Main The Small Penis Bible
The Small Penis BibleAnt Smith
IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM... After living with penis size anxiety for most of his 50 years author, Ant Smith, decided we needed an honest self-help book on the subject. Something to turn up in search results other than the endless (and expensive) so called 'enlargement guides'. After organising London's first ever Big Small Penis Party and giving countless interviews on what it's like living with a little willy, Ant has plenty to say on the matter! You will read the only methods for penis enlargement in this book. But more importantly you will read how to overcome the anxiety itself - because without managing that, no size is ever going to lead to peace. THIS IS A REALLY TOUGH SUBJECT so there is plenty of humour, candour and real-life stories in these pages. If you are suffering yourself, or if you are body-positive, or if you are just curious THIS is a must read.
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So, does penis size matter? This is THE fundamental question for a guy with penis size anxiety so I felt that it deserved FOUR entries in this manual asking the question in a variety of ways: Does penis size matter to you Does penis size matter to others in general Does penis matter to your partner(s) Does penis size REALLY matter to your partner(s) [image: ] Obviously it matters to you or you wouldn't be reading this and equally it obviously matters to me or I wouldn't be banging on about it as much as I am doing! And it is perfectly fair and reasonable that it should matter. We live in a world that is stuffed full of pressure on this issue. Whatever you do, do not be anxious about your anxiety. But do recognise your penis is not to blame. You've had years, decades probably, of subtle continuous negative input on the question, don't give in to that. Try to be open to the possibilities I'm laying out in this work. Remember above all, you cannot be loved if you tell people not to love you. As long as you hate this part of yourself happiness will escape you. Secondly, remember that the vast majority of people have no business judging you on this basis. They will never feel the pleasure and delight that your penis can bring to a loving relationship. Anything and everything they say to put you down is about them, not you. Finally, don't be so egotistical as to want everybody on the planet to love you. So what if 1 in 10 women want a big cock that you don't have? How many partners do you want? There are PLENTY of potential partners IF you are open and honest about who you are, what you have, and what you want. I would also say, we are all individuals. None of us match 100% ideally, perfectly. Every relationship takes strength from what we are prepared to do for the other. Love without compromise is empty. If you are really torn up about this concern, then you owe it to your (potential) love partner to let them be the strength in this matter. IF you truly feel wretched because you are asking your partner to put up with what YOU think is a compromise - let them do it. Give them this opportunity to demonstrate their love for you. And so ultimately, finally, unequivocally and without question YOUR penis size does not matter. The secret to happiness is to recognise those qualities that make us unique individuals and to celebrate those. Embrace diversity - do not deny it, do not suppress or ignore our differences. But do not use them to judge either. Vive la difference. It's too simple to say size doesn't matter. Inclusivity, diversity, isn't about denying who we are - it's about embracing it. You don't fight racism by saying colour doesn't matter. You fight it by saying "your history, your culture, is different to mine so what can I learn from you?” The trick is to embrace difference, to make the most of the positives that difference brings and to offer support for the negatives. We need to embrace difference, not judge or condemn it. Good joke bad joke "What's the difference between your dick and a joke? Your jokes aren't funny." There are five flavours of small dick jokes: Jokes that run a guy down emotionally or sexually [emasculating] The vast majority of small penis jokes try to imply that the dick defines the man. "Nice SUV, shame about your small penis" Big cars, guns, terrorists - are supposedly all caused by small dicks. They rely on two misguided ideas: That he must be compensating That he must be angry There's a deep irony in the 'compensating' idea because if a guy IS compensating it isn't because his dick is small - it's because he's lived a life of being shamed by poor attitudes. So if a guy with a small dick buys a gun and goes all Columbine on your arse the joke's on you because you shamed him into it! Hahaha. "My girlfriend told me to give her eight inches, so I fucked her twice and punched her in the face" Seriously, small dicks don't make you angry, shaming does. These jokes also attack sexual adequacy. "I call my penis The Bullet. It's small and comes really fast." The presumption is that a small dick is inadequate in every respect. It's small so must suffer premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction too. Bullshit. This class of joke, witticism, offhand comment is pervasive in our culture. Every wrongful thing is ascribed to the small penis. Someone cut you up on the road? Small penis. Traffic warden? Small penis. Crazed despot? Small penis. This is why size anxiety takes hold even before we discover porn or sex. Jokes that portray women as bitches [misogynistic] "It's been proven women can be satisfied with 3.5 inches. It doesn't matter if it's Visa or MasterCard". This of course also undermines the sexual adequacy of the guy, he can only keep a woman with money, but it steps up the vileness by simultaneously insinuating all women are gold diggers. Double whammy must be twice as funny? Sure, if you want a society that thinks like that. Jokes that play on racial stereotypes [racist] "Q: What happened to the Chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? A: He broke his nose." Racist. But then there's this: "Why did the Asian man have a small penis? Because he was flaccid." Brilliant. If you hear a racially oriented small penis joke this might be a good way to challenge that thinking in a way the thoughtless or misguided can comprehend. Jokes that are just about the dick being small [rational] "My penis is so small it's harder to find than your g-spot" I like this joke. Whilst acknowledging size, it isn't negatively judgemental. And to be honest, sometimes my penis is hard to find! (It can turtle in the cold). It doesn't say anything about sexual inadequacy of the small penis holder but rather draws on the cultural mores of men's general inadequacy with respect to finding the clitoris. "My penis is so big it goes from A to Z... On the keyboard." Maybes not the funniest joke ever but it does qualify as a joke and isn't in anyway offensive it just states a fact of size. Go on, one more: "What's a condominium? A condom for an extra small dick!" Jokes that affirm small isn't bad [emancipating] "My dick is so small that I have a personality" I wanted to find more examples but t'Internet is so flooded with negativity on this subject it proved impossible! I've heard a few other jokes that positively affirm the value and function of small dicks and they are a delight. It's highly encouraging for human society that they exist at all! Dealing with jokes Emasculating, misogynistic or racist small dick jokes are vile. They lay the groundwork for shame and shaming (and are vile in other ways too of course). These types of so called jokes should be challenged whenever possible. But humour is important. Laughing releases tension and consequently has a positive effect on health. We should not deny ourselves humour. The right kind of laugh creates social cohesion and joy just as strongly as the wrong kind can cause division and despair. Rational or emancipating small dick jokes are therefore valuable and worth encouraging. What's more, it is way easier to change social attitudes if you avoid getting too earnest or too serious. Humour pushes boundaries, that's how it manages to break tensions. It's not always clear what is and what isn't acceptable. And our appreciation of what's acceptable is a moving feast. If it's unclear whether a joke should be challenged or encouraged let it slide. Things will become clearer over time anyway and changing social attitudes necessarily takes time. I'm reminded of an adage regarding the chore of sweeping the stairs: "sweep the corners and the rest will sweep itself". By concentrating on the difficult edges of a task you can find the rest of it a breeze in comparison. In short, sometimes it's best not to sweat the small stuff. :) Retorts Some small dick jokes need to be challenged. Certainly directly and unambiguously when they are either misogynistic or racist. Emasculating humour though needs a retort. Attempting to challenge it on the principle that shaming is wrong probably won't work as The Wit probably believes that they're not so vile as to body shame (despite the fact they clearly are!). Plus, a good retort plays better to yourself, your own sense of wellbeing, than a direct challenge of the shaming. "Who are you going to please with that?" " Me!" It's not a great attitude to a sexual congress on either side, but it is much more effective than an appeal not to body shame! "Is it in yet?" "I don't know" Hang on, if neither of us knows does that make you small or me loose..? If inspiration fails you it's always fair to reply "Seriously? Grow the fuck up!" Kinks Penis size anxiety, or just size itself, can fuel the development of sexual kinks, typically with a strong element of submission on the part of the guy dealing with penis size concerns. Obviously there are morality arguments around many kinks but this manual isn't here to address those. It's important to understand whether a kink is genuinely liberating or if it’s negatively reinforcing size anxiety. Mostly, there can be no absolute answer - whether these sexual expressions are 'healthy' or not depends on the people involved. So if you're engaged in, or simply flirting with, these behaviours you should try to consider the effect they have to ensure your personal mental wellbeing. Healthy kinky behaviour has these properties: They're not exclusive. You can still get your rocks off in other ways. They increase satisfaction and pleasure for everyone involved You're not captive to them. You can end the play at your discretion. They're not ruinous. They do not threaten to tear your daily life apart. There is a bond of trust between the participants. There are reasonable agreed boundaries There's a clear signal that the game is over, as much fun as it might have been. At the same time lots of kinky expression is about danger, which leads to blurring of the above lines. There are inherent contradictions. How can a truly submissive role play allow you (the submissive) to call the shots and end the play? Some uncertainty on that point adds to the frisson of the game. But it is with good reason that the number one rule in bondage kink is 'to have and honour a safe word'. If you cannot KNOW the above 'healthy properties' are in place then you must question whether your behaviour is helpful liberating submissiveness, or is a road to ruin. Exhibition Deliberate exposure hoping for ridicule. Anxiety feeds on darkness, secrecy, suppression - it springs from the fear of being found out. Strong emotions, anxiety and shame are readily sexualised as a 'counterphobic' tactic. People deliberately seek to create a link between the cause of pain and sexual feeling so that the sexualisation reduces the pain. The sexualisation of fear, pain, shame - of all strong emotions - is very common. Against all expectation then, a guy who has spent his whole life internalising shame by refusing to be exposed, may then deliberately expose himself so he can feel that shame in a sexual context. Not like a 'flasher in a Mac' nor a 'dick pic selfie' kind of way, which are akin to a primal sexual display but rather in a cry to have their inadequacy affirmed, to bring to a head that feeling of shame. Such outing may start innocuously - a very anonymous chat room exchange. The play can be stopped instantly by closing the browser. The bond of trust is weak but that's made up for by the anonymity. But there is still the compulsion to trigger and amplify the shame, and so in 'outing' yourself there's a drive to let more and more detail of who you are leak out. Possibly part of your name, or the city you live in, or a video feed. Or in seeking the strongest possible shame perhaps you allow a photo to be circulated online revealing your perceived short comings to god knows who? By explicitly seeking shame you're appealing to people who will give it. I.e. cruel and exploitative people. You are making yourself deliberately vulnerable to people who will attempt to seize upon that vulnerability. It is possible this compulsion to out your self is a necessary step on the journey to acceptance. Experiencing the ultimate shame whilst squirting a copious load might help to break the hold that shame has upon you (but, remember that it might not). Tread carefully for, if it becomes a habit, the exposure can become ruinous. By definition, there is absolutely no bond of trust in this game. Small penis humiliation Desiring verbal taunting or teasing based on size. SPH (small penis humiliation), crops up quite often on discussion boards dealing with size concerns. It's often allied with cuckolding and feminisation. On darker journeys through the web it can even lead to an exploration of total emasculation, so-called nullification. Little wonder then, that it's a difficult kink for people to understand. Especially by loved ones, who see the psychological harm that is possible - the reinforcement of negative attitudes and the impact on your self-worth. It seems downright unhealthy. But of course, well-intentioned condemnation from loved ones doesn't often help change a person's needs or desires. That takes understanding and positive reinforcement (by applying the positive behaviours listed earlier). Men, we know, feel they are under pressure to perform. But if it is agreed that they can't perform adequately, that pressure is reduced. I suspect this is true in part of any dom/sub relationship. It's also possible that the man isn't submissive at all. Rather than seeing his cock size as an unassailable barrier to acceptable performance he may see it as an impetus, a challenge. A reason to try harder. Neither case is inherently unhealthy. A little bit of teasing to enable a guy's submissiveness, or to spur him on, is no different to any mild role play. However, if this teasing crosses into humiliation there is a danger. You may not be enabling a natural submissiveness, but creating it by warping the guy's self-worth. Or else, you may only be spurring him on to defeat, forcing him into resignation; he can never hope to perform adequately. Love may be unfathomable. We can ask questions about aspects of love, but we need to remain mindful that the whole is a delicately balanced intricate web of connections; each as individual as the people bound by its strands. This is to say, there are no answers - only potentially useful reflections. A lot of real life stories from men that I've read, discuss an acquired sense of submission on account of their perceived 'smallness' and it's not unusual for this to develop into SPH desires. Is SPH akin to any other non-vanilla submissive sexual role play, bringing with it an intimate playground for lovers that draws them together in a special manner that can't be shared, or rather doesn't exist, outside of the dynamic of the love making relationship? Is it one of the things that defines what is special about a loving relationship? Or, is it a socially conditioned and debilitating vulnerability? Do SPH games actually reinforce bad social ideals? Let's consider for a moment the nature of submission in a love centred relationship. I take this observation from www.leathernroses.com Morgan, of SM Odyssey, describes her favourite submissive men as knights, on bended knee, ready to slay dragons for Her. Another dominant, having named her favourite submissive men, wrote: "I can honestly say that what I like most about all these (non fictional) men is that they are comfortable in who they are, and in owning their inner strength. They are secure in their submissiveness." A strong positive component of submissiveness is not the desire to be controlled, but rather the desire to use your strength to serve. For a long time, I considered foreplay as being a game where it was my task to physically excite the erogenous zones of my partner until they were 'ready' in the understanding that they would be doing the same to me. But as my sexual understanding has increased by dint of playing with the same partner for many years I've acquired a new realisation. Her arousal arouses me. I don't need to wait for her manipulations of my cock to give me a hard-on. If I forget about myself and concentrate on bringing about the transformation that is her arousal then I actually develop an erection anyway from her heaves, her pants and her occasional guttural roar. I don't know if this arousal comes from the escalating promise or from experiencing "the power of my touch" - but I do know that the easiest, most natural, state of arousal flows from servicing my partner’s needs more than my own. The more I think about getting an erection the harder it is to achieve one. The more I hear her pleasure, the more the hardness grows. So submissiveness does not imply 'submitting', or compliance or weakness. It actually implies having your own strength of character so that you can give to the other. Similarly dominance is less about enjoying the control of another, and more about enjoying the control the other is prepared to let you have. Power plays in day-to-day life are about the self's position, what can be taken or avoided (alpha male versus beta male). They are extremely oppressive and actually quite unhealthy. Power games in the bedroom should be about the other's position, what can be given, not what can be taken. There are very positive dynamics and characteristics, and role models in the submissive landscape (Mahatma Ghandi, perhaps). Does this mean then, that SPH games are incontrovertibly positive? That, of course, depends on how they are played. If the humiliation centres around inadequacy then it represents a danger, if it centres on truth then it can bring liberation. Of course I'm talking in isolation about SPH here; the above statement may not be true in the context of a whole relationship. But it remains true that there are two fundamental forms of small penis 'humiliation'. Emphasising inadequacy. "You're only allowed to watch" "You can't hope to fuck me with that pathetic thing" Emphasising truth. "You're so small" "Your little dick hardly fills me" "Look, it fits in one hand!" Again, creating this simplistic distinction won't ring true for many people in isolation. There are many scenarios where the first type of humiliation can be all the more thrilling and fulfilling - you need to be your own judge of that. But, this is the approach that can undermine and damage a person's psychology. The second approach I say can bring liberation. This is because it acknowledges the identity and participation of the small penis wielder. Refusing to acknowledge it, or denying it, only increases anxiety - as you implicitly make size an issue. They know they are small, if you say so and still fuck them - or say it while you're actually fucking them – you're clearly demonstrating it really isn't an issue. If you say "fuck me with that little dick" instead of making him impotent, you'll spur him on to demonstrate what he can do. You will both understand that even with a little dick he's still a man. All man. (This of course presumes that you've already acknowledged that he identifies as a small dicked man!) I’ll say it again; great sex comes not from arousing yourself, but from arousing your partner. Understanding how your partner chooses to identify allows you to arouse them in surprising ways. An attitude of giving/not taking in sex makes endless plays possible. So it's my belief that in the right context: with a giving partner, in a sexual activity, SPH is just as valid as any of the kinks you can list, providing the health kink behaviours (see earlier) are followed. Humiliation videos Pay-for videos of people (usually women) ridiculing a small penis, typically in the second person (you/yours). Humiliation, not surprisingly, has been heavily commercialised. There are pay-for videos of girls ridiculing small dicks, pretending they're talking about you even though you're not there. I guess they're arranged a bit like those old Roy of the Rovers comics that left blank spaces for you to write in your own name... I don't know, I've never paid for one. You do have to trust the site with your credit card details and that’s not an inconsiderable risk. Like other kinks discussed here they may help with the journey, but if your involvement is anything more than a brief flirtation you will find they reaffirm inadequacy rather than liberate internalised shame. Perhaps it's encouraging they exist, as it’s testament to how difficult it is to find real humans to accommodate such desires. Women providing humiliation services often report their own discomfiture with this kind of play. Very few people are inherently mean-spirited. Tributes Paying people in tribute of their supposed higher status. The commercial exploitation of shame-based porn reaches greater extremes than the sale of videos. You can, if you want, seek out your own FinDom, financial dominatrix. She will allow you to send gifts or money for nothing in return. If she feels like it she may remind you of how inadequate you (supposedly) are. She may even do this by refusing your gifts because you are nothing to her. The myth here is that such women are taking money from the fantastically wealthy. Bankers and financiers, people who know they are vile exploiters so on some level have a need to make recompense for their contemptible lives. The reality is FinDoms are fleecing ordinary people who scrimp and save to play this game. They reinforce negative self-hatred while propagating the misogynistic view of women as gold diggers. Whilst conquering shame may be a step towards acceptance, it is my belief that if you land here then you have taken a wrong path somewhere along the way. Feminisation/sissification Being dressed and treated in a feminine manner. Although not peculiar to small penis focused kink, 'forcing' a guy into bra and panties whilst indulging in shame-based play is not uncommon. Equally you find many small dicked guys enjoying exposing themselves in such manner as you research these subjects... Dressing up is fun for lots of people and has the advantage of clearly demonstrating when the game is ‘on’ and when it’s ‘off’. BUT, the clear implication of the play is “since you are inadequate as a man you must act in an inferior way – dressing as a woman”. There are very strong sexist undertones in this, the link between submission, inadequacy and feminisation expressly portrays feminine as inferior. Gender concepts are complex, and it’s possible that for some “The Male Sissy” is seen or felt to be a distinct gender, rather than an expression of feminine as submissive to masculine. It’s a question of, are you dressing in women’s clothes as a form of humiliation or rather as a form of expressing your sissy-gender nature. In the first case, I’d urge you not to. Doing so denigrates not just women but also others with true non-binary genders – and both are groups that see quite enough oppression as it is. If you are expressing an honest sissy-identity then fair enough. Have a blast. There are variants on this kink where the guy may be dressed in a nappy, as a form of infantilising emasculation as opposed to feminising emasculation. Again, fair enough, go for it. Sex lessens pain. Providing it isn't habitual and compromising. Chastity Being locked into a chastity device, typically with the key under another’s control. The desire to be told what to do, to give over control is very common. So it should be no surprise that small penis forums discuss chastity regularly. It certainly removes the pressure to perform with your cock. It's also a means by which the kink game can be extended beyond the playground of the bedroom. Most kink play requires very clear demarcation - a shared understanding of when the game is and isn't 'on' - with an agreed safe word that guarantees its end. However, this plays against the desires for danger, risk, and the complete forfeiture of control. 'Forced' chastity is different. Once a guy's cock has been locked in a cage he can pull his pants up and get on with his life discretely carrying on the kinky game with himself. It's also definitely a relationship game, there has to be another involved (the key holder). There isn't, necessarily, the same risk of being exploited by strangers that exists in Exhibition kinks (unless of course you exhibit your chastity status or give the key to a stranger!) Nor of being entirely in your own negatively spiralling head space. Cuckoldry Being sexually displaced from one’s partner by a more dominate person (‘The Bull’). It feels to me that cuckoldry as the response to an 'inadequate' penis in a relationship is a dangerous place to be. Perhaps if the relationship is otherwise solid and you enjoy multiplayer games, it can work for you. But it is quite extreme (and often pretty racist in fact) and if you find you've been on a roller coaster ride from teasing to humiliation to feminisation to chastity to cuckoldry (or some variant journey), it's important to take stock and re-inspect your identity. Whilst it may be intensely arousing to be considered the sissydick clean-up boy, experiencing your partner's musk on her Bull's massive cock - you are not A Cuckold. You are a man, possibly a father, a friend, a worker, someone who occasionally plays the part of The Cuckold in some kinky bedroom play. But you are not pre-destined to be A Cuckold. Always check your programming... Slavery Being under full control of another. ...you of course maybe happy with your programming and content to go further still, playing the role of full time slave. This I can hardly judge or comment on, except to say for the benefit of others, it is not a small cock that brings people to this place. There is no inevitable path joining these kinks together, you don’t slip and slide from SPH to cuckoldry to sissification to chastity to slavery – you play, and explore your desires and boundaries to whatever places you feel safe and fulfilled. Nullification Being physically, permanently, emasculated. Also ‘castration play’. Cyberspace is not real space. By its nature it is a distortion that gives undue weight to fantasy. Whilst we recognise the Internet as being ephemeral we readily confuse it with reality. It can magnify ideas. With no real space-time dimension ideas can fester. Whereas in the good old days a truly 'out there' idea would be the ravings of a lone mad man, now those ravings quickly find like voices. The wildest of ideas thus claim a false legitimacy. And so we find castration and nullification 'kinks'. Don't forget, this is the same internet that famously serves volunteers up to cannibals. People buy elastrators (used for castrating farm animals) online for a little ‘banding-play’. There are private practitioners prepared to castrate any man who has a few thousand dollars. There are forums dedicated to breeding out the small penis gene. Every time we allow small penis myths to stand unchallenged we lend kudos and legitimacy to these vile and twisted pockets of humanity. They publish their barbarous articles and images like Venus Fly Traps for the vulnerable. So certainly, have a blast; blow your load furiously wanking your cock in front of your Mistress while she coos "babydick" in your face. But remember that you have a responsibility not just to your own mental health but to those with whom you share this world as well. I discuss kink as a game, which is what it must be and what it must remain. The single greatest risk to humanity today is the dissolution of the barrier between fact and fantasy. And it so happens this is also a prime cause for penis size anxiety. Keep it real. #kinkaware Summary A lot of kink that revolves around penis size anxiety draws upon humiliation. Such kinks typically abound in other circumstances too though such as a guy who isn't small or doesn't suffer size anxiety may well enjoy feminisation fantasies. The fact that these kinks aren't bound solely to penis size denigration satisfies me that they are not inherently mentally unhealthy. SPH is a special case because it can only be centred on the question of size but even here, in the right relationship, it can play a part. Acceptance requires that we face down our fears. Some good quality kink play can be a controlled opportunity to do just that providing it's one of many ingredients in a healthy sex life. It's difficult to sit at a keyboard and proselytise on various forms of kink as healthy or not. Every one of us are unique individuals and each of our lives are different. I have tried to minimise my judgements but in writing a manual I have to take a degree of responsibility for what people may take from it. So yes, I've categorically stated that guys with small dicks must not nullify themselves. But my point is not to debate what may be right or wrong for you in your circumstances (which I don't know) but rather to encourage thinking beyond the moment. Sex can be very consuming, and however small your dick may be it can exert a tremendous force on you at these times, in directions that are not always to your greatest benefit. Happily, it can also be a great healer and a little experimentation can be transcendental. So you think you have a small penis. Or you’re worried you might have a small penis. Or someone you know thinks you have a small penis. Or you know someone with a small penis. Or you’re just interested in small penises. Or you think small penises are a joke and you ended up with this book for a laugh… [image: ] Well, the good news is, penises are funny. All of them. The big bent twisted ugly angry ones. The cute little petite ones. All of them. This eBook is a manual of, for, and by, the small penis guy. Everything you could possibly want to know about coping with a small penis. As you can tell by the way I’ve already mentioned ‘penis’ ten times (well, that’s eleven now) and already included a picture of a penis, this book will pull no punches. It will be informative, sometimes sad, but generally upbeat and funny – the anxiety men feel about penis size simply causes far too much misery in this world; so whether you are reading this just for a laugh or if you want a genuine first-hand account of how to cope with penis size anxiety I hope this manual helps. The author has lived for fifty years with his own anxiety, but went through a transformative journey of acceptance. You’ll read about that through the course of these pages, but for context the penis in question is: Four inches (10cm) long in action mode Four inches (10cm) around (girth) in action mode Which is 5.1 cubic inches (83 cubic cm) And is around 1-2 inches (3-5cm) at rest (unless sitting, when it can retract fully) These are the facts of the matter. Incontrovertible. Precise, yet abstract numbers. This is the only reality. Everything else that follows on from these simple measurements is opinion. Or rather judgement. Do these numbers say that this is a small penis? Absolutely not! Compared to a Silver Back Gorilla it is quite large. [image: ] Penis size anxiety comes only from real or imagined comparison with others, and we shall see how most of what we believe is simply wrong. At the same time I judge this as a small penis, but I don’t judge it as a bad penis. Through the course of this manual we shall see that bigger isn’t necessarily better and small isn’t necessarily bad. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if your penis is small or not and whether you think that’s a good or bad thing. Penis size anxiety comes from having those judgements thrust upon you by social norms. Penis size acceptance comes from embracing your own identity and not accepting the judgements of others. The obsession with size I read a media spat where Diplo body shamed Taylor Swift. In return Lorde questioned the size of his manhood - playground stuff. Everyone involved was body shaming. I wrote to them explaining how damaging it is to be casting such insults about, especially as they are supposed role models. Neither replied - and that really frustrates me. Lorde seems like a reasonable person otherwise, but she seriously disappointed me by stooping to such tactics. Very poor! But they live in a world where shaming is common place. Talking about it A selection of interview questions Why is it important to talk about small penises? Penis size anxiety is very, very common to greater and lesser degrees. For some it's little more than an occasional uncomfortable embarrassment when questions of size arise, or when faced with a locker room. However, for others it affects what they choose to do - some men avoid going to the gym at all because of it. For others it's worse still and they find themselves breaking off relationships rather than 'going to the next level'. And at its worst the anxiety creates mental health problems and has led to suicide. Is it very hard for men to admit to being small? It's an incredibly difficult thing for most men to accept. We're flooded with mass media imagery (advertising and porn) that says a bigger penis makes you a better man. The world abounds with negative judgements like "terrorists must have small penises". So most men end up lying, rounding up their measurements or adding a good inch. This further inflates what people think is normal and more men fall into the trap of believing they have a small penis, when in fact they are average or more. How does it feel to admit to having a small penis? Initially it felt deeply shaming. But now there's almost a rebellious kick to it. "My dick is small, and so? Why should you care, I'm not going to f@ck you with it!!” I'm still pretty much in that mode, rebellious. So I don't think I've conquered the issue by any means. But happily declaring my individuality sure feels better than suffering in silence. Who did you first talk about it with, and how did it help (if so)? I first spoke to my wife. It helped in the way that sharing any burden helps. When you carry a secret you find moments where you continue a conversation inside your own head and you put yourself down. Once you've shared a secret with a person that doesn't happen, so much. At first talking with others you don't get much real comprehension - they haven't lived with the worry all their lives so they can't totally understand it, or believe it can be such a concern. This also helps, the more you talk the more you come to realise it's less of an issue to others than you thought. And, they start to better understand the delicacy of the issue. Most people aren't cruel. Most people make small penis jokes because they think they're being funny, not because they want to humiliate and hurt the people around them. By being open about your concern you give your friends and family the opportunity to be the best they can be. To support you by thinking about what they say and do. And people do react like this because actually, many men have secret worries like this to a greater or lesser extent themselves; and most people know what it's like to lack body confidence. Do you feel better or happier after talking openly about it? I do feel better and happier. Although it seems the whole world laughs at small penis jokes and uses "small penis" as an insult - it turns out that, unless you're in the school playground, people generally mean it only in an abstract sense. When you tell a person "I have a small penis", 99% of them are very supportive and all of a sudden that judgement you feel, of yourself, evaporates. The fear of discovery can dog your days forever - but the light of truth brings nothing but relief. A very small number of haters will hate, but this says more about them than it does about me. Aren´t you afraid of being stigmatised? For a thing I was born with, had no choice in or control over? No. Not at all. It is only fear that has the power to stigmatise you in this matter. Friends and family are amazing - they tell me that they are honoured to know a man that dared to voluntarily say this. They are good people. Most people are. Colleagues have not commented - which is how it should be as this has nothing to do with my function at work. That is respectful. It doesn't matter what they may think privately. Condoms If you don't want to be a father, do not count on your cock being too small to not do the job. Wear a condom! But we hate condoms right? They're embarrassing to buy, they're baggy, they bunch up at the root, they're uncomfortable and they slip off... I have a friend who swears he used a crisp packet once in an 'emergency'. I might not have believed him but for a BBC news report on the matter. [image: ] So complaints about discomfiture pale in to insignificance when you consider some guys put up with crinkle cut prawn cocktail barrier methods (although I think the packets are generally empty). NB crisp packets are NOT recommended. They do not work. You WILL get an STD AND a baby if you use them (well, they won't effectively prevent such problems). These days though the world is a much different place. Instead of grabbing the first box of condoms you lay your hands on in Boots and hiding them under a bottle of Old Spice that you don't want (who wants Old Spice?), you can now buy condoms online quite discretely. What's more, in the UK at least (and soon in the US) you can pretty much get them made to measure. They Fit (www.theyfit.co.uk - other brands may be available) do a range in over 60 different sizes suitable for penises starting at 2.5 inch long by 3 inch around. So there's little excuse not to find a workable condom, unless latex is an issue... Pride and shame Firstly, I'm 100% certain I should not be ashamed of my penis; although I have been. Judging people (even yourself) for how they are born is, to my mind, a 'prime evil'. It is the very basis of eugenics and we need to stand against such ideology as strongly as we can! Pride is the flip side to shame. Other guys who are 'proud' of their big dicks are implicitly (and often explicitly) attempting to shame others. The idea that we should be prideful or shameful of what is between our legs is misguided. So if I cannot say I am proud of my dick, can I say I am totally happy, satisfied, with it? Would I 'trade it up' if I could? The human mind is a tricksy beast, and sometimes it can feel as though it is your own worst enemy - so can we ever truly know the answer to such questions? I have always really loved my little dick. Other people drove me to feel shame in it, but even then, at home in bed at nights it gave me SUCH pleasure! Now that I realise it CAN please others too, what anyone else thinks is utterly irrelevant. In fact, there's a perverse joy in thinking I can do with my 4 incher what you need 6, or 7 or even 8 inches to achieve. How potent must this little thing of mine be? Bloody good job it's only 4 inches! Do I want a bigger dick? No. I want to live in a world where that question is irrelevant. I loved my little willy when I was a horny 13 year old, and I love it now. The intervening years were all about hating myself in the context of a screwed up society. But do I REALLY love it? I keep using terms like "little willy". Doesn't that show self-deprecation and a true shame even if my mind is fooling me into believing I am happy? No! This is just acceptance. There is no doubt that a 4x4 inch willy IS small. I will not pretend otherwise. I revel in it. I have a small cock AND it brings me, and my wife, real pleasure. Packing so much joy into such a small cock is, to my mind, something rather special. Any fool can love a big dick - it takes real connection to love a little willy! Casual sex It's almost certainly from the late teens to early twenties where a guy with size anxiety has it toughest in life. For many, casual sex abounds in these early years while we're discovering what it's all about and are yet to find any form of commitment. But, all that jockeying fuels bravado and bragging. This is the time everyone claims that they lost their virginity age 12, that their dongs are massive schlongs, that a kiss and a feel was actually all night screamer sex, and where some women are particularly vocal about needing at least 10 inches. From a blog post (this by a guy in response to a size queen's lament): Cuts, scars, blemishes---deal killers. When it comes to casual sex, we're just sacks of meat cut into various shapes and wrapped in skin of various quality, and I only fuck grade-A. If a girl doesn't cut it, she can always do plastic surgery. If she can't afford it... well, poor people are unsexy anyway. Standing back with the distance of time I see these attitudes and all I can think is "what horrible people". Do you really want to be caught up in such a meat market? When you're in a hot house like a university campus or a nightclub surrounded by all that rutting it seems to be the only choice, the only way to think and act. But it isn't. I for one always hated nightclubs and as I've gotten older more and more of my friends have confided in me that, secretly, they always hated them too! Not all, but the vast majority of this landscape is fake and it holds very little happiness and even less satisfactory sex for anyone. So am I saying "you've got a small cock so give up hope on casual sex"? No, not at all. I was never much drawn into those worlds for many reasons and I'd counsel that you'd be happier steering well clear no matter your cock size. But if you can't take that advice you just have to develop a thicker skin. Read that quote again. See how little respect or regard is in it for other people. If you want to play that game you have to adopt that approach. But be clear, everyone else in the game is riddled with doubts and insecurities of their own. They treat each other like shit because they feel like shit themselves. And given that those are the conditions then you have no reason at all to take their shit. So you have two options; gracefully stand aside from the rutting game accepting you will get way less casual sex, but nonetheless can find some; or throw yourself into the game as a confident guy who takes no shit. In the first case you might get a small number of enjoyable casual sex encounters. In the second case you might get more, but less satisfactory, casual sex. There are plenty of small-dicked guys who are players. But it is a choice. The Small Penis Bible The Small Penis Bible by Ant Smith Illustrated by Christine Adams a cockahoop publication 2016 Copyright © 2016 by Ant Smith All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal. First Printing: 2017 ISBN 978-1-326-89299-9 cockahoop LONDON firstname.lastname@example.org www.penisbibles.com Acknowledgements I would like to acknowledge those who have helped me start and navigate this journey of understanding, of self-awareness and perhaps ultimately of acceptance: Christine Carl Sarah-Jane Dan thank you for helping me quell the voices and approach peacefulness It is also right that I thank once more those others who helped make the Big Small Penis Party possible: Ms Sliderule,Volker Renato, Thomas Smith Gillies, Gerry Newnham, Peter Jacobs, Ernesto Sarezale, Becky Fury, Lizanne Davies, Cy Wol, Seddondoleo, MeatRaffle, Adrian Ellis, Rob George, Vis the Spoon The Small Penis Bible I really do have, the most beautiful little cock. It ain't twistedbentcrookedangry... It's a cock that could make a princess's jaw drop. And I'm not joking - you just have to imagine it isn't small, but rather just far away FEATURING Does Size Matter? THE ANSWER How NOT to Enlarge Your Penis HOW TO ENLARGE Your Penis Small Penis Sex KINKS! Shorty – The Poem Jokes and Puzzles Contents Talking About Stature So you think you have a small penis. What is small? Why is my penis small? Shrinkage Retraction Micropenis Measuring Sitting versus standing Girth Volume On puberty and development Attitudes Does size matter? Does size matter to women? Does penis size really matter? So, does penis size matter? So what if it's small? Bulge enhancement Shaving How NOT to enlarge your penis HOW TO ENLARGE YOUR PENIS Penis transplants Small dick spotting What about "The Irish Curse" Lies damn lies Little cocks rock! What about humour? Interlude: Find 69 phalli Self When do we start to feel small? Pride and shame Confidence (Why do we worry?) Talking about it How to find acceptance Sex Rejection Does a small penis mean worse sex? Virginity Casual sex Fertility Condoms Ex's Performance anxiety Positions Toys! Toys! Toys! Kinks Society and Culture The obsession with size Fig leaves (classical art) Hitler Suicides #KYS Good joke bad joke New York's small penis pageant Ilma Gore's painting of Trump History of Shorty Shorty After Shorty The Big Small Penis Party Closing To my fellow men Resources Final words Fertility You know its bullshit right? What is? Women CAN still get pregnant if you withdraw, or do it standing up or when the moon is full or if you have a small cock. [image: ] One of THE most ridiculous things I've read is that a short penis cannot deposit its load close enough to the cervix to reliably impregnate a woman. Tell that to the teenage me who remembers picking dried spunk scabs out of his hair after a particularly vigorous wank (admittedly my hairline was somewhat less receded in those days). Some very small penises are associated with other medical conditions that may affect fertility - such as hypospadias - but penis size itself has nothing to do with the ability to father a child. Apparently the anogenital distance (AGD, crikey we'll measure anything won't we?) is more likely to correlate to fertility than the penis size itself - t’Internet tells me 2 inches is the norm. Measure that instead of your dick if you're concerned or better still see a doctor and get a semen analysis done. Always deal with facts not fiction! What about "The Irish Curse" I came across the term "The Irish Curse" recently, which I'd never heard before and it piqued my interest as I have the strongest of Irish roots and, although my own dick is small, I'd never got the sense that it was an hereditary condition. So I gave a LOT of thought to the question of penis size versus race… Penis Size Myths Black men all have massive dicks Asian men all have tiny cocks Some of the vilest commentary around penis size centres on people's concept of race and despite these so-called 'politically correct' times, this is thinking that just hasn't gone away. ('Politically Correct' is also a vile term, as if universal respect is somehow a false construct). Race is a social construct used to oppress and also used to forgive atrocities (such as slavery and genocide). It has no basis in science which recognises that humans vary on a continuous scale. Belief in these myths is unquestionably a racist viewpoint. Yet we see endless reports on how the average penis size varies country by country, so perhaps you don't believe me on this matter? First of all, consider the quality of the data. Our best analysis of size to date comes from a review of 15,000 surveys of varying quality conducted worldwide over decades. Statistics work well over large datasets but when you zero-in on just one of around 200 countries the amount of data you have is very much reduced. These penis size-by-country reports are extrapolating data beyond any reasonable level of accuracy. They are pseudoscience and as such are fantasy. Clearer cases of ‘seek and thee shall find’ I have yet to see. But these interpolations chime so strongly with stereotypical (racist) views that it's very difficult to totally dismiss them. It IS possible due to common environmental and hereditary conditions that a specific place at a specific time throws up relatively larger or smaller dicks. It is possible that (say) Kenyans have typically larger dicks than the Vietnamese; which might be useful information if you're a sex pest sex tourist BUT that (unproven) possibility does not mean That 'Black' people have bigger dicks than 'Asian' people. Nor, that Kenyans always have big dicks Nor, that the Vietnamese always have small dicks This dubious 'knowledge' actually tells us nothing of value. It does allow us to oppress all people who look like they might be what we call Asian, if we were so minded. It also lets us heap up the anxiety stakes for black guys with small cocks. In short the only thing this so called knowledge does is to allow us to act like racists. All reasonable people have dismissed the politically oppressive concept of race that says stupid and often hurtful things like "all black guys have big dongs". Instead of 4 or 5 'races' we now recognise a fluid number of around 5,000 ethnicities. It's possible (but by no means proven) that a given ethnicity is prone to large prongs, but it is utterly misguided to confuse this with any sense of race. If you still feel that disquieting uncertainty about these myths remember: you were born into in a racist world, don't be a victim of its oppression. Confidence (Why do we worry?) I've never had a wide circle of friends, I've always preferred to cultivate a small number of very close friends - which means inevitably and despite my shyness, most friends have seen my cock at some point; after gym, taking an alley wee, changing on the beach etc... But certainly not often, once or twice each at most. I've been far too anxious to go showing it off! I have pretty good friends, decent people and I've never suffered overt or relentless teasing. But, thinking back over these friendships now I realise that every one of my friends who have seen my (soft) cock have at some (later) point made a comment about my size. Just slight, one-off references. "You don't have much there do you?", "he's obviously way bigger than you". Not much from any of them, in no way could you characterise them as mean or bullying people. But, it doesn't take much to destroy a man's confidence in that department. These comments are so rare and minor that my friends would never have thought they could have such an effect. However I realise now that growing up, just about every friend that has seen me has made such a comment, albeit just once. The accumulation weighed heavily. It's interesting how even a single comment adds to the pool of negativity that we cultivate. I can't help but have those comments stick in my mind. My own memory taunted me for years. There's no way to undo that BUT now I've come to appreciate that "small" isn't an insult, it's just a fact. Instead of trying to forget the unforgettable I've changed my attitude to it. When I remember those moments now I do so with a smile. Yes, I have a small dick – but, you know, I've ended up happy. Neither my little dick nor my friends were the cause of my anguish. I was! My belief that not being 'normal' or 'average' was somehow a bad thing. I think in the long run, if my friends hadn't been gently truthful, I'd never have come to terms with being small. But still, society is obsessed with big penises. As a species we have lost all perspective. When we lived more in real local communities, when we couldn't get away from other people, who would find out everything they could about you (!) there was little choice but to come to terms with who you are. The same was true for everybody. So we may have admired big penises, but we all we knew they were pretty thin on the ground really. [image: ] Now, we know less about each other and we see WAY more 'enhanced packages'. Every guy on the Internet is at least 7 inches it seems. The borders between fantasy and reality are breaking down. There's no issue with admiring or desiring a big cock. The issue lies in the illusion that they abound and that if you don't have one you're abnormal, alone. I'm highly successful at a lot of things and most people wouldn't have recognised me as suffering from a lack of self-confidence - but I think I created a shell. My lack of confidence in that area drove me harder to be successful in other ways. That's at least a positive thing. So it's a very mixed and complex story. My small penis has caused me to be distant from people, limited my sexual encounters, and left me emotionally very vulnerable. But on the other hand I'm highly driven and successful and when I do get close to a person I'm hugely loyal, supportive and caring. It's not a thing you can change, so look for and build on the positives. Talking About Stature …everything to be said about size [image: F:\Libraries\Documents\TheSmallPenisBible\SectionStature.jpg] Interlude: Find 69 phalli BISHOP BOOMSTICK CANDLE CHOAD CHOPPER CHUB CHUBBY COCK DAGGER DICK DICKIE DINK DIPSTICK DONG DORK DRAGON EGGROLL EXCALIBUR FANG FERRET GROIN HOG HOSE JACKHAMMER JIMMY JOHN JOHNSON JOYSTICK JUNK LONGFELLOW MANHOOD MEMBER MICROPENIS MICROPHONE MUTTON NETHERROD NOB PECKER PEDRO PEEPEE PERCY PETER PISTON PLUG POPEYE PRICK RAMBURGLAR ROD ROUNDHEAD SAUSAGE SCHLONG SHAFT SOLDIER TALLYWHACKER TASSLE THUNDERSWORD TINKER TODGER TONK TOOL TUBESTEAK TWIG WAND WANG WANGER WICK WIENER WILLY WINKIE YINGYANG [image: wordsearchpuzzle] Solution* [image: wordsearchsolution (1)] *by the way, you won't find "micropenis" in the grid because I don't actually consider it a valid term for any penis; see earlier for my reasoning… Positions On vaginal, oral and anal penetration "I just don't like the idea of having to be stuck doing oral and toys like some lesbian, or anal like I'm gay" – a forum user Wow, that's some strong posting. The guy got flamed somewhat for 'homophobic attitudes', but I read it as a pretty raw and honest statement. Certainly there's a lack of empathy, and possibly a lack of respect, for 'lesbians and gays' here but it’s not necessarily an attack on those lifestyles. It reveals very clearly a problem that a lot of guys with penis size anxiety feel - that vaginal penetration is the only apex for successful sexual congress. Plenty of guys express their anxiety in terms of feeling inadequate because they can't bring a woman to orgasm through penetration. But Psychology Today tells us that only a quarter of women regularly orgasm through penetration anyway. Mostly, men orgasm through the act of penetration. For men, penetrative orgasm is indeed pretty key. But it's a pretty poor attitude to say that therefore it's the most important part of sex for your partner too. Good sex requires that you learn, appreciate and apply the techniques that satisfy your partner (while they do the same for you). Assuming what is good for you must be good for your partner too is at best selfish and at worst misogynistic. Telling a woman there is something wrong because she doesn't orgasm through penetration can be deeply shaming to her, if she's the kind of woman that never orgasms in that way. It doesn't matter that you think it's all your fault, she knows she doesn't orgasm like that (with anybody) and you're constantly banging on about how that means the sex is shit. How is she meant to feel about that? It’s one thing to have your own anxieties - but to use them, however inadvertently, to make a perfectly normal woman feel unsatisfactory is utterly unacceptable. Stop it. Now. You have no right to proclaim what is good sex for your partner. You have a duty to discover that through exploration. Good sex is different for every coupling of every couple. Going into sex with one abstract idea of perfection means that you will not reach it, but by aiming for it you will miss the path of exploration that could have lead you to the real perfection that was always within your grasp. But here's some good news. For women who orgasm through clitoral stimulation the small cock CAN be most effective. During penetrative sex the clitoris is most stimulated as the penis passes through the vaginal lips and stretches the vaginal opening. It is less stimulated for the remainder of the penetrative stroke. Therefore almost complete withdrawal (a 'long stroke') will again apply additional stimulation to the clitoris. It is way easier to achieve this 'long stroke' effect when the length of the long stroke is relatively short! This is why a small dick is quite capable of having a woman moaning and writhing. Believe it Nay, try it! Guys concerned about sexual adequacy due to size are forever being told to get good at oral. Naturally this doesn't help. The immediate and first thought is "yeah, but big dicked guys can do that too so I'm still not going to be good enough, am I?" This is yet another example of how we compare ourselves with a mythical perfection. Sure there'll be hung stallions with prehensile tongues out there set on gobbling up every woman you so much as lay your eyes upon. But can they breathe through their ears? Haha. Fact is, not one of us is THE perfect lover because not one of us is THE perfect human. Perfection doesn't come from reaching some cultural ideal. It comes from reaching our own true potential, whatever limits we feel we have to work within. So sure, get good at oral. Get good at the short dick/long stroke. Get good at being you. [image: ] Then there's the advice to try anal, small dicks are great for that - I'm constantly told. I dunno. I've never tried it. For no reason other than I've never tried it. Go for it if you and your partner want to. Try everything once. Explore. Experiment. Discover what works for you. Don't try it because you think there's no other option, as though it's a consolation prize. Give it a whirl. If you like it do it again. If you don't, try something else... [image: ] There are no recipes. No set pieces. You'll find endless "OMG!!! Sex positions for the small penis!!!" articles online. By all means read them for inspiration but avoid the mind-set that says "this is the limit of options". Every penis is different just as every person it's attached to or inserted into is different. You have to find your own positions. If you set about following the instructions for The Hound and it just doesn't work for you, then it feels like yet another failure. On the other hand if you just improvise on the spot and say "what if you try hanging upside-down off the back of the sofa?" you'll have great fun failing at sex as you fall together in a tangled heap. If you make it up as you go along and it doesn't work out it’s less of a failure and more of a laugh. Sex should always be practiced more than studied. Don't limit yourself with other people's small penis sex positions. Improvise and develop your own. The Big Small Penis Party A selection of journalistic questions put to me when I organised London's Big Small Penis Party. What inspired you to launch a small penis party? After the success of my poem Shorty I had a lot of e-mails etc. from men thanking me for opening up this discussion. I knew that statistically speaking a lot of men suffer anxiety, but hearing stories first hand really drives home how much misery we've brought to the world over such a small matter. Then, in the light of the despicable mutual body shaming spat between Lorde and Diplo, I realised that penis size anxiety is just another body image concern. Here's an issue that can truly unite men and women. If we come to understand that penis size anxiety is just another side to the body shaming coin we could tackle this issue together rather than being divided. So I really wanted to take the conversation forward. But I didn't want to just start a dry humourless campaign. I thought the only workable answer is acceptance - of who we are, what we're born with. And what better way to find acceptance than through celebration? Why is it important to you to spread the word and celebrate having a small penis? It's important to me personally as I've allowed size anxiety to shape my personality and sap my confidence for decades. Now that just about everybody knows I have a small penis my life is actually way easier. No more stress this awful secret may be discovered! Something like this only has a hold over you as long as you let it. I've honestly had no negative experiences in the last two years since declaring I have a small penis. I really don't want another person to have to waste their energy fretting over this. As a poet, and a performer, I guess I'd just like to leave the world a little bit of a better place than I found it. Roughly how many people are you expecting to turn up? With the amount of press coverage I'm expecting we will need to turn people away. The venue capacity is 250. Might this become a regular thing? Hopefully we'll get to the point where this kind of special celebration just isn't needed. What I think makes more sense, than just repeating this, would be to "syndicate the philosophy" - to have a similar celebratory party in every major city in the world. But that would need an army of volunteers. Someone in the States is already asking! What do you think people’s main reasons for attending will be: seeking solace, just a good idea, company of like-minded folk etc.? I think most people will just be curious. I've tried to create a conversation that is simultaneously fun and serious and I don't think we're used to talking about this issue in that way. Normally it's either deadly dry unbelievable statistics or else utterly puerile playground banter. I know that there will be a number of men there who are of a lesser stature who I think will just enjoy being in an utterly none judgemental environment What happens if someone turns up and says they have a large penis? They pay more. I have nothing against large penises. In fact they come with their own troubles! This is just a moment to say little willies are fine - not that others are in anyway bad. Embrace diversity. Viva la difference! How serious an effect has this had on your life? I haven't suffered the effect of anxiety as bad as some but it has been a constant shadow and drain on me for years. It made it very difficult for me to forge relationships or to share emotionally with partners. I'm less fit than I should be (fear of changing rooms!) - But now, aged 48, I quite like the man I have become. I can't help but think that if I hadn't had to live with this and come to terms with it, I may have turned out to be much more arrogant. And ultimately less happy than the place I have arrived. You like to use humour when you talk about the subject? Why is this? Do you think that men respond to humour better? First of all, humour is a great healer. It dispels stress. And when you're discussing a difficult subject, why make it even harder by being overly serious? It's also way easier to dismiss or ignore an issue when it's presented seriously. And I really hate that statement "It's Political Correctness gone mad". So many good arguments are lost by being too earnest. I love a good small dick joke, but I'll happily challenge a bad one! I don't know if men and women differ in this regard, but I do know it's an issue that can deeply hurt a man and that a little humour can be a big help. Where do you think negativity towards having small members originally came from? Large penises play out well in porn and fantasy. But they are quite rare, so in olden times (before the Internet!) the difference between fantasy and reality was much clearer. When we lived in smaller communities without mass media it was clear, most guys are average not large. Nowadays we're less social; we don't see each other naked so much. At the same time we're bombarded by doctored images (in advertising) and specifically selected larger males (in porn) - so we not only get the message "bigger is better" but we seem to live in a world where everyone else is bigger! What do you hope to achieve through the event? I want to take the conversation I started to the next level. I want to show that it's possible to embrace and celebrate the smaller penis - that it's not a matter of admitting this dreadful thing (!), or coming to terms with it. It's a matter of celebrating our individuality. I hope that the story of the event will spread far and wide, so that others who still suffer deep shame can stop and think 'loads of people went to that party in England, maybe it's true that size doesn't really matter after all' Maybe the message will gain some momentum. Perhaps we'll see more celebrations across the world. Perhaps there'll be enough interest to make me think about the next big step... Whatever that turns out to be. Bulge enhancement I remember when I was young reading that Jim Morrison packed his tight jeans with a length of rope to enhance his 'stage presence'. I have no idea if that was true but certainly I did experiment very briefly with 'sock stuffing'. It wasn't very successful as a rolled up pair of socks had the habit of shifting around and eventually falling down my trouser leg, I should perhaps have pinned them in place! But by far the greater problem was that the only thing this achieved was to make me constantly aware of the state of my package all day - effectively increasing my anxiety a hundred fold. A writer for Cosmopolitan tried a similar experiment and came to the same conclusion. Nobody but himself really noticed anything. It seems consciously enhancing your bulge only increases your awareness of the anxiety. You can now buy 'form enhancing' male underwear which is less fiddly but I expect the fundamental issue remains; i.e. that whilst they may give a degree of confidence they reinforce the anxiety that says you need such 'enhancement'. I couldn't recommend such as day-to-day wear for that reason. It's also hard to see how they'd be helpful for 'special occasions' - as they'd clearly make it even harder to face the moment of denouement; which frankly has been tough enough for me in the past, actually leading me to readily avoid such moments. I don't see the slight confidence boost is worth the extra stress. Unless the codpiece were to make a return. Retraction [image: ] Sometimes life throws up a perfect storm. The universe conspires to firstly bestow you with a small (soft) cock and then presents you with a cold day, after exercise. So that as you sit on the locker room bench to change you find your little chap 'turtling'. That is shrunken all the way down such that it is totally rolled up inside of you. If you're uncircumcised perhaps the foreskin still protrudes. This can happen at other times too; a long seated commute, a pair of tight jeans. You nip to the loo and find you have to tease your chap out, pressing down on the pubic pad with index finger and thumb to encourage him to pop out. Fiddling on while the guy next you smirks, thinking "what's wrong, can't you find it?" - Perhaps even letting a snigger escape. I paint a specific and graphic picture so that you know, you are not alone. It happens. But thinking about what I've already said, it is extra awesome to see a cock in this state rise to the occasion. To go from barely peeping out to a full on four inches of blue steel just causes delight. The very definition of a 'sweet surprise'. My wife loves that. And I love to see her hands clapping together in excited joy when it happens. A hefty six inch soft cock might bring a gasp on the reveal, but then when it just thickens up and stiffens a bit it can be somewhat anticlimactic! A penis is a delightful thing, and no matter the stature they can all bring pleasure in an infinite variety of ways. Sometimes when I hear that snigger from the guy next to me at the urinal I smile to myself because I know the surprise and joy my little chap can bring. And remember, nobody's going to love you unless and until you love yourself. Micropenis Or diagnosis by statistic If you read about the issue of Micropenis you'll see we're told that about 1 in 200 men suffer from it. Hang about; I work for a company that employs 20,000 people. That means probably 50 of my colleagues have so called 'micropenis'. How come we're calling that rare? Usually with medical conditions you're diagnosed through symptoms - then we can look at how many people have those symptoms and say something like "1 in 10 Americans suffer diabetes". But micropenis is diagnosed by statistics. It's said that anyone whose penis is more than 2.5 standard deviations less than the mean 'suffers' from micropenis. In other words we can take a perfectly normal functioning human being and bestow upon them, uninvited, a 'medical condition'. Which we then can't do anything about, except to pity or ridicule them. I just read this in the comments on an article about living with a micropenis: His affliction has a greater psychological effect than perhaps some other abnormality or disability because of the emphasis we as a society put on sexuality and his penis I suppose they meant well, but really? Affliction, abnormality, disability - what possible help are terms like these? How is it useful to draw an arbitrary line and say that a 7cm penis is abnormal but a 7.5cm penis isn't? Such a 'diagnosis' doesn't even come with the benefit of a 'cure'. Micropenis is not a medical condition. It's a category, a judgement, a headline. Diagnosis by statistic feels to me to be very wrong; to be heading towards eugenics. We cannot allow ourselves to say "because only 0.6% of people are born like you, you are not quite human, you deserve a special tag". We can't allow ourselves to recognise this term, this idea. Ilma Gore's painting of Trump My comments on Ilma Gore's controversial painting of Donald Trump in 2016 "Simply put you can be a massive prick, despite what is in your pants." This image doesn't carry that message. It only makes sense in the context of our current cultural thinking; it relies on our zeitgeist for its fundamental proposition that Trump is a massive prick. Therefore, it begs to be understood only in common assumptions. And that assumption inevitably is that Trump is a massive prick not despite, but rather because, of what is in his pants. It's inevitable and inescapable that people will take from this work the message that having a small dick makes you a big prick. And they have. Take a look on Twitter. This statement from the artist is a rationalisation after the fact, an attempt to justify the work. I find it shameful and dishonest. Toys! Toys! Toys! Toys, just like oral and anal, are often cited as 'cures' for them with diminutive members. I can think of no worse advice. How's a guy supposed to feel when you suggest an 8 inch piece of plastic can replace him? The real truth is - no matter the stature of your lover's flesh pole - toys are a fucking brilliant extra dimension. The idea that a guy packing 8 inches doesn't need to use toys is as laughable as the idea that a guy with 4 inches can't give great sex without them. In case I haven't mentioned it already: Great sex is exploration. Toys aren't the last resort when the bedroom sheets have turned stale or the make do and mend solution when you've given up on trying to make each other cum. They're just not that humdrum. Toys stimulate play. For any and every one. Get some in. Rings and straps Rings I'm personally a little nervy of. They come in a variety of sizes and the thought I might open a box only to find that none of them fit taunts me. Cock Straps are so much better - after all with my skinny wrists I'm used to having to punch an extra hole in to a leather watch strap - and cock straps aren’t much different (take it off before trying to skewer a new hole in to it with a fork though). [image: ] Rings and straps essentially restrict blood flow. The high pressure arterial inlet continues to function pretty much unimpeded whilst the low pressure venous return is constricted. The net result being a very firm erection with the possibility of your willy inflating like a balloon and popping - haha, no, not really. They do improve erections though, as well as lifting your whole junk somewhat proud of your fleshy pubic mound. Making it all the more accessible and thereby attractive. Don't wear them until your balls turn black and drop off though. Just saying. Extensions Penis extension sleeves are a bit like reinforced condoms in construction. I guess if they're a snug fit they might work, but I kind of imagine they'll just get rammed up into place and then sit there so it feels a little like fucking a rubber tunnel... Some of them come with ball rings so your scrotum can drag them out on the back stroke which sounds a little hernia inducing. The reviews I've read talk about the need to pierce them with needles so the air can escape as they're squeezed on - the real problem with toys is generally the mechanics. The time taken to find them and attach them can be intrusive, unless it's all part of the game play. But perhaps pierce the sleeve well beforehand; I've seen far too many disturbing videos involving needles to want such lying about during a good romp. Sleeves are complex because you not only need to know that the exterior dimension is suitable for your partner but also that the interior dimensions are going to be a good fit. Of course in advertising they mostly boast about the exterior dimension and just understanding if the damn thing will fit you isn't easy. As with a lot of toys, you'll need to research well, read the reviews and make sure you get the one that's right for you both. As well as extension sleeves you can get hollow strap-ons. The extra hardware (the straps) makes the whole question of fit less troublesome but they can be less comfortable - with unnatural pressure against your groin. In a poll on Measurection about a third of small guys say that using extensions would be a dent to their egos, worrying their partner would prefer it to the actual man. But plenty of guys seem quite happy with their experience, reporting (sensibly) that they're great as an occasional alternative; which really all toys should be as the last thing you want with sex is to get into a rut or routine. Dildos and vibrators [image: ] Toys can seem scary, especially for a guy with size anxiety. One look at say, Love Honey's whopping 9.5 inch “Happy Rabbit 2” in comparison to even an average cock can bewilder and depress a guy. How can he hope to contend with its bright purple motor powered frenzy, let alone the insanely jiggling ear appendages? But looking more closely, that eerie ear appendage rides high on the shaft. For all of its mighty bludgeoning appearance the specification states a rather modest insertable length of 5.25 inches with a girth of 4.75 inches. It's almost as though it's actually fashioned after a bog standard human cock (5.2 x 4.6 inches)! Which of course it is. It's made to LOOK impressive, to have the same visual allure of a big cock whilst actually being a manageable size in operation. Most dildos sold are in the 4-6 inch range because that's what women prefer in these things. Women are not generally secretly impaling themselves and writhing about on 9 inch love horns when we're not around. In fact insertion often isn't even the point of many vibrators. Toys are not prosthetics. The point of them isn't to make up for something lacking. They're to remind us that sex is a fun filled game. They shake up routine. It's never a question of your partner replacing you with a catalogue item. If you happen to witness your partner cumming like never before take joy in that. Don't despoil the moment by wishing you were more like a chunk of plastic. Be happy you're in a relationship where the joy of sex transcends ego. And remember, even the highest quality sex toys ultimately end up as gunk splattered landfill, while you and your partner are continuing to enjoy flesh on flesh consummate sex. Shrinkage I was in the pool! You can't tell how big a guy's cock can get just by looking at it on the slack. Yet, a small soft penis will bring peals of laughter. Resorting to the "but I'm a grower!" line hardly helps since as soon as you try to defend yourself others know you're vulnerable... (Much better to just laugh it all off). It's true of course, some guys are growers and others are show'ers. That's a little complex for the human mind though (especially the kind that body shames people) and people assume you can't really grow that much. Equally a large floppy penis may elicit delighted gasps even though it may be a show'er with perhaps no increase in length whatsoever as matters arise. We know most penises are about the same size when hard and that they grow by a greater or lesser extent. But at the same time we believe small ones can't possibly grow enough, and that big ones must grow significantly. Most dicks grow by around 50% (the average flaccid length being 3.5 inches and the average erection being between 5.1 and 5.6 inches). Watching a dick grow is a true wonder of nature, especially if it starts out very small but seemingly expands almost uncontrollably. Seeing a truly large dick might be impressive - but nothing beats the joy, the delight, the sheer surprise of seeing a 'one inch wonder' expand maybe 4 or 5 times in front of your eyes! Looking at a soft dick, you simply never can tell... It's cold in here! Closing …small penis wisdom [image: F:\Libraries\Documents\TheSmallPenisBible\SectionClosing.jpg] Shaving 'Shave your pubes and it'll look bigger' I'm told. I also tried that when I was young but it only had the effect on me of making my size all the more conspicuous. Plus this was in the 80's when nobody talked about such things, so it seemed a little deviant. I was suddenly intensely embarrassed not only that my cock was small but that if it were seen people would laugh horrendously at the idea I HAD shaved it to make it look bigger. Which I had! Now that I'm much older I have since shaved again occasionally. Not to appear bigger, but because it's an interesting look for a change. I kind of like the silkiness of the feel of my freshly shaved ball bag. And actually there's an empowerment in overcoming the intense embarrassment I felt in my youth. A defiance. It's my junk and I'll treat it how I want no matter what YOU may think. It also meant I could send my wife a dick pic while she was away that tickled and delighted her. Like it were a game. As if sexy things should be fun... If you do decide to shave read up on how to do it safely, you don't want to end up with an abscess on your goolies. Small dick spotting T'Internet abounds with 'advice' on how to tell if a guy has a small dick. Nothing more clearly reveals the stupidity of collective thought! There are just too many myths surrounding this question. No, big feet does not mean big cock, nor vice-versa. The size of the nose does not correlate with the size of the dick. Sorry Pinocchio, it doesn’t matter how many lies you tell. There's a tenuous possibility that the ratio between your index and ring finger lengths may predict penis size. One study concluded that a longer index finger than ring finger indicates a smaller penis. I've no idea how safe a conclusion that is. I've no idea what possible practical help that might be to anybody. I wouldn't get hung up about it and I'm certainly not rushing out to buy mittens. From too, too many blog posts you'll see three varieties of personality 'signs' that he has a small dick: 1.Guys with small dicks are awful people He's angry He's a fighter He's cruel to animals He carries a gun He's a player (because nobody goes back for more) He's super macho He's got a massive ego He's cold and detached 2.Guys with small dicks are good people, but somehow that's bad He is the “Relationship Guy” He doesn’t Press You For Sex (he's not a player) He’s an Oral Overachiever He tries to look good and probably goes to a gym He bangs on about how size doesn't matter He's so emotional, like he has feelings 3.And simply weird shit He's been cheated on by all of His Ex's He never talks about his own cock He never discusses cock size He acts like a tortured soul He has a firm handshake He has expensive shoes His pants pockets are always full You can see this list is riddled with contradictions. In fact if you read enough of these articles you'd eventually conclude that every man on the planet has a small dick. They are bullshit. All of them. Steer well clear. I did see a report that said penis size has an inverse correlation to IQ. The idea that guys with small dicks are brainier was quite the hot topic for a while. But following the story through (and almost falling off the end of the Internet) it turns out there's no science behind this claim. Some bright spark had simply taken the inaccurate and deeply racist 'penis size map of the world' and overlaid it with national average IQ scores. Trying to support claims that all Black guys are dumb but hung and all Asians are evil geniuses with tiny nobs. Any attempt to correlate any aspect of a person to the size of their dick is simply judgement laden pseudoscience. People like to pretend their bigotry is rational. Nobody can tell if you have a small dick just by looking at you. Not even if you're naked. Unless you have a raging boner and they have an accurate ruler on them (like The Original Almost Ruler perhaps) Resources Groups, forums and support destinations A LOT of Facebook and older (Yahoo!) groups are basically vampiric timewasters filled with people looking for cybersex and others looking to exploit them. There are a handful of decent destinations though. www.measurection.com A forum based site with years' worth of discussion from real people about actual issues. It's strongly resists attempts to market bogus enlargement options and anything that reinforces negative attitudes. Highly body positive. Some members are bit creepy, but others tend to weigh in and it's pretty well moderated. In its hundreds of pages of questions you'll almost certainly find perspectives on anything the troubles you. www.mentalsupportcommunity.net This is a seriously moderated site as it creates a highly safe place for people in mental distress. From the homepage you will see Small Penis Syndrome as a 'special topic', low down on the homepage. In other forums its dismaying, disturbing, how often you catch moments of deep depression and talk of suicide. If you're in or near that space this is a good place to take a look at. www.inpraiseofsmallguys.tumblr.com This is a highly personal blog from a guy who's been on a serious journey of acceptance. It has the inevitable NSFW pictures scattered throughout it but some very lengthy and considered writing. It's good destination to see how the hardest of journeys CAN end in a good place. http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/penis-health/Pages/penis-health.aspx This is the UK's National Health Services website so everything it has to say is well measured and worth bearing in mind. Statistics 45% of men dissatisfied with penis size: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/penis-health/Pages/penis-size.aspx Average penis size between 5.1 and 5.6 inches erect and 3.5 inches flaccid: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647.php Average erect girth 4.6 inches: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bju.13010/full Only 11.2% of women consider size "Very Important": https://www.dred.com/uk/does-size-matter/ Larger penises linked to infidelity: http://www.medicaldaily.com/size-matters-larger-penises-linked-wives-infidelity-study-says-278090 Larger penises preferred in casual sex than in relationship sex: http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article/asset?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0133079.PDF 30% of small guys feel penis extension would add to insecurity: http://www.measurection.com/fusionbb/pollresults.php?poll/314/ 85% of women satisfied with partner's size: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647.php Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic Videos The poem I wrote (Shorty) which gathered so much attention that I had to go on my own journey of exploration and ultimately acceptance can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Cax2rYNvSY Without offering a spoiler here's a fictional film about a small penis support group – very much worth a watch… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81R8xvW6nHA PodCasts The Full Disclosure PodCast: http://www.fdpod.com/podcasts/fdpod-130-small-penis-size-with-poet-ant-smith/ The Hater Nation Show: http://haternation.podbean.com/e/episode-77-1424794947/ The Guardian Close Encounters: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/audio/2016/jul/26/learning-to-love-my-small-penis-close-encounters-sex-podcast Referenced articles Causes of small penis http://verastic.com/social/top-reason-men-small-penises.html http://www.stopsmoking.net/penis-size.html Penetrative sexual orgasms https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic Counter Phobic Sexualisation http://www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com/emotions-become-sexualized/ Animated Genitals http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jan/14/swedish-childrens-tv-cartoon-dancing-sparks-parental-outcry-genitals-penis-vagina-dancing Cosmopolitan, wearing a fake bulge http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a28397/i-wore-a-fake-bulge/ Shaving tips http://www.menshealth.com/style/7-must-follow-manscaping-tricks On Puberty and Development http://www.drgreene.com/perspectives/penis-size-during-puberty/ Tanner Stages https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanner_scale Fertility and Penis Size http://natural-fertility-info.com/male-infertility-everything-you-need-to-know.html Crisp Packet Condoms http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3473415.stm Penis size in art http://www.howtotalkaboutarthistory.com/reader-questions/why-do-all-old-statues-have-such-small-penises/ Penis Size Anxiety Suicide http://www.thestar.com.my/story/?file=%2F2006%2F4%2F20%2Fasia%2F14004593& Swedish children's programme: animated genitals https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jan/14/swedish-childrens-tv-cartoon-dancing-sparks-parental-outcry-genitals-penis-vagina-dancing Articles by and of the author Interview with Radio 1's Newsbeat: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/31916850/what-its-like-to-have-a-penis-below-the-international-average-size Interviews with Vice: http://www.vice.com/read/meet-the-london-man-throwing-a-party-for-men-with-tiny-dicks-191 http://www.vice.com/read/in-defence-of-my-small-penis-393 Interview with Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/02/19/small-penis-party-challenging-taboo_n_6705012.html Articles for The Independent Voices: http://www.independent.co.uk/author/ant-smith Interview with The Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11431842/The-Big-Small-Penis-Party-tackling-a-male-body-image-taboo.html Interview with AskMen: http://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/small-penis-party.html Supporting companies The T-Shirt Company that loved the story so much they sent me a free T-Shirt for my performances: http://blog.tshirtstudio.com/tag/big-small-penis-party/ TheyFit condoms who sent me about 100 Johnnies to play with while I was 'researching' all this http://www.theyfit.co.uk Fun bits 'n' pieces Because sex, life, the universe and everything can get just too damn serious here's some bits and pieces to distract yourself with. First off, now you've read most of the manual why not try this "Are you a Small Penis Guru" Quiz: http://antsmith.net/spug/penisguru.html Hitler First published in the International Business Times At the start of 2016, I found myself on national UK daytime television talking about how I have a small penis and how I'm okay with that. In fact I had been saying pretty much the same thing for the last two years since my poem on the subject went viral. I was proud and pleased to be sending this body positivity message to millions of people, and I thought the world really was changing for the better. I couldn't have imagined such a sensitive topic being discussed on mainstream media a year previously. It felt as though, as a society, we really were growing up and leaving the playground behind. Then I saw an article that opened with: "It has long been suspected that Hitler's conquest of Europe was an attempt to compensate for a lack of potency elsewhere." Has it really? Some might think it had a little to do with the conditions of the treaty of Versailles or the effect of the Great Depression. But we have a long cultural tradition of blaming aggression on a man's shortcomings (think Napoleon Complex). Which is perhaps why the press so readily picked up one part of historians' Mayo and Craigie's recent book "Hitler's last day: minute by minute". They said Hitler himself is believed to have had two forms of genital abnormality: an undescended testicle and a rare condition called penile hypospadias in which the urethra opens on the underside of the penis Now there's nothing specifically there that says Hitler had a micropenis, but it's common for tales to become exaggerated down the line and as I read report after report Hitler's tail diminished by the column inch. And of course, the conclusion that this drove him toward all his atrocities followed readily: Mail online: The two conditions would go a long way to explaining ... his deep-seated fury. Daily Star: Adolf Hitler suffered from a humiliating condition which could explain his trademark rage... The Sun: Hitler suffered from an embarrassing condition that may be able to explain ... his rage... Unilad: Historians have revealed that Hitler suffered from a rather embarrassing condition which probably explains his anger issues... medicaldaily.com: Well, this may explain a lot ... Hitler was responsible for the deaths of six million Jewish people in Europe around the time of World War II in what would become known as the Holocaust. As a guy with a small penis, this last quote is particularly sickening. The trouble is though, there may well be some - albeit twisted - grain of truth here. Hitler might well have had a small (or even micro) penis and like many men today, that may have shamed him and helped fashion his psychology. But, crucially, this was due to external sexual attitudes and not his biology. If we create a direct causal link between the condition of his genitals and his atrocities then several bad things happen to us: We inadvertently support Hitler’s abhorrent beliefs that humanity is defined by our biology. We effectively support eugenics, euthanasia of the disabled and his final solution for ensuring the supremacy of the 'master race' We absolve ourselves of responsibility; we blame his condition rather than the conditions of society. We fail to recognise we are responsible for the monsters society creates. And then we perpetuate the attitudes and behaviours that create them. 77 years ago, in August 1939 someone penned the rhyme Hitler has only got one ball, Göring has two but very small, Himmler has something sim'lar, But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all. But those were simpler times and that was wartime propaganda. Surely that great struggle for democracy and freedom was meant to lead us to a better place, to more enlightened times? But perhaps things are not so bleak. Last year at the Big Small Penis Party I certainly saw openness and an acceptance of diversity that was hugely encouraging and this has lead on to a lot of positive coverage. Even today there have been some outlets that have resisted making the link between smaller penises and aggression (Pink News and the Mirror). Then others (Independent and TheFrisky) utterly refuted the idea. It's difficult to imagine ideas can change, society can improve, that the sum total of misery can be somehow lessened - but the very fact that there is a debate on this fills me with hope. A hope that readers here will believe me when I promise that, despite my small penis, I'm not planning on aggressively conquering Europe. Society and Culture …the small penis in the world around us [image: ] After Shorty Two years on from first writing and performing Shorty, and after 10 million people have listened to me banging on about this issue, where am I and where is the world now? One person (yes just one) has criticised the poem by saying it is ridiculous that the chorus says "at least he's got the balls to admit to it". Yes! Quite right. It is not, should not be a question of 'admitting' to anything. It is not an accusation, an offence. But do you know, I know that now, I didn't know so much at the time. In fact the very first draft didn't even go that far, initially the poem was just about reclaiming the endless oppression that society piles upon men with such anxiety. It was the inspiration of my wife that added the chorus and at the time it was absolutely right. And in fact given that the rest of the world is still on this journey of body positivity it remains absolutely right. I hope that in time it does become an anachronism, a thing of an outmoded time. The fact that one person has made this point fuels this hope. And in fact the world is changing. At the very start of this year (2016) I found myself on national daytime TV discussing perceptions of size. They screwed the whole report up of course and handled the discussion very poorly – but the very idea that such issues could be discussed in such a forum would have been impossible to imagine even 12 months prior. I'm not so egotistical to believe that I have personally changed the world for the better – but I do believe that this world is changing, and I hope that you come to see that too. Final words How could anyone ever love a penis like this? If someone falls in love with you it is you in entirety that they love. This may sound cheesy or unbelievable. But it is exactly how love works. My wife doesn't love me despite my small penis. She loves me. She doesn't love me because of my small penis; she loves me because the whole package brings her an excitement, a charm, a warmth, a comfort, a challenge, a chemistry. She loves my penis not because of what it is or despite what it is. She loves my penis because it is an intrinsic part of me. She loves my penis because she loves me. Maybe my dick isn't what drew her towards me initially. Actually I'm sure it wasn't as she didn't know anything about it way back then! But what woman ever falls in love with the dick first? Not so many. But that doesn't matter. For some glorious reason she fell in love with me, the person. And as a consequence fell in love with my dick, even though I'd always believed it to be unlovable. When you discuss the dick in isolation it seems impossible that three, or four or five inches could be satisfying or acceptable to anyone. But there's the prime error. In all of this discourse we look at the dick as though it has a life of its own. We ask "does dick size matter" and argue over the answer. As soon as we ask the more pertinent question "does dick size matter in a loving relationship" there is no argument. No, it does not. And so it follows that the answer to the prime question: Does dick size matter in my value as a person? ...is a resounding and unequivocal: No. Believe it Nay, say it. Dick size does not matter in my value as a person. How to find acceptance How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready. The first hurdle is working out if you want to change, if ending the misery you feel is a true goal. 'Of course it is!' you may think, and if you've read this entire manual perhaps that's true. Unless reading this is just a form of procrastination. The human mind will harbour the fear that finding a 'cure' to your anxiety will suddenly make you responsible for who you are and how you feel. What if this reason for your misery is just a prop? What if, this one thing is fixed but yet you still don't find the happiness or the peace you crave? What then? Perhaps it's easier, safer, to cling on to this issue which you can at least identify. To know yourself in this way you simply have to inspect your actions. I said earlier that rigorous weight control or medically supervised traction devices can, over many many months, affect a limited length increase of some centimetres. Do you write that off as not worth the effort and instead buy pills you know are not going to work? Do you read everything here looking for reasons to refute what's said? Do you really want to resolve this issue? This is the number one thing you need to be honest with yourself about - you never need tell anyone else. If the answer is 'no', then the truth is you are looking in the wrong place. It could well be that exactly because penis size is impossible to significantly change, to ‘fix’; your tricksy mind has chosen it as a convenient hook for deeper concerns you don't want to look into. For myself, I have never been able to pin point an exact moment or event that triggered my anxiety. I was shy and body conscious before ever seeing another cock, before I had any awareness of cock size. As a very young child I would be, at times, mistaken for a girl. I grew up with two brothers that much older than me with whom it was always hard to be compared. I idolised my strong as an ox, take no shit, sometimes absent, father. This is where my anxiety sprang from, a deeper lack of self-confidence knowing that I was an accident, an afterthought, with impossible role models to live up to. I very often read in the online forums people describe themselves as "short, ugly, overweight, tiny-dicked"; clearly there is much more awry in their thinking than just penis size anxiety. If there are deeper issues, resolving your penis size anxiety may create the path to resolve those too. But if it seems impossible to find acceptance of your penis, you may need to address those deeper issues first. But hopefully, ultimately, you will be in a position to tackle this specific anxiety. But how? By fixing not the body, but the mind. If you try to 'fix' the body, if you continue to believe size is important to you, there's a very real danger that you will never have enough. I've seen stories of guys with 9 inch penises paying for enlargement surgery. When you take this route, there is no such thing as 'enough'. Even if you do take the (minimal) enlargement route it's vital that you also conquer your mental anxiety. There are three pillars to conquering anxiety Refuting judgement imposed on you Refuting your own judgments Embracing your own strengths You will probably have stored up a number of moments when you felt shamed by your penis and the echoes of those will rattle around your mind when you think of your penis today. But the past doesn't define who we are, it defines who we were. It is the here and now, the decisions we make, the actions we take today that define us. We can let history force our hand or we can recognise that the world constantly changes and some of that history is no longer relevant. So maybe in your teens or twenties somebody laughed at your dick. Those are naive times. That person may never have seen a real life dick before! It is completely invalid to think that reaction definitely will recur. Dismissing that recollection won't of course cure anxiety - but hanging onto it will prevent the cure. You should go through these recollections and dismiss those that are no longer relevant; you don't work there anymore; you don't hang with such immature people anymore... Clear out the noise, the old news. Prepare for a different thinking. Some of this history will still seem to be relevant. For years I hung onto the miserable memory of the moment my best mate laughed and said "you don't have much there do you?” But hang on; he's still my best mate. It was a one-off comment thirty years ago. He knows I have a small dick but here we are decades later. That knowledge has not poisoned our friendship. It's had no actual impact on me ever. So why should I hang on to that pain? Allow pain to disperse once you see it isn't still hurting you. Don't let old pains linger. But no matter how much you can dismiss because the world has changed or because you realise the pain is in the past there will be some moments that still linger, or new ones that hit you and leave you feeling wretched. Try to believe some of what has been laid out in this manual: "what if that person tells everyone?” what if they do? The majority won't care. But what if that one person I fancy hears and does care? Face the fact that there's no end of reasons why people are not compatible - but remember there are billions of people! Try to diminish the pain by dealing with facts not fears. This still leaves some, albeit diminished, pain. But we all suffer such, living creatures do. It's a mistake to try and eradicate all pain from life, because that's impossible. If we love we hurt. If we laugh we cry. Embrace your pains and hold them up against your joys and witness the beating rhythm of life. Seek balance. For years I never dared let my wife get a good look at my willy. Now that I'm over that, I get extra joy from stripping naked for her at every possible moment. [image: ] So in dealing with shame inducing judgements imposed on you, try to Filter out the noise, some of these things have no impact anymore For those that still do, diminish the impact by dealing with facts not fears Embrace the rhythm of life, let yesterday's pain inform tomorrow's joy It will be difficult though to effectively refute imposed judgements while you continue to judge yourself. Penis size anxiety is riddled with comparisons with others. "What if her ex was bigger?"; "What if I'm the smallest in the locker room?