Main What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading PeopleJoe Navarro, Marvin Karlins
Read this book and send your nonverbal intelligence soaring. Joe Navarro, a former FBI counterintelligence officer and a recognized expert on nonverbal behavior, explains how to "speed-read" people: decode sentiments and behaviors, avoid hidden pitfalls, and look for deceptive behaviors. You'll also learn how your body language can influence what your boss, family, friends, and strangers think of you. You will discover: The ancient survival instincts that drive body language Why the face is the least likely place to gauge a person's true feelings What thumbs, feet, and eyelids reveal about moods and motives The most powerful behaviors that reveal our confidence and true sentiments Simple nonverbals that instantly establish trust Simple nonverbals that instantly communicate authority Filled with examples from Navarro's professional experience, this definitive book offers a powerful new way to navigate your world... He says that's his best offer. Is it? She says she agrees. Does she? The interview went great—or did it? He said he'd never do it again. But he did.
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03 September 2015 (15:36)
WHAT EVERY BODY I S S AY I N G An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People J O E N A V A R R O FBI Special Agent (Ret.) with Marvin Karlins, Ph.D. To my grandmother, Adelina, whose withered hands lovingly molded a child into a man. — J O E N AVA R R O To my wife, Edyth, who has blessed me with her love and taught me what it means to be a caring human being. — M A R V I N K A R L I N S C O N T E N T S Foreword: I See What You’re Thinking vi Acknowledgments x ONE Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal Communication 1 TWO Living Our Limbic Legacy 21 THREE Getting a Leg Up on Body Language: Nonverbals of the Feet and Legs 53 FOUR Torso Tips: Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and Shoulders 85 FIVE Knowledge Within Reach: Nonverbals of the Arms 109 SIX Getting a Grip: Nonverbals of the Hands and Fingers 133 v C O N T E N T S SEVEN The Mind’s Canvas: Nonverbals of the Face 165 EIGHT Detecting Deception: Proceed with Caution! 205 NINE Some Final Thoughts 233 Bibliography 235 Index 239 About the Authors Other Books by Joe Navarro with Marvin Karlins Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher F O R E W O R D I See What You’re Thinking Marvin Karlins, Ph.D. The man sat stoically at one end of the table, carefully crafting his replies to the FBI agent’s inquiries. He wasn’t considered a major suspect in the murder case. His alibi was believable and he sounded sincere, but the agent pressed on nevertheless. With the suspect’s consent, he was asked a series of questions about the murder weapon: “If you had committed this crime, would you have used a gun?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used a knife?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used an ice pick?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used a hammer?” One of the weapons, the ice pick, had actually been used in the commission of the crime, but that information had been kept from the public. Thus, only the killer would know which object was the real murder weapon. As the FBI agent went down the list of weapons, he vii F O R E W O R D observed the suspect carefully. When the ice pick was mentioned, the man’s eyelids came down hard and stayed down until the next weapon was named. The agent instantly understood the significance of the eyelid behavior he had witnessed, and from that moment forward the “minor” suspect became the primary person of interest in the investigation. He later confessed to the crime. Chalk one up for Joe Navarro, a remarkable human being who, in addition to unmasking the ice-pick killer, is credited with catching scores of criminals, including “master spies,” in a distinguished twenty-five-year career with the FBI. How was he able to do this? If you asked him, he quietly would say, “I owe it to being able to read people.” Joe, it turns out, has spent his entire professional life studying, refining, and applying the science of nonverbal communications—facial expressions, gestures, physical movements (kinesics), body distance (proxemics), touching (haptics), posture, even clothing—to decipher what people are thinking, how they intend to act, and whether their pronouncements are true or false. This is not good news for criminals, terrorists, and spies, who, under his careful scrutiny, usually give off more than enough nonverbal body signals (“tells”) to make their thoughts and intentions transparent and detectable. It is, however, very good news for you, the reader, because the very same nonverbal knowledge Joe relied on to become a master “Spycatcher,” “human lie detector,” and instructor at the FBI is what he will be sharing with you so you can better understand the feelings, thoughts, and intentions of those around you. As a renowned author and educator, Joe will teach you how to observe like an expert, detecting and deciphering the nonverbal behaviors of others so you can interact with them more successfully. For business or for pleasure, this knowledge will enrich and magnify your life. Much of what Joe will be sharing with you in this book was not even recognized fifteen years ago by the scientific community. It is only through recent advances in brain-scan technology and neural imaging that scientists have been able to establish the validity of the behaviors Joe will be describing. Drawing from the latest discoveries in psychology, F O R E W O R D viii neurobiology, medicine, sociology, criminology, communication studies, and anthropology—plus his quarter century of experience using nonverbal behavior in his work as an FBI Special Agent—Joe is uniquely qualified to help you succeed in your understanding of nonverbal communications. His expertise is recognized and sought worldwide. Besides being interviewed regularly on programs such as NBC’s Today Show, CNN Headline News, Fox Cable News, and ABC’s Good Morning America, he continues to conduct seminars on nonverbal communication for the FBI and the CIA, as well as for other members of the intelligence community. He is a consultant to the banking and insurance industries as well as to major law firms in the United States and abroad. Joe also teaches at Saint Leo University and at various medical schools throughout the United States, where his unique insights into nonverbal communication have found a receptive audience among many, including physicians desiring to assess patients with greater speed and accuracy. Joe’s combination of academic skills and occupational credentials—cou-pled with his masterful analysis of nonverbal communications in real-life, high-stakes situations—has placed him apart and in the forefront of nonverbal expertise, as you will discover in this book. After working with Joe, attending his seminars, and putting his ideas to work in my own life, I firmly believe that the material in these pages represents a major advance in our understanding of all things nonverbal. I say this as a trained psychologist who got involved in this writing project because I was excited by Joe’s pioneering work in harnessing the scientific knowledge of nonverbal communications to achieve professional objectives and personal success. I was also impressed by his reasoned, careful approach to the topic. For example, while observing nonverbals allows us to get an “accurate read” on many kinds of behavior, Joe warns us that using body language to detect deception is a particularly difficult and challenging task. This is a significant insight—rarely recognized by laypeople or by the law enforcement community—and serves as a critical and poignant reminder to be very careful before you declare a person to be honest or dishonest based on his nonverbal behaviors. ix F O R E W O R D Unlike many other books on nonverbal behavior, the information presented herein is based on scientific facts and field-tested findings rather than on personal opinion and armchair speculations. Further, the text highlights what other published works often ignore: the critical role played by the limbic system of the human brain in understanding and using nonverbal cues effectively. The silent language of the body can be yours to master. Whether you are studying nonverbals because you want to get ahead in your job or simply want to get along better with friends and family, this book is designed for you. Gaining proficiency will require a careful examination of the chapters that follow, plus a commitment to spend some serious time and energy learning and applying Joe’s teachings in your daily routines. Reading people successfully—learning, decoding, and utilizing nonverbal behavior to predict human actions—is a task well worth your attention, one that offers ample rewards for the effort expended. So plant your feet firmly on the floor, turn to the next page, and get ready to learn and watch for those all-important nonverbal behaviors that Joe will be teaching you. It won’t be long before you discover, with just a glance, what every body is saying. A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S When I started writing the early drafts of this book, I realized that this project had been long in the making. It did not start with my interest in reading about nonverbal behavior, nor in pursuing it academically, nor in the FBI. Rather, in a real sense, it started with my family many years earlier. I learned to read others primarily from the teachings of my parents, Albert and Mariana Lopez, and my grandmother, Adelina Paniagua Es-pino. Each in his or her own way taught me something different about the significance and power of nonverbal communications. From my mother, I learned that nonverbals are invaluable in dealing with others. A subtle behavior, she taught me, can avert an awkward situation or can make someone completely comfortable—a skill she has performed effortlessly all of her life. From my father, I learned the power of expression; xi A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S with one look he can communicate volumes with exquisite clarity. He is a man who commands respect, just by being. And from my grandmother, to whom I dedicate this book, I learned that small behaviors have great significance: a smile, a head tilt, a gentle touch at the right time can convey so much; it can even heal. These things they taught me every day, and in so doing, prepared me to observe more aptly the world around me. Their teachings as well as those of many others are found in these pages. While I was at Brigham Young University, J. Wesley Sherwood, Richard Townsend, and Dean Clive Winn II taught me much about police work and observing criminals. Later, in the FBI, people such as Doug Gregory, Tom Riley, Julian “Jay” Koerner, Dr. Richard Ault, and David G. Major taught me the subtle nuances of counterintelligence and espionage behavior. To them I am grateful for sharpening my people-watching skills. Similarly, I have to thank Dr. John Schafer, former FBI agent and fellow member of the bureau’s elite Behavioral Analysis Program, who encouraged me to write and allowed me to be his coauthor on multiple occasions. Marc Reeser, who was with me in the trenches catching spies for so long, also deserves my recognition. To my other colleagues, and there were many in the National Security Division of the FBI, I thank you for all your support. Over the years, the FBI ensured we were taught by the best, and so at the hands of professors Joe Kulis, Paul Ekman, Maureen O’Sullivan, Mark Frank, Bella M. DePaulo, Aldert Vrij, Reid Meloy, and Judy Burgoon I learned about the research on nonverbal communications directly or through their writings. I developed a friendship with many of these individuals, including David Givens, who heads the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and whose writings, teachings, and admonitions I have taken to heart. Their research and writings have enriched my life, and I have included their work in this volume as well as that of other giants such as Desmond Morris, Edward Hall, and Charles Darwin, who started it all with his seminal book The expression of the emotions in man and animals. While these people provided the academic framework, others contributed in their own ways to this project, and I must recognize them A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S xii individually. My dear friend Elizabeth Lee Barron, at the University of Tampa, is a godsend when it comes to research. I am also indebted to Dr. Phil Quinn at the University of Tampa and to Professor Barry Glover, at Saint Leo University, for their years of friendship and willingness to ac-commodate my busy travel schedule. This book would not be the same without photographs, and for that I am grateful for the work of renowned photographer Mark Wemple. My gratitude also goes out to Ashlee B. Castle, my administrative assis-tant, who, when asked if she was willing to make faces for a book, merely said, “Sure, why not?” You guys are great. I also want to thank Tampa artist David R. Andrade for his illustrations. Matthew Benjamin, my ever-patient editor at HarperCollins, put this project together and deserves my praise for being a gentleman and a con-summate professional. My praise also goes to Executive Editor Toni Sci-arra, who worked so diligently to finalize this project. Matthew and Toni work with a wonderful team of people at HarperCollins, including copy editor Paula Cooper, to whom I owe many thanks. And as before, I want to thank Dr. Marvin Karlins for once again shaping my ideas into this book and for his kind words in the foreword. My gratitude goes out to my dear friend Dr. Elizabeth A. Murray, a true scientist and educator, who took time out from her busy teaching schedule to edit the early drafts of this manuscript and share her volumi-nous knowledge of the human body. To my family—all of my family, near and far—I thank you for tolerating me and my writing when I should have been relaxing with you. To Luca, muito obrigado. To my daughter, Stephanie, I give thanks every day for your loving soul. All of these individuals have contributed to this book in some way; their knowledge and insight, small and large, is shared with you herein. I wrote this book with the sober knowledge that many of you will use this information in your daily lives. To that end, I have worked assiduously to present both the science and the empirical information with diligence and clarity. If there are any errors in this book, they are my re-sponsibility and mine alone. xiii A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S There is an old Latin saying, “Qui docet, discit” (He who teaches, learns). In many ways, writing is no different; it is a process of learning and discerning, which at the end of the day has been a pleasure. It is my hope that when you come to the end of this book, you too will have gained a profound knowledge of how we communicate nonverbally— and that your life will be enriched, as mine has been, by knowing what every body is saying. Joe Navarro Tampa, Florida August 2007 O N E Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal Communication Whenever I’m teaching people about “body language,” this question is invariably asked. “Joe, what got you interested in studying nonverbal behavior in the first place?” It wasn’t something I had planned to do, nor was it the result of some long-term fascination with the topic. It was much more down-to-earth than that. It was an interest born of necessity, the need to adapt successfully to a totally new way of life. When I was eight years old, I came to America as an exile from Cuba. We left just a few months after the Bay of Pigs invasion, and we honestly thought we would be here only for a short while as refugees. Unable to speak English at first, I did what thousands of other immigrants coming to this country have done. I quickly learned that to fit in with my new classmates at school, I needed to be aware of—and sensitive to—the “other” language around me, the language of nonverbal 2 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G behavior. I found that was a language I could translate and understand immediately. In my young mind, I saw the human body as a kind of billboard that transmitted (advertised) what a person was thinking via gestures, facial expressions, and physical movements that I could read. Over time, obviously, I learned English—and even lost some skill with the Spanish language—but the nonverbals, I never forgot. I discovered at an early age that I could always rely on nonverbal communications. I learned to use body language to decipher what my classmates and teachers were trying to communicate to me and how they felt about me. One of the first things I noticed was that students or teachers who genuinely liked me would raise (or arch) their eyebrows when they first saw me walk into the room. On the other hand, those individuals who weren’t too friendly toward me would squint their eyes slightly when I appeared—a behavior that once observed is never forgotten. I used this nonverbal information, as so many other immigrants have, quickly to evaluate and develop friendships, to communicate despite the obvious language barrier, to avoid enemies, and in nurturing healthy relationships. Many years later I would use these same nonverbal eye behaviors to solve crimes as a special agent at the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) (see box 1). Based on my background, education, and training, I want to teach you to see the world as an FBI expert on nonverbal communication views it: as a vivid, dynamic environment where every human interaction resonates with information, and as an opportunity to use the silent language of the body to enrich your knowledge of what people are thinking, feeling, and intending to do. Using this knowledge will help you stand out among others. It will also protect you and give you previously hidden insight into human behavior. W H AT E X A C T LY I S N O N V E R B A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N ? Nonverbal communication, often referred to as nonverbal behavior or body language, is a means of transmitting information—just like the spoken word—except it is achieved through facial expressions, gestures, MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 3 BOX 1: IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE “Eye-blocking” is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened and/or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates, described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions that have evolved to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable images and to communicate our disdain toward others. As an investigator, I used eye-blocking behaviors to assist in the arson investigation of a tragic hotel fire in Puerto Rico that claimed ninety-seven lives. A security guard came under immediate suspicion because the blaze broke out in an area where he was assigned. One of the ways we determined he had nothing to do with starting the fire was by asking him some very specific questions as to where he was before the fire, at the time of the fire, and whether or not he set the fire. After each question I observed his face for any telltale signs of eye-block behavior. His eyes blocked only when questioned about where he was when the fire started. Oddly, in contrast, he did not seem troubled by the question, “Did you set the fire?” This told me the real issue was his location at the time of the fire, not his possible involvement in setting the fire. He was questioned further on this topic by the lead investigators and eventually admitted to leaving his post to visit his girlfriend, who also worked at the hotel. Unfortunately, while he was gone, the arsonists entered the area he should have been guarding and started the fire. In this case, the guard’s eye-blocking behavior gave us the insight we needed to pursue a line of questioning that eventually broke the case open. In the end, three arsonists responsible for the tragic blaze were arrested and convicted of the crime. The security guard, while woefully negligent and burdened with tremendous guilt, was not, however, the culprit. 4 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G touching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment (clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre, and volume of an individual’s voice (rather than spoken content). Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100 percent of communication between partners (Burgoon, 1994, 229–285). Nonverbal communication can also reveal a person’s true thoughts, feelings, and intentions. For this reason, nonverbal behaviors are sometimes referred to as tells (they tell us about the person’s true state of mind). Because people are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language is often more honest than an individual’s verbal pronouncements, which are consciously crafted to accomplish the speaker’s objectives (see box 2). BOX 2: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS A memorable example of how body language can sometimes be more truthful than verbal language involved the rape of a young woman on the Parker Indian Reservation in Arizona. A suspect in the case was brought in for questioning. His words sounded convincing and his story was plausible. He claimed he hadn’t seen the victim and while out in a field had gone down a row of cotton, turned left, and then walked straight to his house. While my colleagues jotted down notes about what they were hearing, I kept my eyes on the suspect and saw that as he told the story about turning left and going home, his hand gestured to his right, which was exactly the direction that led to the rape scene. If I hadn’t been watching him, I wouldn’t have caught the discrepancy between his verbal (“I went left”) and nonverbal (hand gesturing to the right) behavior. But once I saw it I suspected he was lying. I waited a while and then confronted him again, and in the end he confessed to the crime. MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 5 Whenever your observation of another person’s nonverbal behavior helps you understand that person’s feelings, intentions, or actions—or clarifies his or her spoken words—then you have successfully decoded and used this silent medium. U S I N G N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R T O E N H A N C E Y O U R L I F E It has been well established by researchers that those who can effectively read and interpret nonverbal communication, and manage how others perceive them, will enjoy greater success in life than individuals who lack this skill (Goleman, 1995, 13–92). It is the goal of this book to teach you how to observe the world around you and to determine the meaning of nonverbals in any setting. This powerful knowledge will enhance your personal interactions and enrich your life, as it has mine. One of the fascinating things about an appreciation for nonverbal behavior is its universal applicability. It works everywhere humans interact. Nonverbals are ubiquitous and reliable. Once you know what a specific nonverbal behavior means, you can use that information in any number of different circumstances and in all types of environments. In fact, it is difficult to interact effectively without nonverbals. If you ever wondered why people still fly to meetings in the age of computers, text messages, e-mails, telephones, and video conferencing, it is because of the need to express and observe nonverbal communications in person. Nothing beats seeing the nonverbals up close and personal. Why? Because nonverbals are powerful and they have meaning. Whatever you learn from this book, you will be able to apply to any situation, in any setting. Case in point (see box 3 on next page): 6 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 3: GIVING A DOCTOR THE UPPER HAND Several months ago I presented a seminar to a group of poker players on how to use nonverbal behavior to read their opponents’ hands and win more money at the tables. Because poker is a game that emphasizes bluffing and deception, players have a keen interest in being able to read the tells of their opponents. For them, decoding nonverbal communications is critical to success. While many were grateful for the insights I provided, what startled me was how many seminar participants were able to see the value of understanding and utilizing nonverbal behavior beyond the poker table. Two weeks after the session ended I received an e-mail from one of the participants, a physician from Texas. “What I find most amazing,” he wrote me, “is that what I learned in your seminar has also helped me in my practice. The nonverbals you taught us in order to read poker players have helped me read my patients, too. Now I can sense when they are uncomfortable, confident, or not being entirely truthful.” The doctor’s note speaks to the universality of nonverbals and their value in all facets of life. M A S T E R I N G N O N V E R B A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N S R E Q U I R E S A PA R T N E R S H I P I am convinced that any person possessing normal intelligence can learn to use nonverbal communication to better themselves. I know this because for the past two decades I have taught thousands of people, just like you, how to successfully decode nonverbal behavior and use that information to enrich their lives, the lives of their loved ones, and to achieve their personal and professional goals. Accomplishing this, however, requires that you and I establish a working partnership, each contributing something of significance to our mutual effort. MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 7 Following the Ten Commandments for Observing and Decoding Nonverbal Communications Successfully Reading people successfully—collecting nonverbal intelligence to assess their thoughts, feelings, and intentions—is a skill that requires constant practice and proper training. To help you on the training side, I want to provide you with some important guidelines—or commandments—to maximize your effectiveness in reading nonverbals. As you incorporate these commandments into your everyday life and make them part of your routine, they soon will become second nature to you, needing little, if any, conscious thought. It’s a lot like learning to drive. Do you remember the first time you gave that a go? If you were like me, you were so concerned with operating the vehicle that it was difficult to track what you were doing inside the car and concentrate on what was happening on the road outside at the same time. It was only when you felt comfortable behind the wheel that you were able to expand your focus to encompass the total driving environment. That’s the way it is with nonverbal behavior. Once you master the mechanics of using nonverbal communication effectively, it will become automatic and you can focus your full attention on decoding the world around you. Commandment 1: Be a competent observer of your environment. This is the most basic requirement for anyone wishing to decode and use nonverbal communications. Imagine the foolishness of trying to listen to someone with plugs in our ears. We couldn’t hear the message and whatever was said would be lost on us. Thus, most intent listeners don’t go around wearing ear-plugs! Yet, when it comes to seeing the silent language of nonverbal behavior, many viewers might as well be wearing blindfolds, as oblivious as they are to the body signals around them. Consider this. Just as careful listening is critical to understanding our verbal pronouncements, so careful observation is vital to comprehending our body language. Whoa! Don’t just breeze past that sentence and continue 8 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G reading. What it states is critical. Concerted (effortful) observation—is absolutely essential to reading people and detecting their nonverbal tells successfully. The problem is that most people spend their lives looking but not truly seeing, or, as Sherlock Holmes, the meticulous English detective, declared to his partner, Dr. Watson, “You see, but you do not observe.” Sadly, the majority of individuals view their surroundings with a minimal amount of observational effort. Such people are oblivious to subtle changes in their world. They are unaware of the rich tapestry of details that surrounds them, such as the subtle movement of a person’s hand or foot that might betray his thoughts or intentions. In fact, various scientific studies have demonstrated people to be poor observers of their world. For example, when a man dressed in a gorilla suit walked in front of a group of students while other activities were taking place, half the students didn’t even notice the gorilla in their midst (Simons & Chabris, 1999, 1059–1074)! Observation-impoverished individuals lack what airline pilots refer to as “situational awareness,” which is a sense of where one is at all times; they don’t have a solid mental picture of exactly what is going on around them or even in front of them. Ask them to go into a strange room filled with people, give them a chance to look around, and then tell them to close their eyes and report what they saw. You would be astounded by their inability to recall even the most obvious features in the room. I find it disheartening how often we run into somebody or read about someone who always seems to be blindsided by life’s events. The com-plaints of these individuals are nearly always the same: “My wife just filed for divorce. I never had a clue she was unhappy with our marriage.” “The guidance counselor tells me my son has been using cocaine for three years. I had no idea he had a drug problem.” MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 9 “I was arguing with this guy and out of nowhere he sucker punched me. I never saw it coming.” “I thought the boss was pretty happy with my job performance. I had no idea I was going to be fired.” These are the kinds of statements made by men and women who have never learned how to observe the world around them effectively. Such in-adequacies are not surprising, really. After all, as we grow from children to adults, we’re never instructed on how to observe the nonverbal clues of others. There are no classes in elementary school, high school, or college that teach people situational awareness. If you’re lucky, you teach yourself to be more observant. If you don’t, you miss out on an incredible amount of useful information that could help you avoid problems and make your life more fulfilling, be it when dating, at work, or with family. Fortunately, observation is a skill that can be learned. We don’t have to go through life being blindsided. Furthermore, because it is a skill, we can get better at it with the right kind of training and practice. If you are observationally “challenged,” do not despair. You can overcome your weakness in this area if you are willing to devote time and effort to observing your world more conscientiously. What you need to do is make observation—concerted observation—a way of life. Becoming aware of the world around you is not a passive act. It is a conscious, deliberate behavior—something that takes effort, energy, and concentration to achieve, and constant practice to maintain. Observation is like a muscle. It grows stronger with use and atrophies without use. Exercise your observation muscle and you will become a more powerful decoder of the world around you. By the way, when I speak of concerted observation, I am asking you to utilize all your senses, not just your sense of sight. Whenever I walk into my apartment, I take a deep breath. If things don’t smell “normal” I become concerned. One time I detected the slight odor of lingering cigarette smoke when I returned home from a trip. My nose alerted me to possible danger well before my eyes could scan my apartment. It turned 10 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G out that the apartment maintenance man had been by to fix a leaky pipe, and the smoke on his clothes and skin were still lingering in the air several hours later. Fortunately, he was a welcome intruder, but there could just as easily have been a burglar lurking in the next room. The point is, by using all my senses, I was better able to assess my environment and contribute to my own safety and well-being. Commandment 2: Observing in context is key to understanding nonverbal behavior. When trying to understand nonverbal behavior in real-life situations, the more you understand the context in which it takes place, the better you will be at understanding what it means. For example, after a traffic accident, I expect people to be in shock and to walk around looking dazed. I expect their hands to shake and even for them to make poor decisions like walking into oncoming traffic. (This is why officers ask you to stay in your car.) Why? After an accident, people are suffering the effects of a complete hijacking of the “thinking” brain by a region of the brain known as the limbic system. The result of this hijacking includes behaviors such as trembling, disorientation, nervousness, and discomfort. In context, these actions are to be expected and confirm the stress from the accident. During a job interview, I expect applicants to be nervous initially and for that nervousness to dissipate. If it shows up again when I ask specific questions, then I have to wonder why these nervous behaviors have suddenly presented again. Commandment 3: Learn to recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that are universal. Some body behaviors are considered universal because they are exhibited similarly by most people. For instance, when people press their lips together in a manner that seems to make them disappear, it is a clear and common sign that they are troubled and something is wrong. This nonverbal behavior, known as lip compression, is one of the universal tells that I will be describing in the chapters to follow (see box 4). The more of these universal nonverbals you can recognize and accurately interpret, the more effective you will be in assessing the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of those around you. MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 11 BOX 4: A PURSING OF LIPS LEADS TO SAVINGS ON SHIPS Universal tells of the lips were very helpful to me during a consulting assignment with a British shipping company. My British client had asked me to sit through their contract negotiations with a huge multinational corporation that would be outfitting their vessels. I agreed and suggested that the proposed contract be presented point by point, with agreement being reached on each item before moving forward. That way I could more closely watch the corporate negotiator for any nonverbals that might reveal information helpful to my client. “I’ll pass you a note if I spot something that needs your attention,” I told my client and then settled back to watch the parties review the contract clause by clause. I didn’t have long to wait before I saw an important tell. When a clause detailing the outfitting of a specific part of the vessel was read—a construction phase involving millions of dollars—the chief negotiator from the multinational corporation pursed his lips, a clear indication that something in this part of the contract was not to his liking. I passed a note to my client, warning him that this particular clause in the contract was contentious or problematic and should be revisited and discussed thoroughly while we were all still together. By confronting the issue then and there—and focusing on the details of the clause in question—the two negotiators were able to hammer out an agreement face-to-face, which ended up saving my client 13.5 million dollars. The negotiator’s nonverbal signal of displeasure was the key evidence needed to spot a specific problem and deal with it immediately and effectively. 12 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G Commandment 4: Learn to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors. Universal nonverbal behaviors constitute one group of body cues: those that are relatively the same for everyone. There is a second type of body cue called an idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, which is a signal that is relatively unique to a particular individual. In attempting to identify idiosyncratic signals, you’ll want to be on the lookout for behavioral patterns in people you interact with on a regular basis (friends, family, coworkers, persons who provide goods or services to you on a consistent basis). The better you know an individual, or the longer you interact with him or her, the easier it will be to discover this information because you will have a larger database upon which to make your judgments. For example, if you note your teenager scratches his head and bites his lip when he is about to take a test, this may be a reliable idiosyncratic tell that speaks of his nervousness or lack of preparation. No doubt this has become part of his repertoire for dealing with stress, and you will see it again and again because “the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” Commandment 5: When you interact with others, try to establish their baseline behaviors. In order to get a handle on the baseline behaviors of the people with whom you regularly interact, you need to note how they look normally, how they typically sit, where they place their hands, the usual position of their feet, their posture and common facial expressions, the tilt of their heads, and even where they generally place or hold their possessions, such as a purse (see figures 1 and 2). You need to be able to differentiate between their “normal” face and their “stressed” face. Not getting a baseline puts you in the same position as parents who never look down their child’s throat until the youngster gets sick. They call the doctor and try to describe what they see inside, but they have no means of making a comparison because they never looked at the child’s throat when he or she was healthy. By examining what’s normal, we begin to recognize and identify what’s abnormal. Even in a single encounter with someone, you should attempt to note MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 13 Fig. 1 Fig. 2 Note features of face when not stressed. A stressed face is tense and slightly Eyes are relaxed and the lips should be contorted, eyebrows are knitted, and the full. forehead is furrowed. his or her “starting position” at the beginning of your interaction. Establishing a person’s baseline behavior is critical because it allows you to determine when he or she deviates from it, which can be very important and informative (see box 5). Commandment 6: Always try to watch people for multiple tells—behaviors that occur in clusters or in succession. Your accuracy in reading people will be enhanced when you observe multiple tells, or clusters of behavior body signals on which to rely. These signals work together like the parts of a jigsaw puzzle. The more pieces of the puzzle you possess, the better your chances of putting them all together and seeing the picture they portray. To illustrate, if I see a business com-petitor display a pattern of stress behaviors, followed closely by pacifying behaviors, I can be more confident that she is bargaining from a position of weakness. Commandment 7: It’s important to look for changes in a person’s behavior that can signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest, or intent. Sudden changes in behavior can help reveal how a person is 14 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 5: IT’S A RELATIVE MATTER Imagine for a moment that you’re the parent of an eight-year-old boy who is waiting in line to greet relatives at a large family reunion. As this is a yearly ritual, you have stood with your son on numerous occasions while he waited his turn to say hello to everyone. He has never hesitated to run up and give family members a big hug. However, on this occasion, when it comes time to embrace his Uncle Harry, he stands stiff and frozen in place. “What’s the matter?” you whisper to him, pushing him toward his waiting uncle. Your son doesn’t say anything, but he is very reluctant to respond to your physical signal. What should you do? The important thing to note here is that your son’s behavior is a deviation from his baseline behavior. In the past, he has never hesitated to greet his uncle with a hug. Why the change in behavior? His “freeze” response suggests he feels threatened or something negative. Perhaps there is no justified reason for his fear, but to the observant and sensibly cautious parent, a warning signal should go off. Your son’s deviation from his previous behavior suggests that something negative might have occurred between him and his uncle since their last meeting. Perhaps it was a simple disagreement, the awkwardness of youth, or a reaction to the uncle’s preferential treatment of others. Then again, this behavior might indicate something much more sinister. The point is that a change in a person’s baseline behavior suggests that something might be amiss and, in this particular case, probably warrants further attention. MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 15 processing information or adapting to emotional events. A child who is exhibiting giddiness and delight at the prospect of entering a theme park will change his behavior immediately upon learning the park is closed. Adults are no different. When we get bad news over the phone or see something that can hurt us, our bodies reflect that change immediately. Changes in a person’s behavior can also reveal his or her interest or intentions in certain circumstances. Careful observation of such changes can allow you to predict things before they happen, clearly giving you an advantage—particularly if the impending action could cause harm to you or others (see box 6). Commandment 8: Learning to detect false or misleading nonverbal signals is also critical. The ability to differentiate between authentic and misleading cues takes practice and experience. It requires not only concerted observation, but also some careful judgment. In the chapters to come, I will teach you the subtle differences in a person’s actions that reveal whether a behavior is honest or dishonest, increasing your chances of getting an accurate read on the person with whom you are dealing. Commandment 9: Knowing how to distinguish between comfort and discomfort will help you to focus on the most important behaviors for decoding nonverbal communications. Having studied nonverbal behavior most of my adult life, I have come to realize that there are two principal things we should look for and focus on: comfort and discomfort. This is fundamental to how I teach nonverbal communications. Learning to read comfort and discomfort cues (behaviors) in others accurately will help you to decipher what their bodies and minds are truly saying. If in doubt as to what a behavior means, ask yourself if this looks like a comfort behavior (e.g., contentment, happiness, relaxation) or if it looks like a discomfort behavior (e.g., displeasure, unhappiness, stress, anxiety, tension). Most of the time you will be able to place observed behaviors in one of these two domains (comfort vs. discomfort). 16 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 6: A NOSE FOR TROUBLE Among the most important nonverbal clues to a person’s thoughts are changes in body language that constitute intention cues. These are behaviors that reveal what a person is about to do and provide the competent observer with extra time to prepare for the anticipated action before it takes place. One personal example of how critical it is to watch for changes in people’s behavior—particularly when the changes involve intention cues— involves an attempted robbery of a store where I worked. In this particular situation, I noticed a man standing near the cash register at the checkout counter, a behavior that caught my attention because he seemed to have no reason to be there; he wasn’t waiting in line and he hadn’t purchased any items. Moreover, the entire time he stood there, his eyes were fixed on the cash register. If he had just remained quietly where he was, I eventually would have lost interest in him and focused my attention elsewhere. However, while I was still observing him, his behavior changed. Specifically, his nostrils starting flaring (nasal wing dilation), which was a giveaway that he was oxygenat-ing in advance of taking some action. I guessed what that action was going to be about a second before it occurred. And a second was all I had to sound a warning. I yelled to the cashier, “Watch out!” as three things happened at once: (a) the clerk finished ringing up a sale, causing the cash drawer to open; (b) the man near the register lunged forward, plunging his hand into the drawer to grab some cash; and (c) alerted by my shouted warning, the cashier grabbed the man’s hand and twisted it, causing the would-be robber to drop the money and run out of the store. Had I not spotted his intention cue, I am sure the thief would have succeeded in his efforts. Incidentally, the cashier was my father, who was running a small hardware store in Miami back in 1974. I was his summer hire. MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 17 Commandment 10: When observing others, be subtle about it. Using nonverbal behavior requires you to observe people carefully and decode their nonverbal behaviors accurately. However, one thing you don’t want to do when observing others is to make your intentions obvious. Many individuals tend to stare at people when they first try to spot nonverbal cues. Such intrusive observation is not advisable. Your ideal goal is to observe others without their knowing it, in other words, unobtrusively. Work at perfecting your observational skills, and you will reach a point where your efforts will be both successful and subtle. It’s all a matter of practice and persistence. You have now been introduced to your part of our partnership, the ten commandments you need to follow to decode nonverbal communication successfully. The question now becomes “What nonverbal behaviors should I be looking for, and what important information do they reveal?” This is where I come in. Identifying Important Nonverbal Behaviors and Their Meanings Consider this. The human body is capable of giving off literally thousands of nonverbal “signals” or messages. Which ones are most important and how do you decode them? The problem is that it could take a lifetime of painstaking observation, evaluation, and validation to identify and interpret important nonverbal communications accurately. Fortunately, with the help of some very gifted researchers and my practical experience as an FBI expert on nonverbal behavior, we can take a more direct approach to get you on your way. I have already identified those nonverbal behaviors that are most important, so you can put this unique knowledge to immediate use. We have also developed a paradigm or model that makes reading nonverbals easier. Even if you forget exactly what a specific body signal means, you will still be able to decipher it. As you read through these pages, you will learn certain information about nonverbal behavior that has never been revealed in any other text 18 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G on body language (including examples of nonverbal behavioral clues used to solve actual FBI cases). Some of the material will surprise you. For example, if you had to choose the most “honest” part of a person’s body—the part that would most likely reveal an individual’s true feeling or intentions—which part would you select? Take a guess. Once I reveal the answer, you’ll know a prime place to look when attempting to decide what a business associate, family member, date, or total stranger is thinking, feeling, or intending. I will also explain the physiological basis for nonverbal behavior, the role the brain plays in nonverbal behavior. I will also reveal the truth about detecting deception as no counterintelligence agent has done before. I firmly believe that understanding the biological basis for body language will help you appreciate how nonverbal behavior works and why it is such a potent predictor of human thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Therefore, I start the next chapter with a look at that magnificent organ, the human brain, and show how it governs every facet of our body language. Before I do so, however, I will share an observation concerning the validity of using body language to understand and assess human behavior. F O R W H O M T H E T E L L S T O L L On a fateful date in 1963, in Cleveland, Ohio, thirty-nine-year veteran Detective Martin McFadden watched two men walk back and forth in front of a store window. They took turns peeking into the shop and then walking away. After multiple passes, the two men huddled at the end of the street looking over their shoulders as they spoke to a third person. Concerned that the men were “casing” the business and intending to rob the store, the detective moved in, patted down one of the men, and found a concealed handgun. Detective McFadden arrested the three men, thus thwarting a robbery and averting potential loss of life. Officer McFadden’s detailed observations became the basis for a land-mark U.S. Supreme Court decision ( Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 19 known to every police officer in the United States. Since 1968, this ruling has allowed police officers to stop and frisk individuals without a warrant when their behaviors telegraph their intention to commit a crime. With this decision, the Supreme Court acknowledged that nonverbal behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed and decoded properly. Terry v. Ohio provided a clear demonstration of the relationship between our thoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors. Most important, this decision provided legal recognition that such a relationship exists and is valid (Navarro & Schafer, 2003, 22–24). So the next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does not have meaning or is not reliable, remember this case, as it says otherwise and has stood the test of time. T W O Living Our Limbic Legacy Take a moment and bite your lip. Really, take a second and actually do it. Now, rub your forehead. Finally, stroke the back of your neck. These are things we do all the time. Spend some time around other people and you’ll see them engaging in these behaviors on a regular basis. Do you ever wonder why they do it? Do you ever wonder why you do it? The answer can be found hidden away in a vault—the cranial vault— where the human brain resides. Once we learn why and how our brain recruits our body to express its emotions nonverbally, we’ll also discover how to interpret these behaviors. So, let’s take a closer look inside that vault and examine the most amazing three pounds of matter found in the human body. Most people think of themselves as having one brain and recognize that brain as the seat of their cognitive abilities. In reality, there are three 22 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G “brains” inside the human skull, each performing specialized functions that work together as the “command-and-control center” that regulates everything our body does. Back in 1952, a pioneering scientist named Paul MacLean began to speak of the human brain as a triune brain consisting of a “reptilian (stem) brain,” “mammalian (limbic) brain,” and “human (neocortex) brain” (see diagram of the limbic brain). In this book, we will be concentrating on the limbic system of the brain (the part MacLean called the mammalian brain), because it plays the largest role in the expression of our nonverbal behavior. However, we will use our neocortex (our human brain or thinking brain) to analyze critically the limbic reactions of those around us in order to decode what other people are thinking, feeling, or intending (LeDoux, 1996, 184–189; Goleman, 1995, 10–21). It is critical to understand that the brain controls all behaviors, whether conscious or subconscious. This premise is the cornerstone of understanding all nonverbal communications. From simply scratching your head to composing a symphony, there is nothing you do (except for some involuntary muscle reflexes) that is not governed or directed by the brain. By this Fig. 3 Corpus C Corpus allosum llosum Neocor Neocorte tex Thalamus Hypothalamus Hippocampus Amy Am g y dala Cerebellum Re Reptilian B ilian Bra r in ain Diagram of the limbic brain with major features such as the amygdala and the hippocampus. LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 23 logic, we can use these behaviors to interpret what the brain is choosing to communicate externally. T H E V E RY E L E G A N T L I M B I C B R A I N In our study of nonverbal communications, the limbic brain is where the action is. Why? Because it is the part of the brain that reacts to the world around us reflexively and instantaneously, in real time, and without thought. For that reason, it gives off a true response to information coming in from the environment (Myers, 1993, 35–39). Because it is uniquely responsible for our survival, the limbic brain does not take breaks. It is always “on.” The limbic brain is also our emotional center. It is from there that signals go out to various other parts of the brain, which in turn orchestrate our behaviors as they relate to emotions or our survival (LeDoux, 1996, 104–137). These behaviors can be observed and decoded as they manifest physically in our feet, torso, arms, hands, and faces. Since these reactions occur without thought, unlike words, they are genuine. Thus, the limbic brain is considered the “honest brain” when we think of nonverbals (Goleman, 1995, 13–29). These limbic survival responses go back not only to our own infancy, but also to our ancestry as a human species. They are hardwired into our nervous system, making them difficult to disguise or eliminate—like trying to suppress a startle response even when we anticipate a loud noise. Therefore, it is axiomatic that limbic behaviors are honest and reliable behaviors; they are true manifestations of our thoughts, feelings, and intentions (see box 7). The third part of our brain is a relatively recent addition to the cranial vault. Thus it is called the neocortex, meaning new brain. This part of our brain is also known as the “human,” “thinking,” or “intellectual” brain, because it is responsible for higher-order cognition and memory. This is the part of the brain that distinguishes us from other mammals due to the large amount of its mass (cortex) used for thinking. This is the brain that got us to the moon. With its ability to compute, analyze, 24 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 7: HEAD-ING OFF A BOMBER Since the limbic part of our brain cannot be cognitively regulated, the behaviors it generates should be given greater importance when interpreting nonverbal communications. You can use your thoughts to try to disguise your true emotions all you want, but the limbic system will self-regulate and give off clues. Observing these alarm reactions and knowing that they are honest and significant is extremely important; it can even save lives. An example of this occurred in December of 1999, when an alert U.S. customs officer thwarted a terrorist who came to be known as the “millennial bomber.” Noting the nervousness and excessive sweating of Ahmed Reesam as he entered the United States from Canada, Officer Diana Dean asked him to step out of his car for further questioning. At that point Reesam attempted to flee but was soon captured. In his car, officers found explosives and timing devices. Reesam was eventually convicted of plotting to bomb the Los Angeles Airport. The nervousness and sweating that Officer Dean observed were regulated in the brain as a response to immense stress. Because these limbic behaviors are genuine, Officer Dean could be confident in pursuing Reesam, with the knowledge that her observations had detected body language that justified further investigation. The Reesam affair illustrates how one’s psychological state manifests nonverbally in the body. In this case, the limbic system of a would-be bomber—who was obviously extremely frightened by the possibility of being detected—gave away his nervousness, despite all conscious attempts he made to hide his underly-ing emotions. We owe Officer Dean our gratitude for being an astute observer of nonverbal behavior and foiling a terrorist act. LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 25 interpret, and intuit at a level unique to the human species, it is our critical and creative brain. It is also, however, the part of the brain that is least honest; therefore, it is our “lying brain.” Because it is capable of complex thought, this brain—unlike its limbic counterpart—is the least reliable of the three major brain components. This is the brain that can deceive, and it deceives often (Vrij, 2003, 1–17). Returning to our earlier example, while the limbic system may compel the millennial bomber to sweat profusely while being questioned by the customs officer, the neocortex is quite capable of allowing him to lie about his true sentiments. The thinking part of the brain, which is the part that governs our speech (specifically, Broca’s area), could cause the bomber to say, “I have no explosives in the car,” should the officer inquire as to what is in his automobile, even if that claim is an utter falsehood. The neocortex can easily permit us to tell a friend that we like her new haircut when we, in fact, do not, or it can facilitate the very convincing statement, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” Because the neocortex (the thinking brain) is capable of dishonesty, it is not a good source of reliable or accurate information (Ost, 2006, 259– 291). In summary, when it comes to revealing honest nonverbal behaviors that help us read people, the limbic system is the holy grail of body language. Thus, this is the area of the brain where we want to focus our attention. O U R L I M B I C R E S P O N S E S — T H E T H R E E F ’ S O F N O N V E R B A L S One of the classic ways the limbic brain has assured our survival as a species—and produced a reliable number of nonverbal tells in the process—is by regulating our behavior when confronting danger, whether it be a prehistoric man facing a Stone Age beast or a modern-day employee facing a stone-hearted boss. Over the millennia, we have retained the competent, life-saving visceral reactions of our animal heritage. In order to ensure our survival, the brain’s very elegant response to distress or 26 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G threats, has taken three forms: freeze, flight, and fight. Like other animal species whose limbic brains protected them in this manner, humans possessing these limbic reactions survived to propagate because these behaviors were already hardwired into our nervous system. I am sure that many of you are familiar with the phrase “fight-or-flight response,” which is common terminology used to describe the way in which we respond to threatening or dangerous situations. Unfortunately, this phrase is only two-thirds accurate and half-assed backward! In reality, the way animals, including humans, react to danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight, fight. If the reaction really were fight or flight, most of us would be bruised, battered, and exhausted much of the time. Because we have retained and honed this exquisitely successful process for dealing with stress and danger—and because the resulting reactions generate nonverbal behaviors that help us understand a person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions—it is well worth our time to examine each response in greater detail. The Freeze Response A million years ago, as early hominids traversed the African savanna, they were faced with many predators that could outrun and overpower them. For early man to succeed, the limbic brain, which had evolved from our animal forebearers, developed strategies to compensate for the power advantage our predators had over us. That strategy, or first defense of the limbic system, was to use the freeze response in the presence of a predator or other danger. Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still upon sensing a threat, the limbic brain caused us to react in the most effective manner possible to ensure our survival. Most animals, certainly most predators, react to—and are attracted by— movement. This ability to freeze in the face of danger makes sense. Many carnivores go after moving targets and exercise the “chase, trip, and bite” mechanism exhibited by large felines, the primary predators of our ancestors. Many animals not only freeze their motion when confronted by preda-LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 27 tors, but some even play dead, which is the ultimate freeze reaction. This is a strategy that opossums use, but they are not the only animals to do so. In fact, accounts of the school shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech demonstrate that students used the freeze response to deal with deadly predators. By holding still and playing dead, many students survived even though they were only a few feet away from the killer. Instinctively, the students adopted ancient behaviors that work very effectively. Freezing your movement can often make you nearly invisible to others, a phenomenon every soldier and SWAT team operator learns. Thus, the freeze response has been passed from primitive man to modern man and remains with us today as our first line of defense against a perceived threat or danger. In fact, you can still see this ancient limbic reaction to large felines in the theaters of Las Vegas where big cats are part of the show. As the tiger or lion walks onto the stage, you can be sure that the people in the first row will not be making any unnecessary arm or hand gestures. They will be frozen in their seats. These people were not issued memos to remain still; they did so because the limbic brain has prepared the human species to behave that way in the face of danger for over five million years. In our modern society, the freeze response is employed more subtly in everyday life. You can observe it when people are caught bluffing or stealing, or sometimes when they are lying. When people feel threatened or exposed, they react just like our ancestors did a million years earlier; they freeze. Not only have we, as humans, learned to freeze in the face of observed or perceived danger, but others around us have learned to copy our behavior and freeze their behavior also, even without seeing the threat. This mimicry or isopraxism (same movement) evolved because it was critical to communal survival, as well as social harmony, within the human species (see box 8 on next page). This freezing action is sometimes termed the “deer-in-the-headlights” effect. When suddenly caught in a potentially dangerous circumstance, we immediately freeze before taking action. In our day-to-day life, this freeze response manifests innocently, such as when a person walking down the street stops suddenly, perhaps hitting himself on the forehead 28 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 8: THE NIGHT THE HANDS STOPPED MOVING I was at my mother’s house a few weeks ago watching television and eating ice cream with members of the family. It was late at night and someone rang the doorbell (something that is very unusual in her neighborhood). Suddenly, in the midst of eating, everyone’s hands froze—adults and children alike—as if choreographed. It was amazing to see how we all reacted with “hands flash frozen” at precisely the same moment. It turned out that the visitor was my sister who had forgotten her keys. But of course we didn’t know it was her ringing the bell. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communal response to perceived danger, and of the first limbic reaction, which is to freeze. Soldiers in combat react the same way. When the “point man” freezes, everyone freezes; nothing needs to be said. with the palm of his hand, before turning around and heading back to his apartment to turn off the stove. That momentary stop is enough for the brain to do some quick assessing, whether the threat comes in the form of a predator or of a thought remembered. Either way, the psyche must deal with a potentially dangerous situation (Navarro, 2007, 141– 163). We not only freeze when confronted by physical and visual threats, but as in the example of the late-night doorbell, threats from things we hear (aural threats) can also alert the limbic system. For instance, when being chastised, most people hold very still. The same behavior is observed when an individual is being questioned about matters that he or she perceives could get them into trouble. The person will freeze in his chair as if in an “ejector seat” (Gregory, 1999). A similar manifestation of the limbic freeze occurs during interviews when people hold their breath or their breathing becomes very shallow. Again, this is a very ancient response to a threat. It is not noticed by the interviewee and yet it is quite observable to anyone watching for it. I have LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 29 often had to tell an interviewee to relax and take a deep breath during the middle of an interview or deposition, as he was unaware of just how shallow his breathing had become. Consistent with the need to freeze when confronted by a threat, people being questioned about a crime will often fix their feet in a position of security (interlocked behind the chair legs) and hold that position for an inordinate period of time. When I see this type of behavior, it tells me something is wrong; this is a limbic response that needs to be further explored. The person may or may not be lying, since deceit cannot be directly discerned. But I can be assured from their nonverbal behavior that something is stressing them; therefore I will pursue the source of their discomfort through my questioning or interaction. Another way the limbic brain uses a modification of the freeze response is to attempt to protect us by diminishing our exposure. During surveillance of shoplifters, one of the things that stands out is how often thieves will try to hide their physical presence by restricting their motions or hunching over as if trying to be invisible. Ironically, this makes them stand out even further, since it is such a deviation from normal shopping behavior. Most people walk around a store with their arms quite active and their posture upright rather than stooped. Psychologically, the shoplifters—or, your son and daughter as they try to surrep-titiously swipe a cookie from the pantry—are trying to master their environment by attempting to “hide” in the open. Another way people try to hide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. This is done by raising the shoulders and lowering the head—the “turtle effect.” Picture a losing football team walking off the field after the game and you get the idea (see figure 4). Interestingly and sadly, abused children often manifest these freezing limbic behaviors. In the presence of an abusive parent or adult, their arms will go dormant at their sides and they avoid eye contact as though that helps them not to be seen. In a way, they are hiding in the open, which is a tool of survival for these helpless kids. 30 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G Fig. 4 The “turtle effect” (shoulders rise toward the ears) is often seen when people are humbled or suddenly lose confidence. The Flight Response One purpose of the freeze response is to avoid detection by dangerous predators or in dangerous situations. A second purpose is to give the threatened individual the opportunity to assess the situation and determine the best course of action to take. When the freeze response is not adequate to eliminate the danger or is not the best course of action (e.g., the threat is too close), the second limbic response is to get away by use of the flight response. Obviously, the goal of this choice is to escape the threat or, at a minimum, to distance oneself from danger. Running, of course, is useful when it is practical, and as a survival mechanism our brain di-LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 31 rected our body to adopt this tactic judiciously over millennia in order to escape from danger. In our modern world, however, where we live in cities and not in the wild, it is difficult to run from threats; therefore we have adapted the flight response to meet our modern needs. The behaviors are not as obvious, but they serve the same purpose—to either block or distance ourselves from the physical presence of undesirable individuals or things. If you think back on the social interactions you’ve had in your life, you’ll probably be able to recall some of the “evasive” actions you took to distance yourself from the unwanted attention of others. Just as a child turns away from undesirable food at the dinner table and shifts her feet toward the exit, an individual may turn away from someone she doesn’t like, or to avoid conversations that threaten her. Blocking behaviors may manifest in the form of closing the eyes, rubbing the eyes, or placing the hands in front of the face. The person may also distance herself from someone by leaning away, placing objects (a purse) on her lap, or turning her feet toward the nearest exit. All of these behaviors are controlled by the limbic brain and indicate that someone wants distance from one or more undesirable persons or any perceived threat in the environment. Again, we under-take these behaviors because, for millions of years, humans have withdrawn from things we didn’t like or that could harm us. Therefore, to this day, we expedite our exit from a deplorable party, distance ourselves from a bad relationship, or lean away from those who are deemed undesirable or even with whom we strongly disagree (see figure 5). Just as a man may turn away from his date, an individual in negotiations may shift away from his counterpart if he hears an unattractive offer or feels threatened as bargaining continues. Blocking behaviors may also be manifested; the businessperson may close or rub his eyes, or place his hands in front of his face (see figure 6). He may lean away from the table or the other person and turn his feet away as well, sometimes in the direction of the nearest exit. These are not behaviors of deception, but rather actions that signal that a person feels uncomfortable. These forms of the age-old flight response are distancing nonverbal be- 32 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G Fig. 5 People lean away from each other subconsciously when they disagree or feel uncomfortable around each other. haviors that tell you the businessperson is unhappy with what is occurring at the table. The Fight Response The fight response is the limbic brain’s final tactic for survival through aggression. When a person confronting danger cannot avoid detection by freezing and cannot save himself by distancing or escaping (flight), the only alternative left is to fight. In our evolution as a species, we—along with other mammals—developed the strategy of turning fear into rage in order to fight off attackers (Panksepp, 1998, 208). In the modern LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 33 Fig. 6 Eye blocking is a very powerful display of consternation, disbelief, or disagreement. world, however, acting on our rage may not be practical or even legal, so the limbic brain has developed other strategies beyond the more primitive physical fight response. One form of modern aggression is an argument. Although the original meaning of the term argument relates simply to a debate or discussion, the word is increasingly used to describe a verbal altercation. An overheated argument is essentially “fighting” by nonphysical means. The use of insults, ad hominem phrases, counterallegations, denigration of professional stature, goading, and sarcasm are all, in their own ways, the modern equivalents of fighting, because they are all forms of aggression. If you think about it, civil lawsuits can even be construed as a modern and socially sanctioned type of fight or aggression in which litigants aggressively argue two opposing viewpoints. While humans probably engage in physical altercations far less now than in other periods in our history, fighting is still a part of our limbic armory. Although some people are more prone to violence than others, our limbic response shows up in many ways other than punching, kicking, and biting. You can be very aggressive without physical contact, for example, just by using your posture, your eyes, by puffing out your chest, 34 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G or by violating another’s personal space. Threats to our personal space elicit a limbic response on an individual level. Interestingly, these territorial violations can also create limbic responses on a collective level. When one country intrudes into the space of another, it often results in economic sanctions, severing of diplomatic relations, or even wars. Obviously, it is easy to recognize when someone uses the fight response to commit a physical assault. What I want to identify for you are the not-so-obvious ways in which individuals exhibit some of the more subtle behaviors associated with the fight response. Just as we have seen modified expressions of the freeze and flight limbic reactions, modern decorum dictates that we refrain from acting on our primitive inclina-tions to fight when threatened. In general, I advise people to refrain from using aggression (verbal or physical) as a means of achieving their objectives. Just as the fight response is the act of last resort in dealing with a threat—used only after the freeze and flight tactics have proven unworkable—so too should you avoid it whenever feasible. Aside from the obvious legal and physical reasons for this recommendation, aggressive tactics can lead to emotional turmoil, making it difficult to concentrate and think clearly about the threatening situation at hand. When we are emotionally aroused—and a good fight will do that—it affects our ability to think effectively. This happens because our cognitive abilities are hijacked so that the limbic brain can have full use of all available cerebral resources (Goleman, 1995, 27, 204–207). One of the best reasons for studying nonverbal behaviors is that they can sometimes warn you when a person intends to harm you physically, giving you time to avoid a potential conflict. C O M F O R T / D I S C O M F O R T A N D PA C I F I E R S To borrow a phrase from the old Star Trek series, the “prime directive” of the limbic brain is to ensure our survival as a species. It does this by being programmed to make us secure by avoiding danger or discomfort and seeking safety or comfort whenever possible. It also allows us to remem-LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 35 ber experiences from our past encounters and build upon them (see box 9). Thus far we have seen how efficiently the limbic system helps us to deal with threats. Now let’s look at how our brain and body work together to comfort us and give us confidence in our personal safety. When we experience a sense of comfort (well-being), the limbic brain “leaks” this information in the form of body language congruent with our positive feelings. Observe someone resting in a hammock on a breezy day. His body reflects the high comfort being experienced by his brain. On the other hand, when we feel distressed (discomfort), the limbic brain expresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our negative state of being. Just watch people at the airport when a flight is canceled or delayed. Their bodies say it all. Therefore, we want to learn to look more closely at the comfort and discomfort behaviors we see every day and use them to assess for feelings, thoughts, and intentions. In general, when the limbic brain is in a state of comfort, this mental and physiological well-being is reflected in nonverbal displays of contentment and high confidence. When, however, the limbic brain is experiencing discomfort, the corresponding body language is characterized by behaviors emblematic of stress or low confidence. Knowledge of these “behavioral markers” or tells will help you determine what a person may be thinking, or how to act or what to expect when dealing with other people in any social or work context. The Importance of Pacifying Behaviors Understanding how the limbic system’s freeze, flight, and fight responses influence nonverbal behavior is only part of the equation. As you study nonverbal behavior, you will discover that whenever there is a limbic response—especially to a negative or threatening experience—it will be followed by what I call pacifying behaviors (Navarro, 2007, 141–163). These actions, often referred to in the literature as adapters, serve to calm us down after we experience something unpleasant or downright nasty (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 41–42). In its attempt to restore itself to “normal conditions,” the brain enlists the body to provide comforting 36 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 9: A BRAIN THAT DOESN’T FORGET The limbic brain is like a computer that receives and retains data from the outside world. In doing so, it compiles and maintains a record of negative events and experiences (a burned finger from a hot stove, an assault by a human or animal predator, or even hurtful comments) as well as pleasant encounters. Using this information, the limbic brain allows us to navigate a dangerous and often unforgiving world (Goleman, 1995, 10–21). For example, once the limbic system registers an animal as dangerous, that impression becomes embedded in our emotional memory so that the next time we see that animal, we will react instantly. Likewise, if we run into the “class bully” twenty years later, negative feelings of long ago will percolate to the surface once more, thanks to the limbic brain. The reason it is often difficult to forget when someone has hurt us is because that experience registers in the more primitive limbic system, which is the part of the brain designed not to reason but to react (Goleman, 1995, 207). I recently encountered an individual with whom I was never on the best of terms. It had been four years since I had last seen this person, yet my visceral (limbic) reactions were just as negative as they had been years ago. My brain was reminding me that this individual takes advantage of others, so it was warning me to stay away. This phenomenon is precisely what Gavin de Becker was talking about in his in-sightful book, The Gift of Fear. Conversely, the limbic system also works efficiently to register and retain a record of positive events and experiences (e.g., satisfaction of basic needs, praise, and enjoyable interpersonal relationships). Thus, a friendly or familiar face will cause an immediate reaction—a sense of pleasure and well-being. The feelings of euphoria when we see an old friend or recognize a pleasant smell from childhood occur because those encounters have been registered in the “comfort zone” of the memory bank associated with our limbic system. LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 37 (pacifying) behaviors. Since these are outward signals that can be read in real time, we can observe and decode them immediately and in context. Pacifying is not unique to our species. For example, cats and dogs lick themselves and each other to pacify. Humans engage in much more diverse pacification behaviors. Some are very obvious, while others are much more subtle. Most people would readily think of a child’s thumb sucking when asked to identify a pacifying behavior, but do not realize that after we outgrow that comfort display, we adopt more discreet and socially acceptable ways to satisfy the need to calm ourselves (e.g., chew-ing gum, biting pencils). Most people don’t notice the more subtle pacifying behaviors or are unaware of their significance in revealing a person’s thoughts and feelings. That is unfortunate. To be successful at reading nonverbal behavior, learning to recognize and decode human pacifiers is absolutely critical. Why? Because pacifying behaviors reveal so much about a person’s current state of mind, and they do so with uncanny accuracy (see box 10). I look for pacifying behaviors in people to tell me when they are not at ease or when they are reacting negatively to something I have done or said. In an interview situation, such a display might be in response to a specific question or comment. Behaviors that signal discomfort (e.g., leaning away, a frown, and crossed or tense arms) are usually followed by the brain enlisting the hands to pacify (see figure 8). I look for these behaviors to confirm what is going on in the mind of the person with whom I am dealing. As a specific example, if every time I ask a subject, “Do you know Mr. Hillman?” he responds, “No,” but then immediately touches his neck or mouth, I know he is pacifying to that specific question (see figure 9). I don’t know if he is lying, because deception is notoriously difficult to detect. But I do know that he is bothered by the inquiry, so much so that he has to pacify himself after he hears it. This will prompt me to probe further into this area of inquiry. Pacifying behaviors are important for an investigator to note, since sometimes they help uncover a lie or hidden information. I find pacifying indicators of greater significance and reliability than trying to establish veracity. They help to identify what specific 38 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 10: CAPTURED IN THE NECK OF TIME Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. When women pacify using the neck, they often do so by covering or touching their suprasternal notch with their hand (see figure 7). The suprasternal notch is the hollow area between the Adam’s apple and the breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neck dimple. When a woman touches this part of her neck and/or covers it with her hand, it is typically because she feels distressed, threatened, uncomfortable, insecure, or fearful. This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect, among other things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or concealing important information. I once worked on an investigation where we thought an armed and dangerous fugitive might be hiding out at his mother’s home. Another agent and I went to the woman’s house, and when we knocked at the door, she agreed to let us in. We showed our identification and began asking her a series of questions. When I inquired, “Is your son in the house?” she put her hand to her suprasternal notch and said, “No, he’s not.” I noted her behavior, and we continued with our questioning. After a few minutes I asked, “Is it possible that while you were at work, your son could have sneaked into the house?” Once again, she put her hand up to her neck dimple and replied, “No, I’d know that.” I was now confident that her son was in the house, because the only time she moved her hand to her neck was when I suggested that possibility. To make absolutely sure my assumption was correct, we continued to speak with the woman until, as we prepared to leave, I made one last inquiry. “Just so I can finalize my records, you’re positive he’s not in the house, right?” For a third time, her hand went to her neck as she affirmed her earlier answer. I was now certain the woman was lying. I asked for permission to search the house and, sure enough, her son was hiding in a closet under some blan-kets. She was lucky she was not charged with obstruction of justice. Her LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 39 discomfort in lying to the police about her fugitive son caused her limbic system to generate a pacifying behavior that tipped her hand and gave her away. subjects trouble or distress a person. Knowing these can often lead to evincing information previously hidden that might give us new insights. Types of Pacifying Behaviors Pacifying behaviors take many forms. When stressed, we might soothe our necks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our hair. This is done automatically. Our brains send out the message, “Please pacify me now,” and our hands respond immediately, providing an action that will help make us comfortable again. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly Fig. 7 Covering of the neck dimple pacifies insecurities, emotional discomfort, fear, or concerns in real time. Playing with a necklace often serves the same purpose. Fig. 8 Rubbing of the forehead is usually a good indicator that a person is struggling with something or is undergoing slight to severe discomfort. Fig. 9 Neck touching takes place when there is emotional discomfort, doubt, or insecurity. LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 41 Fig. 10 Fig. 11 Cheek or face touching is a way to Exhaling with puffed out cheeks is a pacify when nervous, irritated, or great way to release stress and to pacify. concerned. Notice how often people do this after a near mishap. with puffed cheeks to calm ourselves (see figures 10 and 11). If a stressed person is a smoker, he or she will smoke more; if the person chews gum, he or she will chew faster. All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the same requirement of the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do something that will stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the brain, so that the brain can be soothed (Panksepp, 1998, 272). For our purposes, any touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg in response to a negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question, an embarrassing situation, or stress as a result of something heard, seen, or thought) is a pacifying behavior. These stroking behaviors don’t help us to solve problems; rather, they help us to remain calm while we do. In other words, they soothe us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair. When it comes to pacifiers, people have personal favorites, some choose to chew gum, smoke cigarettes, eat more food, lick their lips, rub their chins, stroke their faces, play with objects (pens, pencils, lipstick, or watches), pull their hair, or scratch their forearms. Sometimes pacification is even more subtle, like a person brushing the front of his shirt or adjusting his tie (see figure 12). He appears simply to be preening himself, but in 42 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G Fig. 12 Men adjust their ties to deal with insecurities or discomfort. It also covers the suprasternal notch. reality he is calming his nervousness by drawing his arm across his body and giving his hands something to do. These, too, are pacifying behaviors ultimately governed by the limbic system and exhibited in response to stress. Below are some of the most common and pronounced pacifying behaviors. When you see them, stop and ask yourself, “Why is this person pacifying?” The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the specific stressor that caused it can help you understand a person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions more accurately. Pacifying Behaviors Involving the Neck Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. One person may rub or massage the back of his neck with his fingers; another may stroke the sides of his neck or just under the chin above the Adam’s apple, tugging at the fleshy area of the neck. This area is rich with nerve endings that, when stroked, reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate, and calm the individual down (see figures 13 and 14). LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 43 Fig. 13 Fig. 14 Men tend to massage or stroke their Men typically cover their necks more necks to pacify distress. This area is rich robustly than women as a way to deal with nerves, including the vagus nerve, with discomfort or insecurity. which when massaged will slow down the heart rate. Over the decades that I have studied nonverbal behaviors, I have observed that there are gender differences in the way men and women use the neck to pacify themselves. Typically, men are more robust in their pacifying behaviors, grasping or cupping their necks just beneath the chin with their hands, thereby stimulating the nerves (specifically, the vagus nerves or the carotid sinus) of the neck, which in turn slow the heart rate down and have a calming effect. Sometimes men will stroke the sides or the back of the neck with their fingers, or adjust their tie knot or shirt collar (see figure 15). Women pacify differently. For example, when women pacify using the neck, they will sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a necklace, if they are wearing one (see box 11). As mentioned, the other major way women neck pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch with their hand. Women touch their hands to this part of their neck and/ or cover it when they feel stressed, insecure, threatened, fearful, uncomfortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when a woman is pregnant, I have observed that her hand will initially move toward her neck but at the last moment will divert to her belly, as if to cover the fetus. 44 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 11: THE PACIFYING PENDULUM Watch a couple as they converse at a table. If the woman begins to play with her necklace, most likely she is a little nervous. But if she transitions her fingers to her neck dimple (suprasternal notch), chances are there is an issue of concern to her or she feels very insecure. In most instances, if she is using her right hand on her suprasternal notch, she will cup her right elbow with her left hand. When the stressful situation is over or there is an intermission in the uncomfortable part of the discussion, her right hand will lower and relax across her folded left arm. If the situation again becomes tense, her right hand will rise, once again, to the suprasternal notch. From a distance, the arm movement looks like the needle on a stress meter, moving from resting (on the arm) to the neck (upright) and back again, according to the level of stress experienced. Fig. 15 Even a brief touch of the neck will serve to assuage anxiety or discomfort. Neck touching or massaging is a powerful and universal stress reliever and pacifier. LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 45 Pacifying Behaviors Involving the Face Touching or stroking the face is a frequent human pacifying response to stress. Motions such as rubbing the forehead; touching, rubbing, or licking the lip(s); pulling or massaging the earlobe with thumb and forefin-ger; stroking the face or beard; and playing with the hair all can serve to pacify an individual when confronting a stressful situation. As mentioned before, some individuals will pacify by puffing out their cheeks and then slowly exhaling. The plentiful supply of nerve endings in the face make it an ideal area of the body for the limbic brain to recruit to comfort itself. Pacifying Behaviors Involving Sounds Whistling can be a pacifying behavior. Some people whistle to calm themselves when they are walking in a strange area of a city or down a dark, deserted corridor or road. Some people even talk to themselves in an attempt to pacify during times of stress. I have a friend (as I am sure we all do) who can talk a mile a minute when nervous or upset. Some behaviors combine tactile and auditory pacification, such as the tapping of a pencil or the drumming of fingers. Excessive Yawning Sometimes we see individuals under stress yawning excessively. Yawning not only is a form of “taking a deep breath,” but during stress, as the mouth gets dry, a yawn can put pressure on the salivary glands. The stretch of various structures in and around the mouth causes the glands to release moisture into a dry mouth during times of anxiety. In these cases it’s not lack of sleep, but rather stress, that causes the yawning. 46 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G The Leg Cleanser Leg cleansing is one pacification behavior that often goes unnoticed because it frequently occurs under a desk or table. In this calming or pacifying activity, a person places the hand (or hands) palm down on top of the leg (or legs), and then slides them down the thighs toward the knee (see figure 16). Some individuals will do the “leg cleanser” only once, but often it is done repeatedly or the leg merely is massaged. It may also be done to dry off sweaty palms associated with anxiety, but principally it is to get rid of tension. This nonverbal behavior is worth looking for, because it is a good indication that someone is under stress. One way to try and spot this Fig. 16 When stressed or nervous, people will “cleanse” their palms on their laps in order to pacify themselves. Often missed under tables, it is a very accurate indicator of discomfort or anxiety. LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 47 behavior is to watch people who put one or both arms under the table. If they are doing leg cleansing, you will normally see the upper arm and shoulder moving in conjunction with the hand as it rubs along their leg. In my experience, I find the leg cleanser to be very significant because it occurs so quickly in reaction to a negative event. I have observed this action for years in cases when suspects are presented with damning evidence, such as pictures of a crime scene with which they are already familiar (guilty knowledge). This cleansing/pacifying behavior accomplishes two things at once. It dries sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking. You can also see it when a seated couple is bothered or interrupted by an unwelcome intruder, or when someone is struggling to remember a name. In police work, watch for the hand/leg pacifiers to appear when the interview session starts, and then note if they progressively increase when difficult questions arise. An increase in either the number or vigor of leg cleansers is a very good indicator that a question has caused some sort of discomfort for the person, either because he has guilty knowledge, is lying, or because you are getting close to something he does not want to discuss (see box 12). The behavior might also occur because the interviewee is distressed over what he is required to answer in response to our questions. So, keep an eye on what goes on under the table by monitoring the movement of the arms. You will be surprised at how much you can glean from these behaviors. Heed this cautionary note about leg cleansing. While it is certainly seen in people who are being deceptive, I have also observed it in innocent individuals who are merely nervous, so be careful not to jump to any conclusions too quickly (Frank et al., 2006, 248–249). The best way to interpret a leg cleanser is to recognize that it reflects the brain’s need to pacify and, therefore, the reasons for the individual’s behavior should be investigated further. The Ventilator This behavior involves a person (usually a male) putting his fingers between his shirt collar and neck and pulling the fabric away from his skin 48 W H A T E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G BOX 12: FROM FACEBOOK TO DISGRACEBOOK During an interview for a job, an applicant was being questioned by his prospective employer. Everything was going well until, toward the end of the interview, the candidate began talking about networking and the importance of the Internet. The employer complimented him on this comment and made an offhand remark about how most college graduates used the Internet to network in a destructive way, using sites like Facebook to post messages and pictures that would prove to be an embarrassment later in the person’s life. At that point, the employer noticed that the candida