extensive bra size research and
careful shopping, the bra you buy her may not fit.
Like shoes, a size in one brand may be perfect; in
another, painful.
And if you’re still in doubt, ask her best friend’s
advice. Unlike you, women discuss underwear with
each other, so she’ll know exactly what to get. Plus,
you’ll gain instant recognition as “great boyfriend
material” from her peer group. She’ll be grinning
from ear to ear and so will you.

Touching Her Breasts

The way you get physical with her orbs of pleasure can
make the difference between sending her into a state of
quivering arousal or shuddering with disgust, or, even
worse, pain. Read on to find out what she likes, what
she doesn’t, and how to improve your technique.

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The bra’s off

A breast is like a dartboard—you instinctively head for
the bull’s eye, the nipple, because it stands out visually and physically. But that approach won’t win you
maximum points in the mating game.
Exploration is always the best way to get maximum
arousal—for you and for her, so try not to neglect
parts of her body. The sides of her breasts are incredibly ticklish—and that means there are lots of nerve
endings there, so don’t starve them of your touch.
Next time you’re in bed, ask her to put her arms up
beside her head, then trace the back of your hand
along the heavy curve of her breasts on both sides.
Now do the same with your fingertips and then your
tongue. This is virtually guaranteed to have her
squirming with pleasure.
Once you’ve spent some quality time with the sides of
her breasts, slowly make your way into the center. Lack
of speed is key here—you’re building up to hitting the
most sensitive part: her nipple. If you take your time,
letting her work up a powerful arousal, when you do
let your lips or fingers lightly brush her nipples, it will
be the most exquisite sensation for her. Her back will
arch as she thrusts her chest toward you—and you’ll
feel like the breast man. And you are.

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And when you’re applying your hands, think about
how much pressure to use. The breast stroke is a
great way to begin—it’s simply feather-light touching.
Gentle touch actually stimulates more of the skin’s
nerve endings than a grope. That’s why it feels so
good to her.
This isn’t always the case, however. There are times
when, in the heat of the moment, she wants to feel
the power of your hands on her body, but when it
comes to turning her on, getting her into the mood,
you can’t beat the light touch. Think of her breasts as
ripe fruit and treat them accordingly—too hard and
she’ll bruise.
Using your mouth

Licking her nipple like it’s a lollipop can send her
into a state of total ecstasy. The nipple, just like the
clitoris, feeds into orgasm-inducing neurons in the
brain, and some women are able to climax through
breast stimulation alone. In each nipple are receptors called Meissner’s corpuscles, cells that are able
to adjust to different stimuli—this could include your
warm, moist mouth, a frozen grape rubbed gently
over the area, or even warm oil.

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Take care when attempting nibbling, biting, or
sucking hard—these can feel fantastic on her breasts
and nipples, but, just like when she’s down on you,
nibbling, biting, and sucking your manhood hard,
there’s a fine line between fantastically erotic and just
downright painful.
One of the most common complaints from women
with regard to nipple playing is that men treat them
like cooker controls—they think if they twist hard,
they’ll up the sexual temperature, but that’s not how
it works. The more sexual tension you can build, the
more explosive the climax will be—jumping into bed
with muscular fingers at the ready is more likely to
turn her cold.
Use your own body as a pain barometer—how hard
could you pull at the skin of your testicles, or squeeze
and tweak the sensitive glans, the head of your penis?
Approach her breasts—especially her nipples—with the
same level of gentle care. And gauge her reactions: if
she pushes her breasts into your hands when you’re
very gently swirling your fingertip around the edges,
try pressing on them with your thumbs; if she’s still
thrusting herself harder against your hands, turn up the
volume a little. Just take it slowly, gradually building up

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any pressure you apply—that way she can let you know
when to go further and when to slow back down.
If she enjoys her nipples or breasts being very firmly
stimulated, it’s a good idea to agree on a code so
that you know when you’re being too firm, causing
her unpleasant pain. Biting—often quite violent—is
a fairly common element of mating between many
different types of animals. But you really don’t want
to make the same mistakes that some animals do:
the male mink, for example, sometimes accidentally
pierces his partner’s brain, killing her. That’s one
type of heart-stopping sex! To avoid overdoing it, use
a word you wouldn’t ever use in bed: “Coventry” or
“spider” or something like that. Yes, you’ll feel a bit
silly, but not as silly as you’d both feel if she suffered
an injury from your overzealous loving.
The breath trick

This is one of the easiest but most effective techniques
to use on any part of her body, but it works best on
her breast and nipple. Once you’ve licked or sucked,
simply pull back your head and blow gently over the
area. What this does is take her skin’s temperature from
warm—from her own natural body temperature and
from your warm licking—to cool, when the moisture

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from your sucking evaporates. And this makes her
nerve endings respond, increasing sensitivity to
whatever you next decide to do to that area—stroke,
kiss, or even gently nibble.
When it’s good to get more hands-on

Men tend to focus on a woman’s nipples if she has
small breasts, which is a shame because she may well
enjoy having the entire breast massaged. Bee-sting
breasts are often more sensitive to touch than bigger
breasts, and therefore, hold the key to getting her
extremely turned on, extremely quickly.
If you don’t find her smaller breasts as visually stimulating as larger ones, get some scaffolding put up.
Not outside the house, but underneath her breasts.
A balconette bra is perfect for a woman with smaller
breasts as it pushes them upwards and leaves the upper
area clear for viewing. Don’t worry, she won’t suspect
that you want her breasts to look or feel bigger—
balconette bras are just one of the many styles available. If she keeps the bra on during sex, you can touch
and fondle the fleshy upper area and nipple. Once
she’s got support, the only way is up.

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Real Girls Tell All
SARAH on having a big pair of breasts:

“Both my boyfriend and I love my boobs. They’re
fairly big—I’m a double D—and I’ve always had
lots of attention, from both women and men,
because of them. Women sometimes come up
and ask me if they’re real—I always let them have a
feel so that they know they’re genuine. I’d never
want fake ones. They look hard; it must be like
fondling a pair of soccer balls. Mine feel more
like balloons filled with water, firmer than that,
but they jiggle like balloons when I walk fast.
“My boyfriend likes to come over mine. I put my
arms together so he can slide himself between
them and then he pushes himself up and down—
it’s funny how much he loves it, but I don’t mind
because he’s one of the most caring men I’ve ever
been with. He always, always makes me come first.
“Ladies first,” he always says. I like that, and it
means he always gets a smile as well as sex. You
want both, don’t you?”

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GINA on playing with hers:

“I absolutely love playing with my tits. They’re
only small, and to be honest, my ex-boyfriends
have never paid them enough attention. It’s like
they think that because they’re small, they’re not
as important, but if a man wants to get me really
wet, he’s got to play with them.
“When I masturbate, I do it in front of a mirror,
just so I can look at my tits. It really turns me on to
see them. I put on a push-up bra and just seeing
them gives me a shiver in between my legs. I used
to think that was a bit weird and that I should get
turned on by looking at a guy’s bits, not my own
tits, but I don’t care—it’s just what does it for me.
“My all-time favorite is to wear a push-up bra
and use baby lotion on them so they feel really
slippery. They look so good like that, all glistening and bouncy. I imagine my man is the
one touching them; he’s grabbing and squeezing
them. It feels so good, and it looks so good, I
come easily every time.

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“My current boyfriend knows how much I love
to have them touched, and I wear my push-up in
bed with him. He knows it’s what makes me come
and he gets off on that, so it works for both of
us. And it’s definitely made me more satisfied in
bed. We do it all the time!

TANYA on getting her breasts wet:

“When I lie in the bath, my boobs look absolutely
amazing. I sometimes wish that I had a much bigger
bath—one that was conducive to sex—because then
my husband could enjoy them as much as I do
when I’m alone in there.
“I usually put a generous amount of foaming
bubble bath in—then I slide my naked body into
the hot water. Even feeling water all around me is
somehow luxurious and sexy, but the foam makes
it feel really special—the bubbles fizz and pop on
my skin and, as the foam begins to disappear, my
nipples begin to show through. When the cold air
hits them, they immediately pop out and say hi

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to the world. The deep pink of the area around
my little popped-out raspberries looks glossy and
shiny, and full of color—they look delicious, I
wish I could reach them with my mouth to suck
on them.
“Because of the support of the bath water, the flesh
of my breast is pushed upwards. They look round
and healthy and ready to be touched, almost as
though they’re thrust outwards in anticipation.
By now all the foam is gone and I play with my
nipples by moving my body down into the water,
so my breasts are fully covered—my nipples sometimes go down a little; then I rise up, pushing my
breasts out into the colder outside air, and my
raspberries pop out again.
“I tease myself like this for a while and then I
slowly trace my fingers from just above my pubic
hair, ever so lightly touching my skin, and work
my way to just below my breasts. I run my finger
along underneath and to the sides, anywhere but
the nipple itself. By now I’m arching my back,
desperate to home in on the nipple, to feel the
explosion of sensation there, but I keep teasing
myself as I know it will be all the more satisfying
when I get there.

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“I move my middle fingers gently onto my nipples
and it makes me gasp—I’m pushing toward my
fingers, as though they belong to someone else,
like I am not fully in control, and then I swirl
my fingertips over and around them. It feels just
fantastic and it’s why I love to take baths.”

4

Sex positions
Men place far too much emphasis on sex positions—I
blame the Kama Sutra for that. Flipping a woman over
like a pancake, leaping across the bedroom like a
frog, or other “new” positions that result in colliding
knees and elbows or your toes dangling in her face are
not going to impress her. Your angle of approach is
important, but it really won’t make you good in bed.
What it can do, however, is improve your, or her,
physical experience of sex. Considered positioning
can make a wide vagina feel tighter and a penis feel
longer, and it makes both of you have more intense
orgasms. Every sex position range has its plus and
minus points—enjoy exploring them all.

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Her On Top

It’s the position most likely to bring her to orgasm
and it affords you some great views, but there’s more
to this than meets the eye.
It’s not always good for you

Have you ever found that she gets on top then, once
she’s orgasmed, seems to lose enthusiasm? Well,
welcome to reality—women can be selfish, too. And if
her taking hold of the reins means you get left behind,
she’s not going to be shedding any tears. Blame your
forefathers, your brothers, and your male contemporaries, because the chances are she’s heard about
and had a lot of sex where men don’t care a bean for a
woman’s orgasm. And so she knows to grab the orgasm
opportunity with both hands whenever it arises.
What’s more, once she’s come, her body releases the
same chemicals your body does when you’ve come—the
ones that make you feel sleepy and lethargic. That’s
why her enthusiastic jiving on your penis becomes
more like a slow samba, leaving you with little chance
of an orgasm unless you change positions.
Something for her to learn

To try to aim for a simultaneous orgasm in the heron-top position, she needs to learn more about

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her climax. She can teach herself to hold back and
discover how to control the point of orgasm by practicing when she masturbates. Women, like men, tend
to try to get to the end goal as quickly as they’re able,
but taking herself close to the edge of orgasm, then
pulling back, and repeating the process will teach
her how to control her climax and may even lead to
more intense orgasms. It also means she can control
her climax until you’re close to yours, making it a lot
easier for you both to enjoy an orgasm in the same
few minutes.
She won’t get on top?

Sitting astride a man, bringing herself to orgasm
as he watches, is really putting herself out there—
she’s never more exposed and natural. That can be
fantastic and amazing, and, thankfully, it is for a lot
of women, but for those who dislike their bodies, it
can just be unnerving and unpleasant. Being on top
means taking centerstage—not only is she in control of
her own orgasm but she’s also there to make sex great
for you, and to look good for you. If she hates the
way her breasts look, thinks they’re too jiggly or has a
complex about her belly, for example, she’s likely to
feel like she can’t really relax and let go in this position, making it highly unlikely she’ll orgasm.

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You can’t change the way a woman feels about her
body with a couple of compliments, but it’ll go some
way to making her reconsider how other people see
her body. The way you touch her breasts or belly is
really important—a woman can sense more about how
much you love her breasts by the way you tenderly kiss
them, caress them, and admire them while doing so,
than if you simply tell her they’re great. Combine
both verbal compliments and hands-on physical
compliments for the best results. Used repetitively,
compliments will eventually make her believe that
you think her body is fabulous, and gradually her
inner cowgirl will be ready to saddle up.
That’s not her problem, but she still won’t get on top

She may have deep-seated emotional issues with
getting on top. If that’s the case, and she really doesn’t
like it, it’s tough but sometimes a woman simply isn’t
in the mood for being the star of the show. The cowgirl
position is fantastic sexy fun but it doesn’t have the
same tender intimacy as missionary, say, where your
faces are close together at all times and your bodies are
touching from head to toe. But she can still achieve
that while on top in two ways: what I call the flatliner
and the bargirl.

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For the flatliner, she needs to be well lubricated, so
have a bottle or tube to hand. Smearing your chest
and her inner thighs with lube, she lies on top of
you, putting your manhood in between her thighs.
She then slides up and down, squeezing her thighs
on your penis as she does so—there’s no penetration,
but you should feel a similar amount of friction (if
not more!) than when you’re inside her. This is a
fantastic way to give her vaginal lips a lot of stimulation, too. And many women find it easier to orgasm
that way.
For the bargirl, you’ll need some kind of stool or
chair. You sit on it while she straddles you. She’s
on top, giving you the view you want, with her in
full control, but you still enjoy the intimacy of
being close face to face. It’s such a simple technique but is so effective at helping her to orgasm, as
her clitoris gets more stimulation from your pelvis
and abdomen and it allows her to push down on
you while still being able to kiss and feel your chest
against hers. Perfect.
Reversing the cowgirl position

Although this is a great position for you—you lie back
and get a fantastic view of her rear and your penis

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thrusting inside her—it’s unlikely she’ll orgasm like
this. Her clitoris doesn’t get to bang up against your
pelvis in this position, which can leave her wanting.
But that’s no excuse; she’s got hands—she can use
them! If she still needs encouragement, get a vibrating
penis ring and put it on upside-down; that is, with
the vibe toward your testicles. That’ll have her sitting
pretty happy for as long as the batteries hold out—
meanwhile you get to enjoy the view of her rear as she
mounts you.
We’ve done all that

Easy, cowboy, if you’ve done all the variations above,
there are even more positions to try—more than could
ever be covered in one book, even the Kama Sutra. For
an unusual, yet very sexy position, try this: you sit semiupright, propped up with lots of pillows and she clambers on top of you, facing your feet so that her back rests
against your stomach, and slides you inside her. It’s
tricky to maneuver into, but it is possible if your penis
is long enough, and this is one of the most sensuous
positions. Your hands are free to come around the
front and play with her breasts and her clitoris and,
although she’s on top, you share control and she feels
very exposed but incredibly aroused by your wandering
hands and the feeling of your penis inside her.

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Missionary sex is fabulous and totally underrated. I’ve
talked to many women who say they love this position
because they can feel and see their partner; men say the
same. But it’s not the easiest position for her to climax,
so let’s look at some ways you can improve on that.
Making her O your mission

Success here relies on you being shallow: her body
isn’t designed to orgasm with deep penetration—the
majority of her nerve endings are in the lower third
of her vaginal canal. To get an idea of how little
sensation she has “up there,” consider the cervical
smear, a procedure during which cells are scraped
from the cervix—and she doesn’t even need an anesthetic. Now consider how she responds when you
have a ragged fingernail and touch her vaginal lips
or clitoris with it. See the difference? That is why
deep thrusting, although potentially sexy, isn’t what
brings her to orgasm.
You can greatly enhance clitoral stimulation during
missionary by changing your thrust technique.
Rather than pulling out and in, slide yourself in and
make hoops with your hips—circle and grind as you
would if you were doing some seriously snake-hipped

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salsa moves on the dance floor. The point is to apply
pressure to her clitoris with the upper part of the base
of your penis and your pelvic bone. Maintain the same
rhythm and keep going, kissing her neck or breasts as
you do so. Don’t expect her to orgasm quickly, or at
all—just let her enjoy the sensation.
Giving her clitoris the attention it deserves

It’s a greedy little bundle of nerves, the clitoris—and
for some women, it simply craves your direct touch.
You may be giving the grind and shallow thrust your
best efforts and she’s still unable to orgasm. So try
employing one or both of these tools: a pillow and
a vibrating penis ring. Putting a pillow under her
bottom raises her pelvis toward yours, and puts the
clitoris in a more exposed position. And a vibrating
penis ring is a wonderful sex toy that slips over your
manhood—it’s stretchy so doesn’t hurt or pinch—and
directly stimulates her clitoris via a thumbnail-sized
vibe at the top of the ring. Lord of the rings? You will
be once you’ve tried it.
When she’s too aroused

It’s happened to most of us at one time or another—
you’re enjoying great sex, going at it, her juices are
flowing and after a while, well, it doesn’t feel quite

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as snug down there as it did at the start. It’s a shame
that a woman can become so aroused and wet that
sensation is reduced for both of you, but lubrication
does reduce friction to an extent. You slide easily
in and out of her, which sounds great, but actually means there isn’t all that much friction on your
penis, and her vaginal walls barely seem to register
your manhood’s presence!
An easy, short-term solution is for her to use her
fingers. She simply slides her hand down between
your bodies and, with her fingers in a Victory-V
shape, slots your penis in between the “V.” She can
even slide her fingers around the outside of her
vaginal lips so that she’s squeezing her lips tighter
around your penis, too. Squeezing like this creates
a sensation of a tight vaginal entrance while the base
of her index finger will be perfectly positioned to put
pressure on her clitoris. It’s actually a fantastic way to
get yourselves to orgasm.
Training for a tighter vagina

A long-term solution is for her to do Kegel exercises (squeezing her pelvic floor muscles) regularly.
She can locate these muscles by noticing how she
uses them to halt her urine flow when she goes to the
toilet. Focusing on doing that will allow her to then

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clench that muscle wherever she is, on the toilet or
on the train, in the office or in bed. Kegels can revolutionize your sex life. Not only do they tighten and
tone, and grip a slimmer penis more tightly, but they
can also give her more intense orgasms, too. There
are lots of products on the market that exercise these
muscles—pelvic toners, vaginal exercisers—see which
ones work for her. Then, when you’re having sex, she
can use these muscles to increase the friction for both
of you.

On All Fours

Great for making short or thin penises feel wider and
longer, this versatile position isn’t always her favorite,
so let’s look at ways to make it great for her, too.
Your penis is on the short side

If you’re reading this, you’re highly likely to be one of
the many men who are wrong about their penis size.
A man underestimating the size of his penis is like a
woman overestimating the size of her behind—it’s a
classic and oft-repeated mistake. When urologists at
a U.S. university asked men to estimate their penis
size, they found that almost all got the figure wrong.
The participants were pleasantly surprised to find

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that their magic wands were all bigger than their eyes
had led them to believe. So, just for the record—the
average erect penis measures between 5½in and
6½in; its girth is between 4½in and 5½in.
No, it really is on the short side!

OK, for the sake of argument let’s just assume that
you do in fact have a short or slim penis; doing it on
all fours is a great way to extend yourself. It’s not about
you; it’s a result of the angle of her body. Inside, her
vaginal canal is directed more toward her back than her
stomach—so in missionary, your penis fits just right;
on all fours, your penis gets more friction on the top
of the shaft, as well as on the head of the penis inside
her. Similarly, if you’re on top and her legs are slung
over your shoulders, everything feels far tighter for
you and her—especially if your penis is shorter. What
happens is that the vaginal canal shortens (imagine
a straightish tube that you bend into a U shape and
you’ll get an exaggerated idea of what happens when
she puts her knees by her shoulders). And because the
lower third of her vagina is massively engorged with
blood when she’s aroused, creating a barrel of spongy
tissue, shortening the canal concentrates all that
“sponge” into a smaller area, making the “tunnel”
feel smaller.

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She won’t do doggy?

The very first time a woman is asked to go on all fours,
she will undoubtedly wonder why the man she’s in bed
with would prefer to see the back of her. And, if you’re
new in bed together, steering clear of doggy-style might
be a good idea, as it can feel impersonal when you’re
still getting to know and trust someone. Similarly, if
you’ve been together for a long time and you insist on
doing it on all fours every time, try to imagine how
you’d feel if she always wanted to have sex in a position where she couldn’t actually see you. And while I’m
having a go at the doggy-style, consider this final blow:
it’s near impossible for her to have an orgasm in this
position unless you lend a helping hand.
Making doggy a style she enjoys

To make sure she knows you love how she looks and
that you adore her front and back, suggest doing it in
front of a mirror. Not only does this create a visual
feast for you, it gives her something—anything!—to
look at. Otherwise it’s hard for her to see anything
but the bedspread unless she cranes her neck around
to look at you. Fondle her breasts, her waist, and her
neck as you have sex, and kiss her back and shoulders.
And use your hands to help her to orgasm—that way
her clitoris gets the stimulation it requires. Without

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help, your penis is thrusting in and out, giving her
vaginal opening a lot of stimulation but never quite
hitting on the clitoris, which simply isn’t placed well
for doggy-style stimulation. Another method is to
provide her with a clitoral-bumper: pile cushions
or pillows underneath her, in between her legs, so
that each time you thrust, her clitoris and vaginal lips
come into contact with the pile. Better still, strap a
vibrator onto a pile of pillows and place them beneath
her. Piles have never been sexier.

Side By Side

Perfect for lazy Sundays, doing it side by side can be
one of the most intimate and erotic positions. It can
also be frustratingly tricky and unsatisfying. Here’s
how to make sure you get it right.
Getting the right positioning

You’re lying face to face with one of her legs slung over
your waist and you’re thrusting happily but you’re not
sure it’s doing mu