Main Make Her Chase You: The Guide To Attracting Girls Who Are ''Out Of Your League'' Even If You'Re Not..
Make Her Chase You: The Guide To Attracting Girls Who Are ''Out Of Your League'' Even If You'Re Not Rich Or Handsome''Tynan
Make Her Chase You answers questions that have eluded men forever. What really attracts women? How do you ask for her phone number without getting rejected? Which first dates really work, and which are a one way ticket to rejection? What exactly is the friend zone, and how can you get out of it? Tynan, also known as Herbal, is one of the most well known pickup artists in the world, made famous by the New York Times Bestseller, The Game. Taught by the greatest pickup artists in the world, including Mystery from The Pick Up Artist on VH1, Tynan has developed his own style which focuses on authenticity, building relationships, and integrating pickup with normal life.
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March 3, 2008 After a year of selling Make Her Chase You, I decided to take another look at the book and see if it could be improved further. I solicited the advice of all my customers, and the replies poured in. There were a few suggestions that were outside my realm of expertise, but all of them were considered and almost all of them directly affected the new version of the book. Thanks to the time that these men spent offering their feedback, I now believe that this is, bar none, the most complete and effective guide to learning how to meet, attract, and keep women. Special thanks to: Robert Borkowski, G Filotto, Andy S, “Bunky”, “Special”, Jesse, and several others who choose to be anonymous. If you enjoy this book, as I expect and hope you will, you can help me in two ways: 1. Let me know what you liked about the book and how it affected your life. 2. Let me know what’s missing from the book and which parts you’d like more detail on. I know that learning to become successful with women is important to you and I appreciate that you chose my book to reach your goals! Table of Contents Introduction Is Pickup Ethical? Who am I? Why my advice? Girls like you Pickup Artists vs. Naturals 1 1 2 7 8 9 What Attracts Women? 11 Persistence Delivering Confidence Humor Individuality Dress Eccentricities Drive Excitement and Optimism How Good do you Have to Be? 14 17 18 23 25 28 30 32 34 37 Do Looks Matter? Grooming The Chase Your attention Your Standards Refuse to Chase Her Tell her about other girls in your life Attitude The world is your playground Out of Your League? Willingness to leave Dealing with Rejection Talking vs. Doing 44 45 49 50 51 51 52 53 53 55 56 58 59 Storytelling 61 Content Baiting 61 67 Teasing 70 Dates 74 Who should pay? Unique Dates Bring your friends Date Ideas Escaping The Friend Zone Cuddling Social Circle 75 76 77 77 82 83 84 Choose Your Own Relationship 88 Phone Game 90 When should you call? Getting her phone number The First Phone Call Other phone calls 90 90 92 93 Relationships 96 Honesty Respect Setting Rules Arguments Neediness Having a life 96 97 98 98 100 101 Special Considerations Her Friends Jealousy and Cheating Last Minute Resistance Girls with Boyfriends 102 102 102 104 105 Pulling it all Together A Case Study 110 110 The 100% Perfect Girl Story 117 The Cube 120 Openers 123 Dating for Dummies Thug Name Sugar Momma 123 124 124 Introduction Is Pickup Ethical? Over the years I’ve explained pickup to many people. Most are intrigued by the idea and eager to learn more, but some declare that it’s immoral and refuse to even consider reading about it. I’m of the opinion that pickup is not only moral, but also noble. My years spent learning pickup, and thus learning to be a more attractive person, are my gift to women that I am involved with presently and will be involved with in the future. They have the benefit of being with a guy who has weeded out all of his unattractive characteristics and truly understands how they think and feel. Learning pickup is something you should be proud of. You’ve taken a step that many men should take, but few actually do. Their insecurities and macho pride prevent them from taking it. I was embarrassed at first, but by the time I got good and was actually having success with women, I was so proud that I would tell each of the girls about it with genuine enthusiasm. Every single one was fascinated, more attracted to me, and curious to learn more. Who are Mystery and Style? Style is the nickname of Neil Strauss, a famous pickup artist who wrote the The Game, the authoritative book about the best pickup artists in the world. Mystery is one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, and arguably the best. He’s best known for inventing “The Mystery Method”, a system for picking up women. Both Mystery and Style are my former roommates. One night Style and I were at a birthday party, bouncing around talking to different groups of people. Make Her Chase You Page 1 We found two attractive girls named Karen and Jennifer. Within a few minutes, we’d paired off. I talked to Karen, a Venezuelan runner. We liked each other, and exchanged numbers. When she called (yes, girls will be calling you too) I told her to first meet at my place, as I had something I wanted to show her. What I didn’t tell her is that I would be in the middle of teaching a pick up workshop with Mystery in our living room. She got there, sat with me, and listened as I taught students how to tell stories. As we were about to leave to get some ice cream, a student asked how to stop a girl walking on the street. Using Karen, I demonstrated. She enjoyed being part of the demonstration. We said our goodbyes and headed for the door. “Herbal, I have one last question. When a girl’s in your bed and won’t sleep with you, what do you do?” I laughed and answered him. Karen was amused too, not mortified as some may expect. The simple truth is that both guys and girls are looking for intimate relationships, connection, and attraction. Anything a member of either gender can do to get closer to those goals is ethical and downright generous. Or, to put it another way – if a girl was trying hard to become more attractive to you, how upset would you be about it? Who am I? My real name is Tynan, but I’m better known as “Herbal”, thanks to the fabulous book by Neil Strauss, The Game. Except for a short stint in third grade, I was never popular. I always had great friends, but they were almost all male. Make Her Chase You Page 2 I was too shy to talk to girls. I had just one girlfriend in High School, and it would be fair to say that she picked me up. Near the end of high school, a beautiful girl named Julie fell for me. She was a friend of a friend and by coincidence happened to spend enough time around me to like me. I, of course, liked her as well. Because I was unable to interact with girls, we remained “just friends”. Being as shy and passive as I was, I accepted this without question. Then, during the last week of summer, something changed. One lazy summer night we went to a party together that her girlfriends hosted. My shyness rearing its ugly head again, I didn’t talk to anyone. I just followed her around like a puppy. She got a phone call and I followed her into the bathroom while she answered it. After she hung up, she looked at me and said, “ Tynan, I have something to confess to you. You’re going to be mad at me.” “Okay?” I had no idea what to think. “I… I have a crush on you,” she said coyly. I never saw it coming. I felt that adrenaline rush that only girls can trigger and replied, “I have a crush on you too.” We kissed for the first time, and it was one of few kisses in my life that I’ll always remember. Unfortunately for our belated summer romance, she was leaving to go to school in Chicago in just three days. When she left, it was over. I naively assumed that we would have a long distance relationship, but she had more sense than that. Make Her Chase You Page 3 I was in love and I missed her. My pillow still smelled like her perfume, and I would smell it every night before I went to sleep, until one day I couldn’t smell it anymore. To use the parlance of the pickup community, I was an AFC – an average frustrated chump. Over the next year I built a business. If I was rich, maybe she would want to be with me when she got back from school. I was so blind to reality that I thought that waiting four years for her was a good idea. Whenever I worked on my business, I thought of her and let that thought motivate me. I began training to run. I pushed myself until I could run ten miles, thinking that maybe if I was in better shape, I might have a chance with her. As I battled across the pavement I thought of her, and that thought kept me going. One day a friend showed me a web site that claimed to teach guys how to meet women. I thought it was a stupid idea, and I continued with my futile effort to make myself better for Julie. Over the next three years I had only one relationship. It lasted six months, and although she initiated much of it, I learned that I was very good at keeping girls once I had them. It was a relief to know that at least I had some natural skill with women. During those three years, Julie got engaged and decided to stay in Chicago. Our future together was looking pretty bleak. Finally one night I lay down in bed and thought of Julie, as I often did. But this time, I was angry at myself. I deserved better than to pine over one girl I had no chance with. I did what any geek would do - I got up and turned on my computer. I began trying to find that site about picking up girls again. I couldn’t remember what it was called. I punched different permutations of “seduction” Make Her Chase You Page 4 “pickup” “fast” and “quick” until I finally found it. The site was www.fastseduction.com. I spent the entire night reading the site, not going to bed until the sun made it nearly impossible. When I woke up eight hours later I kept reading. Over the next few months I read everything ever written about pickup, but was still too shy to practice it. Finally some newfound pickup friends pushed me into it, and I started talking to girls. To call my initial success “moderate” would be generous. I decided that if I was going to do this, I needed to immerse myself and dedicate myself to it. Before I could do that, I wanted to see the greats in person to see what was possible. Knowing that there was a Double your Dating seminar there, I booked a ticket to Chicago. The seminar was sold out, but I didn’t care. All I needed was a tiny peek into the world of the pickup artists to know that it was real. Tyler from Real Social Dynamics was, and still is, one of the greatest pickup artists in the world. Through a fortunate set of coincidences, I met him there and he allowed me to observe his workshop for free. Tyler wasn’t any better looking than I was. He seemed like a normal person. If he could do it, then I’d know that I could to. He stole Miss Indiana from her boyfriend in front of my eyes. I was a believer. His business partner, Papa, was spearheading an endeavor called “Project Hollywood” where the best pickup artists in the world would live together in a mansion right in the middle of the LA clubbing district. Mystery, Style, Tyler, and Papa were all going to live there. Make Her Chase You Page 5 I became friends with Papa, and he invited me to join Mystery’s Lounge, which was a secret forum that only the top pickup artists in the world had access to. He must have thought I was a lot better pickup artist than I was, because I had no business being there. A week after I joined the lounge, I saw a post from Style saying that they had one bedroom in the Mansion left. Rent was $3000 per month, but I barely considered how damaging that would be to my budget. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn from the most skilled ladies men in the land. I had to take it. Before I could second guess myself, I called Style and agreed to take the room. I knew that if I passed up the chance, I would always wonder what could have happened. Three weeks later I had told all my friends and family about my involvement with pickup and was on the road to Los Angeles. Fueled by adrenaline and visions in my head of adventures to come, I drove there in 24 hours without stopping to sleep. Halfway into the drive, a scary thought occurred to me. Was I just a tenant helping to pay the rent? I had only met Papa and Tyler, and didn’t really know them well. How much would they actually be willing to teach me? A front view of Project Hollywood. My room is the one with the doors open to the balcony. I got my answer the first night when Mystery took me out as his wingman. I soon became good friends with everyone in the house, and each one actively contributed towards me becoming a better pickup artist. Make Her Chase You Page 6 I attended their seminars, went out with them, and asked them countless questions. We winged together, compared notes, and went on double dates together. Long nights were spent in the hot tub discussing pickup and life’s possibilities. The pickup education I received was second to none. I learned from everyone who was anyone in the pickup scene, and went out with them to do my homework in LA’s hottest clubs. I was transformed from an introverted computer nerd to a bona fide pickup artist. Eventually it began to rain in paradise. Mystery and Papa fought and refused to work together. I lived with them when they went from friends to enemies. Taking Papa’s place, I began managing Mystery’s workshops initially, and later would travel around the US to help teach them with him. As I taught workshops with Mystery my skills expanded and I earned his respect as a pickup artist. Things were going swimmingly until I stole his girlfriend, Katya. If you’ve read The Game, then you know that story. Since then I’ve moved back to Austin and I’m seeing a loving girl who is smart, sweet, and pretty. She cooks me food, does my laundry, and a number of other sweet things for me. She’s also bisexual, so we’re looking for a girlfriend together. Why my advice? These days there’s a new wave of hundreds of so called pick up experts, each with their own cookie cutter book promising the same thing. I’ve met a number of these people, and am left unimpressed. The truth is that there are few truly great pickup artists, and I’m happy to count all of them as my friends. In a tier of their own are Mystery, Style, Tyler, Jlaix, and Lance Mason. Make Her Chase You Page 7 These are the men who are true masters of pickup who have innovated and shaped the way we think about the skill. I was fortunate to learn tremendous amounts from each of these people, as well as many other skilled pickup artists. I came into the game with no ego, and happily learned from every guru while other students would latch onto only one person with fanatic loyalty, and ignore valuable lessons from the others. Many of the gurus are enemies now, and are increasingly inaccessible. I lived with some of them and learned every nuance of their philosophy and methods. In short, I’ve been fortunate enough to receive an education in pickup that can probably never be reproduced. When I was in Hollywood I went out constantly with experts in the field and gained my own insight which I combined with what I’d learned. I put in the time and speak from experience. My goal with this book is to transfer my knowledge and understanding to you as efficiently and completely as possible. You will still have to practice to become proficient, but my hope is that this book will make that journey easier, faster, and more enjoyable. Girls like you Whether you actually believe it or not, I’d like to request that you allow one assumption in this book, one that I personally know is true. When you were a baby, everyone liked you. You looked cute, you smiled, you made funny noises, and people put up with changing your diapers. If you were put into a playpen with a similarly cute girl when you were learning to crawl, you would probably play and laugh. We start off likable by everyone. Then we pick up habits. Some of the habits we pick up are good, but others work against us. You may know people who are naturally fantastic with women – they got lucky and picked up the right habits. Make Her Chase You Page 8 Our society has a very strange view on dating and relationships, with an overemphasis on blending in and fabricated courting gestures (do sea otters trade semi-rare stones?). It’s not crazy to expect that most people would have some issues with the natural and necessary process of mating. Deep down inside, you are someone that girls like. Unfortunately, you have learned some ridiculous habits which are preventing them from realizing that they like you. When you finally learn this, it’s as if you just noticed you had red slippers. It was a long journey, and all you had to do was click your heels the whole time. All I want to do for you is to remove your bad habits, and teach you some new good habits. I don’t want to turn you into a rock star wannabe who hangs out at clubs and calls girls “broads”, unless that’s who you really are. I want to amplify who you already are - who your friends love you for being. Turn up the volume on all of the things that are great about you, and mute those which are distracting from your likable self. If you’re willing to trust me that somewhere in you is a very attractive guy, then my job excavating that person will be made a lot easier. This is the exact process that I’ve personally gone through, and I’m writing the book that I wish I could send to myself 10 years ago. Pickup Artists vs. Naturals The national pastime of America is complaining. We love to think that everyone has things easier than we do, and that we are victims. If you’re one of those people, wake up! I’ve heard so many pickup artists wish that they were naturals. I don’t wish for a second that I was a natural. If I could give up the journey I’ve taken to become a pickup artist and trade it for natural skills, I wouldn’t do it. Make Her Chase You Page 9 Naturals aren’t very aware of what they’re doing. Some have a basic understanding, but they never have the same frame of reference that someone who sucked with women has. Worst of all, they’re already successful, so they don’t have much motivation to study the inner workings of interpersonal relationships. They don’t make the leap from “good” to “great”. Being bad with women is no fun, but be thankful that you’ve found resources that can totally change that. It will be an incredible journey that will leave you in the most enviable position of all. Make Her Chase You Page 10 What Attracts Women? The natural progression of a pickup can be cut up into many different phases, but for practical purposes, I like to think of it as two phases. The first phase only lasts 5-10 minutes, starting from when you first see the girl you’re interested in. I call it “advertising”, but most conventional pickup theories call it “attraction.” It’s during this phase that you need to advertise that you’re worth getting to know. This is the easiest place to lose a girl, so it’s worthwhile to spend some time perfecting the art of the first five minutes. Your main objective during the advertising phase is to advertise that you’re different from most guys and that you’re not creepy in any way. How you differentiate yourself isn’t vitally important – you only need for her to decide that you’re worth getting to know. Because the first five minutes isn’t used to show who I am, only that I’m different, I like to have it very scripted, and I don’t mind stretching the truth a bit. Definitions An opener is the first thing that you say to a girl or a group. Unlike most things you’ll say, it’s a good idea to rehearse your opener if possible A routine is a memorized or prepracticed game or story you’re going to share with a girl. I would never deceive a girl by saying I’m in a rock band or something, but I’ll gladly use an old story and pretend it just happened yesterday. There are hundreds of good openers that have been popularized, and they all follow a similar pattern. One that my girlfriend and I came up with that we use is, “Hey, help us settle a bet. We each set up one of our friends with the other’s friend, and now they’re happily dating. My friend tells me all the juicy gossip, but hers doesn’t. She thinks that I should have to tell her everything, but I think it’s between me and my friend. What do you think?” Make Her Chase You Page 11 Don’t become too preoccupied with an opener. The actual content of the opener isn’t nearly as important as how you say it. If you focus exclusively on the opener like many people do, you’ll never get good at anything other than opening. The old standby of, “Hi, my name is Tynan and I just had to meet you.” is extremely effective when delivered confidently. Jlaix, one of the most skilled pickup artists, found that he could open groups just by saying “I like salad.” You can use one of the openers at the end of this book or one of the hundreds easily available on the internet, but I’d recommend coming up with your own. Although it doesn’t actually matter, budding pickup artists often worry that girls will realize that they’re reciting canned lines. Inventing your own routines solves that problem. The one caveat with so called opinion openers is that you don’t want to seem like you don’t know what to do. For example, “I met this girl and I think she likes me, but I don’t really know where to take her” is awful. It shows that you’re incompetent with women. Similarly, don’t try to show off. A line like “I’m dating three women right now and there’s a fourth girl I’m interested in. Do you think that’s too many” seems fake (even if it’s not), and reeks of bragging. Sticking to stories about your friends will ensure that you don’t get caught in this trap. I also like fake question openers. A fake question opener asks a question, but discards the answer quickly to tell a story. For example, “Hey, have you guys ever been to Pitch and Putt Golf ?” I don’t care whether they say yes or no. Either way I respond, “Oh really? Well I was there last week and…” This is a reasonably good segue from not knowing someone to telling them a story. Make Her Chase You Page 12 Men talk in a linear fashion, while women tend to jump from subject to subject. If you also jump around while talking to them The last type of notable openers is situational openers. These are very dangerous because they’re the only kind of openers normal people tend to use. Bad examples of situational openers are: “Hey, this club is really busy tonight.” “That’s a really cool purse. Where did you get it?” “ You’re really pretty. Can I buy you a drink?” All of these openers are boring, typical, and are not advertising anything good about you. Avoid them like the plague. Good situational openers are ones that there’s no chance she’s ever heard before. I once saw a pair of girls waiting at a bus stop. I walked up to them and said, “Ladies… I’m very sorry, but the bus is out of service tonight. Luckily for you, my friend and I offer a piggyback service. You can buy rides for $1 a block.” They laughed as we tried to convince them that we were serious. When the bus came they called us liars and invited us to go to their salsa lesson with them. No matter what you say, the important thing is to relate a very specific impression, one which will ensure that she wants to get to know you. Demonstrate that you have a very interesting life full of friends and adventure, and that you’re talking to her only to amuse yourself. Make her feel as though you’re excited about life, and that you could very easily walk away at a moment’s notice. Key to making it seem like you may leave any second is your body language. Lean back and speak louder, rather than leaning in. Face away from her at first with your body, only turning your head. Slowly turn towards her as your Make Her Chase You Page 13 conversation continues, but only if she is also turning towards you. If she isn’t, then take a step backwards as if you’re about to leave. Vary the intonation and timing of your speech. Speak quickly through boring parts and very slowly through exciting parts. Let your voice rise and fall through its range. Think of how Ben Stein talks – that’s how you don’t want to be. You should incorporate a lot of teasing into the first five minutes. Make it imminently clear that you don’t put her on a pedestal. A dismissive “Oh, reeeallly?” or “Uh-huh.” can work wonders. These sorts of actions signal that you’re on her level, and that you’re not intimidated. This works doubly well if you’re somewhat geeky like I am, and look like the type that might be intimidated by beauty. She can’t help but wonder what makes us so confident. If she’s still talking to you and facing you after five minutes, you’ve done enough advertising. She’s ready to stop bantering and get to know who you are. One of the most common errors I’ve seen amongst pickup students is that they never move past the advertising phase. This is largely because when properly executed it causes girls to show how attracted they are. At first it’s intoxicating to receive this kind of attention, making it hard to stop the behavior that’s causing it. It’s a dead end road, though, so force yourself to stop after 5-10 minutes. Persistence It was the 2005 Pickup Artist Summit. I had organized it and it was to be the first time that all of the top pickup artists in the world gathered in one place to share their ideas and methods. Make Her Chase You Page 14 Because of different feuds that would later evolve, it was the last event of its kind. My star was on the rise. I’d gone from being a nobody to being the student of the masters. I had a lot to prove. Of course, there were also one hundred spectators who had come along. Every club we went to was lined with aspiring pickup artists who wanted to see what we could do. We stood on the patio of the Saddle Ranch in Hollywood. Three girls were standing near the railing with three of my pickup friends talking to them. Almost. One of them rudely had her back turned to my friend, who just couldn’t crack her. He laughed and came up to me. “ Try that one. I can’t get a word out of her.” I glanced around at the onlookers and started heading towards the girl. This would be impressive if I could pull it off. If not, it would be pretty embarassing. I addressed her, but she wouldn’t turn around. I told her a quick story and received no response. I’d never met a girl this cold before, but I couldn’t fail in front of all these people. I told her another story. And then another and another. Nothing. No response. Normally I would have given up, but there were too many people watching me. I told her a funny story, and around the corner of her face I saw her crack a smile. She still hadn’t looked at me once, but I could tell I was getting to her. Make Her Chase You Page 15 “Ok, that’s it,” I said, “here I am entertaining you and being a good guy and you’re ignoring me? I see you laughing. I caught you. I’m out of here.” I turned around, knowing exactly what would happen. I felt a hand on my shoulder. “No, wait!” She was smiling. From then on she was very friendly and warm. We went to dinner with our friends and then she came back up to our house with me. I later discovered that the reason she was so cold at first was because a creepy ex boyfriend was calling her every three minutes trying to find out where she was. She had no desire to talk to guys. However, I was able to show that I was different than that guy and she loved me for it. My point is this - it’s not over until it’s over. Unless she specifically tells you to leave her alone, don’t leave. And if she says it too early, wait for her to say it again. Awkward Pauses Learn to love awkward pauses. Think about a stereotypical confident guy like James Bond. If there was an awkward pause, what would he do? He wouldn’t feel embarrassed and rush to fill the void. Instead he would slowly lean back and wait for her to say something. When there’s an awkward moment in any conversation, assume that it’s her fault. Very few men are able to handle social pressure like this, so if you can show her that you handle it well, she will be more attracted to you. If you follow my advice to become the kind of guy that girls want in their lives, you’ll have to push through that initial wall sometimes. And this doesn’t just go for the initial opener, either. If she doesn’t kiss you one day, try again the next time you see her. If she’s willingly keeping you company, you’re still in the game. Make Her Chase You Page 16 I feel like this is a good point to give this obligatory warning: this does not in any way mean to force yourself on a girl. If you try to kiss a girl and she says no, then back off. If she says to leave, then leave. Don’t insult her, just walk away and tell her it was nice to meet her. Delivering Now that you’ve convinced her that you’re a worthwhile guy to know, it’s time to prove it. As long as you still know the girl, you’re still in the delivering phase. All it requires is being the most amazing guy she’s ever met. Keeping it up is easy, because the idea is to actually BE the most amazing guy, not just act like him by reciting lines that you’ve memorized. Some people become pickup artists, only to find frustration in the fact that they can’t actually keep a girl. On the other hand, I’m excellent at keeping girls because I have designed my life to be as interesting and exciting as possible (for me as well as girls who come into it), while eliminating anything I do that could be construed as jealous, needy, insecure, or creepy. This may seem like a considerable amount of effort just to meet girls, but you’ll find that it pays off in many other ways. When I began focusing on the principles I’m about to teach you, I found that not only did my success with women increase dramatically, but so did my relationships with my friends and family, my business improved noticeably, and I became a happier person. In this stage, I use almost no lines or canned routines. The idea is to get her to know who you really are. One exception is my version of the 100% Perfect Girl routine, which I adapted from Style’s version. I like this because it’s simply telling her a story I heard (often I’ve already explained that I’m a pickup artist, and use this as an example of a routine). Make Her Chase You Page 17 No matter the context, it’s always effective to set the tone for the relationship and for her to realize that she has one chance to “win” you. Another routine I particularly like is The Cube. It’s based on a psychology study, and was adapted for pickup a long time ago. I tend to tell them that it’s a pickup routine like the 100% Perfect Girl story and they like it because it demonstrates that I’m getting to know them as well. Girls love hearing about themselves, and showing that you understand them is very attractive. Both of these routines are available at the end of the book. Other than those routines, your conversations should be like conversations that you have with your friends, peppered with occasional flirting and stories about your life. If you’re reading this book, your life is probably at least 18 years long. Hopefully in those tens of thousands of hours of life, you’ve had enough interesting experiences to share. Don’t be afraid to talk about her as well. It’s important for her to share her stories with you. Ask her about what she wants out of life, and about her future. If you disagree with her opinion, let her know! I’ve had several girls tell me that they like how I never back down from arguments. If the argument is going nowhere, don’t let it drag out too long. Show her that proving your point isn’t that important to you, and say “well… maybe we’ll never know for sure” and change the subject. There are a few traits that all girls find inherently attractive, so you may as well embody all of them. They are: Confidence Think of ten people you admire. How many of them are confident? My guess would be all of them. Confidence is probably the sexiest quality a man can have, and is surprisingly easy to cultivate and express. One of the easiest ways to become confident is to act as though you’re confident. Make Her Chase You Page 18 When you see that people accept your confidence, and that it improves your performance in all areas of life, you will naturally become confident. This is one area that it’s ok to fake because you’re genuinely working towards it. Don’t think you have anything to be confident about? You’re wrong. You’re here, and you’re alive. You made it. Sure there are some things wrong with your life, but that could be said about almost anyone. If you’re reading this book (and I assume you are), then you’ve already shown that you’re confident. It takes a lot of self assuredness to admit that you need help with women and to actually take action on it. When I taught workshops with Mystery I was constantly humbled by the men who would admit that there was something wrong in their life and take drastic steps to fix it. If you share that you’re learning about this with women, they will perceive it as you being confident as long as you say it confidently! Think about things that have gone well in your life. They went well because YOU made them go well. Even things that seem lucky – you allowed them to happen and probably took some action to spawn them. Be proud of who you are and of the decisions you’ve made. Never apologize for yourself, unless you do something that you know was wrong (for example, if you elbow a girl in the face by accident, please apologize). Bad forms of apologizing can take the form of “Hey, SORRY to bother you, but can you help settle a bet,” where you’re directly saying that you’re sorry. It can also be revealed by indirectly expressing that you’re sorry. When I tell girls about pickup, I tell them matter of factly that I used to be bad with women, I learned, and now I’m good. I don’t make excuses for being bad – I just say that’s how it was. Make Her Chase You Page 19 If you say, “ Yeah, I’m learning this pickup stuff. I don’t know if it really works or whatever, but my friend told me about it so I’m just reading it for fun,” you are telling her subconsciously that you’re ashamed of what you’re doing. You’re apologizing for your desires. No one wants to be around someone who is ashamed of their actions, as this is the direct opposite of being confident. Become hyper aware of what everything you say says about you, because everything you say DOES say something about you. It doesn’t all have to be good, but 95% of it should be, and that last 5% are still mistakes that deserve some thought. How about asking for a date? “If you’re free sometime, maybe we could go on a date?” That statement is so full of uncertainty that it’s sickening. Girls don’t want to hear that. Sometimes I’ll call girls and just tell them what we’re doing. “Hey, be ready in an hour. I’m picking you up and we’re doing something really fun.” Some people are embarrassed because they have crappy cars, and they make excuses for them. “I’m sorry the car’s a mess. I’m actually going to get a new one soon…” She doesn’t care what kind of car you have, so any justification you’re doling out is clearly only coming from your insecurity. I can’t tell you how many pickup artists I know who drive old crappy cars that are broken. It never slows them down. Some even consider it a badge of pride, as they’re too smart to spend money trying to impress girls with a brand new car. These sorts of things work for you doubly well because she’s used to guys being embarrassed about having a bad car, and she’s also used to rich losers trying to impress her with their cars. When you roll around in a 91 Ford Tau- Make Her Chase You Page 20 rus and don’t even mention it, she’ll wonder where your confidence comes from. Confidence also takes the form of strong opinions. The subject or opinion isn’t nearly as important as the conviction. I have tons of these: • Eating sugar will kill you, so I don’t eat any of it. • Dropping out of school is a great idea. • I want to have a billion dollars and a submarine. • I’m going to climb Mount Everest. • Drinking from plastic cups is gross. • Tap water is better than bottled water. • I’m not paying for dates. She may share all of these thoughts or none of them. What’s relevant is that I am a staunch believer in each one, and I will never back down. Don’t be the guy in this conversation: He says, “I hate scary movies.” “Really? I love them.” “Oh. I like some of them. Which ones do you like?” “28 Days Later and The Grudge were good.” “ Yeah, I like those ones too.” See how he’s totally flipped on his convictions just to gain her favor? She sees right through it and he has achieved the opposite of his goal. She now knows that he’s not confident and is pandering to her tastes. Make Her Chase You Page 21 You don’t need to start an argument either. People who argue a lot are generally not very confident. Here’s a better way to handle the situation: “I hate scary movies.” “Really? I love them.” “Oh, I can’t stand them. They’re never as scary as I expect, but I get all freaked out anticipating the scary parts, so I never actually enjoy the movie.” “Ooh… I love that feeling.” “ Well, hopefully we have some movie tastes in common, or we’ll never get along. Do you like 70s midget porn?” Here I’ve shown that I’m willing to back up my opinion, but that I’m not insecure enough about it to try to convince her that there’s something wrong with her opinion. By admitting that I get scared, I show a bit of vulnerability without being embarrassed about it. Since it’s no fun to talk about how we don’t have this in common, I end the conversation with a joke. Being confident, bordering on cocky is a good thing. However, it should always be used to raise you up, not to put others down. Most cocky guys that women encounter are constantly putting other guys down. This is tiresome and makes her wonder if the confidence is genuine or not. I am extremely confident and cocky, and girls know it. In fact, I’m quick to tell them that I am very self centered and cocky. Several girls have told me that they can’t figure out why they like it when I’m cocky but hate when other guys are. I know why – it’s because I build up myself, as well as other people, and I never put people down. Make Her Chase You Page 22 I like to talk about how great my friends are, or how wonderful my family is. I say that I’m great, but it’s because my mother did such a good job raising me, and that I was fortunate to have such great friends. I might speak poorly of segments of the population (“I just don’t understand how people eat junk food all day. It’s so dumb”), but I’ll never say something personal like, “ Tom’s such an idiot. He eats all that junk food all day, but I’m smart enough to eat healthy.” If you actively try to become and act more confident, you will soon become more confident than you could ever imagine being. Also, you’ll be so tuned into confidence that you’ll detect when girls aren’t very confident. When you notice this, it makes you feel a lot more at ease talking to them, and makes it fun to try to make them feel comfortable enough with you to get their confidence back. Humor Having a sense of humor is important. You don’t need to crack jokes constantly, but you need to be able to make her laugh from time to time. NEVER make self deprecating jokes. Admitting faults is fine, but making jokes about them will make her wonder if you’re actually confident or not. These jokes are usually made due to insecurity. If it’s a fault she’s known about for a while, it’s ok to talk about it in a way that clearly demonstrates that you are not embarassed or insecure. For example, I have an awful sense of direction. I’ve tried to improve it, but progress has been thin. I don’t really care, since I have a GPS, and girls know that I’m not concerned about it. Once in a while I can make a joke like, “ You’d better drive. If I navigate we’ll end up in Russia” without making her wonder if I’m self conscious. Don’t try to imitate other people’s sense of humor too much. Focus on things that you think are funny, and try to articulate what makes them funny to you. Make Her Chase You Page 23 The key is to be authentic in all areas of attracting girls. If you try to imitate someone else’s sense of humor, it will be obvious to the girl. It’s far better to take the time to cultivate your own sense of humor. Written jokes aren’t very funny. Don’t repeat comedians’ jokes. This always comes off fake, as if you’re putting on an act. You don’t have to be funny often. It’s better to be reserved and say something funny once a week than to say somewhat funny things several times a day. I had a friend in college who was usually rather stoic, but would occasionally say something funny. The contrast against his normal serious demeanor helped make the jokes seem even funnier. Practice being funny around your friends and family. See what they respond to. You’ll probably find that most of humor is in the timing, which is something easier learned through practice than explanation. Whatever you do, NEVER laugh at your own jokes until everyone else is laughing. Even then, a polite chuckle is all it takes. The ONLY reason people laugh at their own jokes is to try to induce others to laugh, whether consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes something will be so incredibly funny that you’ll have to laugh. As long as you’re making a sincere effort not to, don’t worry about it too much. If people don’t laugh at your jokes, the jokes aren’t that funny. Don’t take it personally, it just means that you need more practice being funny. Don’t be one of those people who follows up with, “ What? I thought it was funny.” Even hilarious people like me make bad jokes once in a while. Just move on and don’t react to the silence. They heard your joke, and they understood it. There’s no need for clarification. Make Her Chase You Page 24 When you comment on people not laughing, it creates the most awkward of all moments. She didn’t find it funny, but can’t say that, so she has to force a laugh or assure you that it is funny. Meanwhile, she’s just thinking about how insecure you seem. Laugh at her jokes. If they’re not that funny, then make a decision. Either you’re not interested in her, or you’re going to put up with bad jokes and laugh. Your job is to make her feel comfortable around you, and that includes laughing at her stupid jokes. It seems like a double standard, and it is – but deal with it. Another nuance: never tell her that you’re “just kidding”. She knows when you’re just kidding, because she’s not a total idiot. When people say things like, “ Yeah, he wishes he could shoot a crossbow like me. Haha... Just kidding” it once again displays insecurity. If you aren’t very funny by nature, then don’t try to be a clown. It’s better to not make jokes than to make bad jokes, so practice with your friends until you know that your jokes will hit. Girls respond to their emotions, rather than logic. Guys tend to prefer logical deadpan jokes, while girls like jokes that are expressed with a lot of emotion and will make them giggle. To achieve this effect, make sure that you vary the tone of your voice as well as the look on your face. If a person in your funny story was surprised, make a surprised face as you talk about him. Individuality Every guy is the same to girls. You wear blue jeans, a white and blue button down shirt, and trendy sneakers. You like football, beer, and cars. You’re going to talk to her about her job, your job, parties you’ve been to, and possibly what you’re doing on spring break. Make Her Chase You Page 25 This is what she believes, and she’s waiting for you to confirm her suspicions. Our culture leads us to believe that to be attractive we need to fit in and emulate others, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. The more different you are (without being scary), the more attractive you are. Note that being different by conforming to an alternative stereotype doesn’t count as being different (I’m talking about hippies, Goths, and emo kids here) . Her prince charming isn’t a cookie cutter man of any type – he is an individual who has his own opinions and hobbies. Rarity is always prized. If she feels like you’re just one guy who is mostly the same as everyone else, she will always be looking to replace you. It will be easy for her to do so. However, if you are one in a million and she’s never met ANYONE like you before, she will cling to you for dear life. This is true even if the things that make you unique aren’t necessarily exactly what she’s looking for. Rolex makes some of the best and most expensive watches in the world. One particular model they make is called the “Daytona”. A limited run of these watches was created with minor differences, the most significant being slightly different hour markers that are thick rectangles instead of thin lines. It’s called the “Paul Newman Daytona”. This watch sells for many times more than an indentical rolex with the normal markers. Rolex Daytona “Paul Newman” edition Why? Is it because rectangular markers are easier to read? Are they better in any concrete way? No, it’s because they’re rare. Make Her Chase You Page 26 When a girl has a rare date or boyfriend, she has to seriously consider losing him. She makes the decision knowing full well that she will never meet another guy like you again. Normal guys can be replaced in days. Hobbies Girls are attracted to men with unusual hobbies. This is primarily because it’s an example of individuality, it gives her something to learn about, and a way to get into “your world”. Chances are that you already have some different hobbies. It really doesn’t matter what they are, as long as they aren’t mainstream. Some prime examples of good hobbies would be flying helicopters, painting oil paintings, or mountain climbing. These are different and fascinating to most people. However, even more mundane hobbies will do. For example, I learned how to solve the Rubik’s cube. It sounds extremely nerdy (and it is, really), but girls never fail to be impressed when they see me solve it. I like to do crazy daredevil things. I once built a swing that could swing over my 13th story balcony. At the same time, my neighbor was having an amazing party filled with the hottest women in Austin. To give you an idea of the caliber of this party, Mel Gibson was one of the guests. I went over, started talking about my swing, and next thing I knew, every one of the hot girls was on my balcony wanting to try the swing. I took the spotlight from Mel Gibson, and even he followed everyone over. No girl says that she dreams of a man who builds swings off his balcony, but the contrast between my interests and the boring guys at the party (incidentally Mel was an amazing storyteller, but his costar was very boring) was so overwhelming that they couldn’t help but be drawn into my world. Even taking mundane hobbies and becoming a real expert in them is attractive. Make Her Chase You Page 27 Most guys like beer. My friend AceOfHearts is a beer aficionado who literally takes out a piece of paper and reviews every beer he drinks. He collects his favorites in a special fridge at his apartment. That sort of bizarre behavior triggers curiosity in everyone, beautiful ladies included. You probably already have interesting hobbies. Think about the things you like to do, and evaluate which ones girls don’t know a lot about or don’t hear a lot about. If you don’t have interesting hobbies, pick some up! I don’t think that you should do much for the sole purpose of attracting women, but getting new hobbies can be rewarding in a lot of ways. Remember that girls love to tell their friends about the guys they’re dating. If you have a unique hobby that she can talk about, it makes “her guy” more appealing than her friends’ boyfriends. This is a powerful social bargaining chip for her. “Oh, the guy I’m seeing now is really cool. He runs marathons.” This is very different from: “Oh, the guy I’m seeing now is really cool.” Dress Your clothes are telling a story about you to everyone who sees you. What are they saying? If you’re like most guys, they’re saying “I’m a boring idiot who’s afraid to express himself.” If you’re a bit trendier they might be saying “My look is important to me, so I look at what other people are wearing and copy them.” If neither of those stories is what you want people thinking of you, then it’s time to change. Mystery first came up with this idea and calls it “Peacocking.” Make Her Chase You Page 28 To be honest, I had limited faith in it like most people who first hear the concept. Then I went to Hollywood and saw Mystery wear the most absurd outfits. He wore platform boots, huge hats, strange plastic backpacks, goggles, and even a men’s dress. The reaction was amazing – girls treated him like a rock star. Experiment with different styles of dress, and even wear some items that are meant for costumes. Maybe you feel comfortable in pajamas like Hugh Hefner. Why not wear those all the time? I like to have a signature item that people will identify with me. I used to wear a feather boa when I lived in Hollywood. I wore this boa so much that on any given day you could walk down Sunset Boulevard and see feathers that had dropped from nights before.Now I wear a sequined hat every single day. My now famous sequinned hat that I wear every day. Not only does it stand out and induce women to come up to me to start a conversation, it makes me much more memorable. All of the bouncers remember me and let me in, but forget my more plainly dressed friends. If girls see me out twice, they often come up to me the second time and tell me that they saw me wearing my hat before. I’m personally very bad at remembering people, but they always remember me because of my hat. You wouldn’t believe the mileage I’ve gotten out of this $20 hat. Don’t be afraid of items that may lead people to believe you’re gay. Girls always know somehow that I’m straight, and they assume that I’m brave to wear such an outlandish item. Regardless of what you wear, it’s important that it fits well. Ill fitting clothes look awkward and sloppy. Make Her Chase You Page 29 Get a girl to help you pick out clothes (seriously, what girl doesn’t want to go shopping?) or even ask people who work at the store. Most guys wear clothes that are too large or baggy, so err on the side of too tight if necessary. Go for a look that is coherent and fits your personality. If you’re a reserved businessman, don’t spike your hair into a mohawk and wear torn jeans. Try a well cut suit with a flourescent yellow tie. You always want to be edgy, but you want it to describe your personality. Have your whole wardrobe go together, like courses in a meal. You don’t want to have some cool trendy clothes, and then have the rest of your shirts be free T-shirts you got at a trade show. If you can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe, however, just focus on the basics. Get a good pair of jeans that fit you well, a decent pair of shoes, and a few shirts that fit well. And of course, get one signature item that you always wear. As I write this for the revised edition of Make Her Chase You, I’m on a trip around the world with only a tiny backpack full of the essentials. My hat made the cut. You will undoubtedly face criticism from some of your friends or family at your new look. Ignore them. They don’t know what’s attractive and what isn’t, and probably aren’t attracting ANYONE with their clothes. An interesting option for pants is to get a pair of women’s jeans if you’re skinny. This is a much more common practice than you’d imagine. Girls’ clothes tend to be less bland than clothes for men, so for $20 you can get an interesting pair of jeans with a good cut. Eccentricities I wouldn’t advise that you go out and make a concerted effort to affect new mannerisms, but realize that differences between you and the norm are by definition the things that make you you, so they should be celebrated. Make Her Chase You Page 30 Never be embarrassed about anything you do differently, as it will reek of insecurity. If you are embarassed about your unique characteristics, then you are embarassed about who you are as a person. Girls can read this from a mile away. A good example is drinking. I’ve never had a drink, and never plan to. I personally believe that it’s a rather stupid thing to do. When I tell some people, they insist that they’d feel awkward without a drink in their hand, or they come up with ways to avoid letting girls know they don’t drink. I don’t make a moral lecture out of it, but I’m more than happy to tell girls that I don’t drink, and why. I also don’t really swear. I don’t think that there’s anything particularly wrong with profanity, just that it’s a bit classier not to use it. Rather than try to fit in by sounding like everyone else, I use my own vocabulary and thus set myself apart from the common man that girls are so sick of. Tyler is a redhead, and naturally very pale white. When girls would bring up how pasty he was, he never got defensive about it. Instead he would go on the offensive telling girls that tanning causes skin cancer and that he’s an aristocrat. Aristocrats are pale, he says, because they stay inside rather than work on the field. It’s such a hilarious answer that girls couldn’t help but be intrigued – and maybe feel a bit self conscious about their tans. One of my recent girlfriends cited two different events as the time that I won her over: The first was when she was hanging out with me and I lectured her for 10 minutes about the importance of getting cryogenically frozen after death. It was so random and I seemed so into it that she was charmed. Make Her Chase You Page 31 The next was when I decided that I absolutely had to see the movie Road Trip with her. We couldn’t find it, so she wanted to settle on another movie. Instead I drove to Wal-Mart, got a motorized old person cart, put her on my lap, and drove around looking for the movie. Acting like this is interesting. It awakens a part of her brain that hasn’t been spoken to in years. It invites curiousity and makes her wonder what’s coming next. Don’t be afraid to exaggerate your mannerisms to become more memorable. If a girl sees that I occasionally eat fruit, it seems normal. If I am always carrying an orange around, she wonders why I do that, and it becomes part of my character. If Popeye occasionally ate spinach, no one would notice, but since he does it all the time, we associate it with him and he becomes more memorable. Drive Let’s say that two planes are leaving one afternoon. One is leaving from Omaha, Nebraska and is headed for Costa Rica. The other one is leaving from Los Angeles and is heading for Seattle, Washington. You have a ticket on each plane, and can choose to be magically transported to the airport in LA or in Nebraska. Which do you choose? Stupid question, right? The location of the terminal is totally irrelevant. The plane going to Costa Rica is a better choice because Costa Rica is probably a lot more fun than Seattle. Girls feel the same way. They don’t really care where you are now; they care where you’re going and how motivated you are to get there. Make Her Chase You Page 32 Everyone has driving passions in their lives. I want to be a billionaire, buy my own island, and go to space. What’s interesting is that having drive to get my goals is a more potent attractor than what my goals actually are. In other words, a guy who is working towards getting an island is often times more exciting than one who already has an island and is tired of it. I’ve seen many girls get bored of their boyfriends who make six figures a year and are content to keep earning that much and watch TV all day. It’s not exciting. You should talk openly about your goals with passion and motivation. Tell her about things that you know she won’t care about, like your aspirations to be a chess champion. Chess isn’t interesting to most girls, but your quest to become a champion will interest her. If you don’t have goals, get some! They don’t have to be about making money or getting rich. They should be about whatever you’re interested in. For a while I lived in a penthouse in downtown Austin. It was one of the ten best condos in the whole city. One day I decided that I was sick of having so much stuff. I wanted to live simply with as few posessions and responsibilities as possible. I sold everything I owned, including the condo and my car. I then bought a very small RV and parked it on the side of the road near my favorite restaraunt. Not even in a trailer park just on the side of the road. I lived there for nine months. My RV on the side of the road. Was it a problem to bring girls back to the tiny RV? Not at all - they were intrigued by my drive to be totally portable and live a simple life, so they loved the RV. Make Her Chase You Page 33 Take stock of her goals. Most people have goals in their lives, and if you can relate to her goals and help motivate her, she’ll love you for it. I remember a girl in Hollywood who waited tables at my favorite club. I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up, and she told me she wanted to be a cartoonist. I immediately launched into a speech about how she had to follow her dreams and just do it. I’m not sure that she ever did, but I know she enjoyed the fantasy of it that I created and the faith I had in her. Excitement and Optimism Being excited about your goals isn’t enough. You should be excited about lots of things. The world that we live in is a truly astounding place. Whether you believe a man in the sky made it or that it evolved over an eternity, the result is something incredible. Unlike all the other species on Earth, we not only have the ability to think and move our thumbs, but we also have computers, cars, airplanes, whole grain bread, and a bunch of other amazing things. No matter what your situation is, you are incredibly fortunate to be alive. When I think about this, I get excited. Most people in this country, and possibly the world, are bored. They do the same routine every day, and they see the same things. They meet new people occasionally and bore each other with lame conversation. Long gone is the childlike wonder for the world that causes little kids smile all the time. When you meet a new girl, realize that these are the people that she deals with every day. She is dying to meet someone different who’s excited about Make Her Chase You Page 34 his life. When you’re excited it’s contagious, and girls can’t help but share your excitement. This may be the most important piece of advice I’ve given you so far. If you can control the excitement level of the conversation, you will get the girl more often than not. I’ve had so many girls tell me that when they’re with me they feel happy, that they can do anything, and that they’re never bored, but that they don’t know why. I know why. It’s because I’m an excited person, and I like to share that enthusiasm for life with other people. Movies tell us that cool people are stoic rocks of emotion who walk around with poker faces. This simply isn’t true. All of the coolest people I know are extremely excited about life, their projects, and seeing other people succeed. Cool people only act “cool” in emergency situations, and you should too. If you’re trapped in someone’s volcano lair... that’s the time to transcend your emotions and be cool. When you’re meeting women, it’s time to be fun and exciting. When I moved to Hollywood I was shocked at how excited each of the pickup artists was. Each one was excited about our new house in Hollywood, excited about his projects, and generally excited about life. None of those people, the most seductive people in the world, were quiet and reserved. That’s just not how it works in the real world. I used to eat all of my meals at the vegan restaurant across from my RV. It’s the exact kind of food I like to eat, and I can eat as much as I want for a good price. The menu changed every day, all the employees knew me, and my friends frequently joined me to eat there. Make Her Chase You Page 35 Even though most girls I meet aren’t vegan or even healthy eaters, they can’t help but enjoy my enthusiasm for the restaurant. They join me eating there and get into it as well It’s vital to be both excited about life, but also be optimistic about the future. Since there’s no cost to doing so, and there could be some benefit, why not assume everything is going to work perfectly? I attribute a lot of my success in different areas of my life to my undying optimism. It’s surprisingly easy to become an optimistic person, and it’s one of the main traits that determines whether or not someone is considered to be charismatic. Many years ago, I wasn’t always happy and optimistic. I had my share of negative thoughts and worries. Then one day, for no real good reason, I decided that any time I had a negative thought, I would immediately try to find something uplifting about it. The good thought didn’t have to outweigh the bad – it just had to be there. I resolved to try this for one month. For the first month it was a cumbersome process, but I stuck with it. If I got a flat tire, I would think about how at least I got to get some fresh air while I changed it. If I lost money (I used to be a professional gambler), I would think about how lucky I was to be able to lose money and still be ok. If I lost a bet to a friend, I’d be glad that he felt good about winning. After a month I decided that I liked this process, so I tried it for another month. When the third month rolled around, I realized that I had forgotten all about my happy experiment. For a second I was disappointed, but then I realized that I was still doing it – it had just become automatic. Since then it’s been easy to maintain. I don’t even think about it anymore, and I find myself only having positive thoughts. Since the day I started I have Make Her Chase You Page 36 been an incredibly happy person and I can’t think of a single bad thing that’s happened to me since. It’s not much of a stretch to realize that girls notice that I’m always happy and positive, and want to be around me because of it. If she gets bad news, or is in a bad mood, use this as an opportunity to cheer her up, not an opportunity to complain with her. Let her vent if that’s what she needs to do, respond appropriately (“I’m sorry to hear that… “), and then change the subject. “Hey, that really sucks. So how was your day besides totally wrecking your car?” Saying something like that is usually funny enough that she’ll take the bait and get in a better mood. Try the 30 day happiness challenge for yourself. All you have to do is notice when you get upset, and think of ONE positive aspect about the thing that’s making you upset. How Good do you Have to Be? I spent over a year without being single. I had a long term relationship with one girl, started seeing another girl (which, of course I was open about with her), stopped seeing her, and then kept seeing the new girl. During that year, other than hosting Tazeroke (an event I invented where people sing karaoke and I taze them with an 800,000 volt stun baton if they’re bad), I didn’t go to a club once. My game was rusty. Really rusty. A friend of mine was opening a club in Austin, so I had to go out and check it out. In my tiny RV closet I had two shirts that were appropriate for an upscale club. I put one on and headed out. Make Her Chase You Page 37 It was opening night, and the club was packed. There was a mob of people outside trying to get in. Inside were the most beautiful girls in all of Austin and a lot of the coolest guys as well. I stood around chatting with my friends when I saw two girls about to walk by us. One was a tall blond with curly hair and the other was a short Asian girl. “Hey guys, give me a boost. I need to climb up there and show those cage dancers how to be sexy.” They laugh and I start telling them my stories. It’s going well, but not great. I don’t have that edge that’s only honed by going out regularly. They’re not leaving, but they’re not totally thrilled to be there either. I decide to break out a new idea I had come up with - talk about something inappropriate within the first few minutes to really catch their attention. “ You know, you guys better watch out. I’m a feminist and I believe in equal rights, including the right to be slapped. Keep being sassy and you could be getting a close up of this guy.” I waved my hand in the air. “ You would never slap me!” said the blonde. “Oh yeah I would. I’ve slapped many girls.” “He’s lying,” said the Asian girl. “I’m not lying. In fact, I had this friend who kept doing something annoying. I told her that if she did it one more time, I’d slap her.” “Did she do it?” “ Yep.” “Did you slap her?” Make Her Chase You Page 38 “ Well, I gave her one more warning. I said ‘look, I’m giving you this warning because you’re my friend, but I will really slap you if you do it again.’ She sized me up and did it one more time. Then I slapped her.” “Oh my god. What did she do?” “She took it.” “I would be so pissed at you if you slapped me,” said the blonde. I switched to a serious voice and looked her in the eye with a small smile. “No. You’d love it.” After that they were there to stay. I introduced them to my friends and told them some more stories. I noticed that my stories weren’t getting the big reactions I was used to. I was out of practice, but it was still fun. “Oh my god! Do you paint your nails!?” I paint them silver usually, and that night was no exception. “ Wow! They’re really good. Who does them for you?” “I do. I dated a girl whose mom owned a salon and she taught me how.” I then launched into an explanation of how to properly paint your nails. I explained it in excruciating detail, which made them laugh because most guys don’t know these things. “But... I like manicures too. I’ve always wanted to go to Cuba Libre on Tuesdays. They have manicurists at the bar, so you can go out and get a manicure.” “ Wow, that sounds so cool!” “ Yeah, you and I will go next week and get our nails done.” “Ok.” Make Her Chase You Page 39 This is an important point here. I’ve playfully suggested us meeting up again. Because I say it playfully she cannot possibly refuse, even if she doesn’t want to go. If she does it will seem very rude and not fun. It’s not a firm commitment by any measure, but it’s a step in the right direction. I immediately changed the topic so that she would wonder if I was serious and not think that I was overly interested in going out with her. After about an hour, my voice was totally shot. I decided to go sit on a couch with some of my friends. I quickly excused myself and sat and drank water for an hour. The club was an amazing sight. They had hired live drummers to run around drumming to the music, so I zoned out, enjoyed the music, and watched people dance. Finally the club was beginning to wind down. I thought about getting the blonde’s number, but I honestly didn’t think I’d done well enough. I’m used to delivering really high level game, and I could identify a lot of mistakes I’d made over the night. I was too eager to tell some stories. I didn’t change the subject enough. I didn’t touch her enough or talk about anything sexual. She walked by where I was sitting, apparently looking for her coat. I knew better than that. She was hoping I’d ask for her number. “Hey, it was really good talking to you. I had to come sit over here because my voice is wrecked. I haven’t been out in a long time.” “I know... my voice is shot too... Hey... are we going to get our nails done?” Bingo. “ Yeah, I can’t go this week, but let’s do it next week.” Make Her Chase You Page 40 I hand her my phone and she puts in her number. The next week I call her while I’m wandering around campus looking for my RV. I was filming a promo for a small TV appearance as a dating coach and in my haste to get to the station, I’d totally forgotten where I’d parked. I chatted for a few minutes and then told her I’d call her on Thursday when they did the manicures at the club. That Thursday we got our nails done. One of the nail technicians (yeah, that’s what they call themselves) asked if we were a couple. Before I could make a funny comment, she answered quickly, “Oh no, nothing like that. Just friends.” Normally I would ignore this completely because girls ACTIONS mean a lot more than their words. But I was already underwhelmed with my performance the other day so I wasn’t expecting much. Don’t get me wrong - I was still doing most things right, I just wasn’t on fire like I prefer to be. “Hey, my friends and I are going to go eat miracle berries. Want to come?” Miracle berries are these weird African berries I’d heard about on the internet. When you eat one it coats your tongue with a protein that blocks all sour flavors for twenty minutes. You can eat lemons and limes and they taste like candy. She was intrigued so she came along. The miracle berries were amazing, and I knew that if nothing else, this would be the most interesting “date” she’d ever been on. She drove me back to my RV where she had picked me up, and I got out. I should have gone for the kiss or invited her in, but I hesitated and it was too late. Make Her Chase You Page 41 Two days later she called me and told me that she was at Magnolia Cafe, a 24 hour diner, with some friends, and asked if I wanted to go. I needed a break from work, so I headed over. When I got there I saw that she was with a guy and a girl. Perfect. A guy to eclipse and a girl to win over. It didn’t take long. A few stories in and the guy had stopped trying to tell stories because his couldn’t compete. I could tell that the girl really wanted for me to hook up with the blonde girl. “ We’re lesbians. She’s GREAT in bed, you know,” she said jokingly and winked at me. When that happened I knew that the blonde had told her that she was interested in me. After we finished eating, I offered to give them rides back to their cars since they took cabs from the club. Once I dropped off the friends I was going to tell the blonde to come back to the RV. My plot was foiled, however, when I found out that the two girls had driven together. I went back to the RV alone. I was pretty happy with my performance that night... the one time at the club and the one night with her getting manicures had warmed me up quite a bit. I got under the covers and began to drift off when I heard my phone ring. “Hello?” “Hey. Can I come over?” “Sure.” Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in pickup and believe that you have to be a master pickup artist who performs perfectly every time. That’s not true. Make Her Chase You Page 42 In this situation I did a lot of things right, but I did a lot of things wrong as well. The simple fact is that you just have to be better than every other guy. Fortunately for you, they’re doing almost everything wrong, so that isn’t all that difficult on a task. Don’t be afraid of making a few mistakes - focus on doing the best you can at all times, and that should be enough. You could actually ignore about half the stuff in this book and still become very good with women. The reason I try to cover every last aspect is to give you more opportunites to do things right. Make Her Chase You Page 43 Do Looks Matter? Only to us. As you’re quite aware, looks are the most important factor to us menfolk. There’s a reason that most pornography used by men is visual, either pictures or video. Most of us require (or at least prefer...) a great personality in our female counterparts as well, but without her looks we don’t care too much about her personality. Don’t beat yourself up about it, that’s just how things are. Women are different, though. If they watch porn, they do it out of amusement rather than excitement. When they fantasize, they close their eyes and use their imaginations. They consume romance novels by the truckload rather than the Playboy magazines we “read”. The fundamental sexual difference between women and men is that men are turned on visually, and women are turned on through language and emotion. It’s hard for us to grasp this, since we can’t really relate, so deep down inside most of us think that our looks matter. Women hardly care what we look like. They do care about how well groomed we are and how we dress, because they read into these things as indicators of our personality. They’re usually right, which is why it’s important to be well groomed and do dress in a way that reflects your personality. There are good looking men, bad looking men, and average looking men. 90% of men are average looking, which is good enough. Five percent are so good looking that women consider them rare and will be especially attracted to them, and 5% are bad enough looking that they will start off at a disadvantage (this is hardly insurmountable - I’ve seen some extremely ugly successful guys). Make Her Chase You Page 44 The one significant advantage that good looking guys have over us average guys is that they think looks are important, and know that they are good looking. This typically breeds a very confident attitude, which is extremely sexy to women. This confidence attracts women, which they credit to their natural good looks, and thus the myth is perpetuated. A very strange phenomenon that I and others have noticed is that when girls are attracted to you because of your game, they will think that you are physically attractive. Before getting into the game I received few if any compliments on my looks, which wasn’t a surprise. I’m not in the bottom 5%, but as you’ve probably noticed from my picture, I’m about average looking at best (incidentally, guys have a hard time judging how attractive each other are because 90% of us fit in that middle category). Once I got into the game, I started getting compliments like they were going out of fashion. Girls would tell me how hot I was. When they were to guess what my job was, many would guess model or actor! Grooming Grooming is very important to women, so let’s get up on it. The gravest issue we face is hair maintenance. Unlike (most) women, pores all over our bodies are hair sprouting factories which occasionally need to be put into check. Eyebrows Pluck your eyebrows. It makes your face appear cleaner and “opens up your eyes”. I have no idea what that means exactly, but Katya was a makeup artist and she always said that. The most important part is between your brows. Get some tweezers and individually pluck hairs by grasping the hair as close to the skin as possible Make Her Chase You Page 45 and pulling. If a girl or a professional does it, they will also pull extra hairs around the brow to slightly shape it. This looks great but hurts a lot, unlike between the eyebrows. Armpits I’ll bet you didn’t know that you had to bring blades anywhere near this area. You do. Trimming is a minimum, but you may want to consider shaving. Every girl I’ve ever asked has preferred shaved armpits. If it sounds a bit too feminine for you, consider this : bodybuilders shave their armpits, and they’re pretty manly. That’s how Mystery convinced me that it was a good idea. Chest and Back Chest and back hair are ok left alone if you’d like to remain only moderately high maintenance. Trimming chest hair is easy and looks good. I have no back hair, but I believe that waxing is probably the only option there. Most women don’t have problems with chest and back hair, so feel free to leave them alone. Nether Regions Truthfully this isn’t an issue unless it’s too late for it to be an issue, but it’s nice to have a pleasant surprise waiting for your fair maiden. To put it politely, “there should be a nicely trimmed mustache, but never a beard.” Since you’re probably wondering, a Mach 3 will never nick you there. I don’t know how this magic works, but I promise that it does. Make Her Chase You Page 46 Skin The quality of your skin can make a difference as well. As a disclaimer, I used to have moderate acne and it never interfered with my game. There was also a pickup artist friend of mine who had bad acne and did just fine. The main reason I’m including this is because it’s an insecurity many people have, and I happen to know the best ways to deal with it. The absolute best way to deal with acne is through your diet. When I stopped eating sugar, white flour, and all animal products, my skin cleared up completely with no additional work necessary. It was amazing, and is only one of many reasons that I’d passionately reccomend that you go vegan (read my personal blog at www.betterthanyourboyfriend.com for more information). If you won’t go vegan, the next best option is benzoyl peroxide. The highest quality product at the cheapest price (go figure!) lives at www. acne.org along with some great information on clearing your acne. It didn’t work 100% for me, but I noticed a massive improvement within a few weeks of using it. I know we’re now encroaching on the realm of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy here, but I’ve also found that using a facial moisturizer makes a noticable difference. Apply it every day after you shave (or if you don’t shave everyday, right after you dry your face after your shower), and you’ll notice that your skin is smoother, softer, and seems to glow a bit. I frequently forget to do this, but if you’re dedicated to good skin, it’s probably worth a try. One last skin tip, while I’m at it. My ex girlfriend had some of the best skin I’d even encountered during my sweet time here on earth. Her trick was to cover her face in Vaseline before going to sleep. In fact, during the winter she Make Her Chase You Page 47 would wear gloves with vaseline in them and socks with vaseline in them to bed. This seems extremely strange to me, but I can’t argue with the results. She had great skin. Make Her Chase You Page 48 The Chase One of the most important things you’ll find in pickup is that you must encourage the woman to chase you. Hence the name of this book. Too often men try to play the role of romantic pursuer, only to get resented and left for a man she can chase after. This is unattractive behavior and is sure to turn any woman off. My female friends frequently laugh with me about guys who go overboard trying to pursue them. On the other hand, when one of them can’t get the guy, she can’t stop telling me how amazing he is. The obvious solution is to act like she’s chasing you. This is completely effective when done properly, but most people do it so poorly that it is worse than just chasing her in the first place. As an example, let’s say you wanted to ask a girl on a date. A typical guy might say, “Could I take you out to dinner some time?” This is an awful thing to say because it implies that spending time with her is some great privilege, which indicates that you are not worth her time. The typical guy who’s trying too hard to act like he’s being chased might take things to an extreme and say something like, “I know you want to go out with me, so if I can make time on my schedule, we can have dinner some time.” This may sound ridiculous, but I’ve seen many guys say inane things like this. She knows that you want to go out with her too, so taking it to this extreme is setting yourself up for disaster. Better is something more subtle, like “Hey, if we’re both free this weekend, we should hang out.”This shows interest, but the “we’re both free” is so casual that it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to indicate that you’re busy. The statement also doesn’t show much enthusiasm – in fact it’s more like conversation between two friends. Make Her Chase You Page 49 Your attention Never give a girl too much attention while you’re in the earlier stages of dating. It shows too much eagerness and can indicate that you’re chasing her. When she calls, answer only half the time. Take a long time to return her calls. I personally never answer calls if I’m around other people because I think it’s rude, so I usually don’t answer calls anyway. Try making a date with her and then cancelling a day in advance. Don’t give her a serious excuse but rather just apologize mysteriously, “Hey, I was really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, but I’m not going to be able to make it. Hopefully we’ll be able to reschedule some other time.” See how that not only shows that you have lots going on in your life, but also shows that her attention isn’t that important? Maybe you’ll reschedule maybe you won’t. She will judge your relative worth based on the relative amount of attention you give her. If you give her ALL of your attention (as most guys with crushes do), then she will think that you like her way too much. She’ll be scared to show any affection to you, because she’ll wonder if she’s leading you on and get worried about how difficult it will be to break up with you when the time comes. Devote most of your attention to your normal life and treat her as if she’s on probation - you’re still not sure if she’s going to get a permanent place in your life or not. If you do this she won’t worry about you getting too invested and she’ll be able to enjoy her time with you and allow herself to become attracted. The key is to show that you’re interested, but not concerned. This will invariably cause her to become more interested and concerned. Make Her Chase You Page 50 Your Standards Let her know that you have high and specific standards. Chances are that she meets almost all of these standards, but not some of them. Imagine that a girl told you she wanted to date a guy who was “tall, drove an SUV, liked swimming, and had blue eyes”, and you were tall, drove an SUV, liked swimming, but had brown eyes. You would constantly wonder if you made the cut or not, and would try to emphasize your best features. I learned this when a girl did it to me by accident. We were already in a relationship, but it still made me feel like I had to chase her. Of course, I didn’t give in to the temptation. If you make her feel like you have high standards, and she meets them, she will feel honored to be with you. If she gets the impression that you’re willing to date any girl who’s willing to date you, she won’t want the job. Refuse to Chase Her Girls are naturally very good at the game. She will try to make you chase to get her, but you must always refuse. Any time she makes a request of you that would result in you taking action that looks like chasing, you must refuse to do it, and possibly make a mockery of it. “Oh, I can’t go out with you tonight because my friends want to go out. Do you want to meet us downtown?” Sounds tempting, but no, you don’t want to meet her downtown. A typical lapdog would follow her around, scampering for every last crumb of attention. But not you. Make Her Chase You Page 51 A perfect answer would be, “Oh, that’s perfect. My friends wanted to get together to watch the OC anyway, so we’ll just hang out some other time.” Notice the subtleties in that last sentence. I reframe her flaking as a good thing, showing that I was hoping to get out of the date anyway. I refuse to follow her around, so that she realizes that her attention isn’t that valuable to me. Lastly, and most subtle, I say that I’m going to watch the OC. Mostly girls watch the OC, so she will assume that I’m hanging out with another girl. That will make her jealous, and you can bet that she won’t flake again. These sorts of subtleties are lost on most men, but women analyze everything people say and are much more perceptive. They know that men aren’t as perceptive, and will assume that you let these details slip by accident. At the same time, make sure that you’re able to clearly evaluate what constitutes chasing and what doesn’t. Her cancelling plans so that she can hang out with other friends and you still tagging along is chasing. Her asking to meet an hour earlier because she has a dentist appointment is being reasonable. Tell her about other girls in your life Is she the only girl you’re seeing? Unless you’ve been dating for a while, she shouldn’t be. You should definitely ask her for advice or tell her funny stories about other girls you’re seeing. She will notice that you’re well liked by women, feel competition with them, and want to chase you to ensure that she wins. If you don’t believe me, watch one episode of Elimidate. Make Her Chase You Page 52 Attitude The world is your playground This is one of the truest statements I know. Outside your house there’s an almost inconceivable amount of space filled with diversions and people. In a given day you’re confronted with thousands and thousands of choices ranging from the inconsequential to the life changing. Social norms are often times appropriate, but sometimes they get in the way. I’d like to encourage you to think of pickup outside of the box. It doesn’t have to be the default concoction of you, a loud club, and drunken girls. Some of my most fun and successful pickups have taken place when I was exploring the world. Some examples: I was shopping at Target when I saw an attractive girl looking at some items on the shelf. I sped up and slammed my cart into hers. As they hit I yelled “HEY! Watch where the hell you’re going!” She quickly apologized, and then burst into laughter after she realized that she hadn’t even been moving her cart when I hit her. I then examined the items in her cart and made fun of a few of them. I had made a routine errand exciting for her, so she insisted on getting my number. Another time I was at my favorite supermarket when I saw a smoking hot girl in the frozen foods section. I walked up to her and said “Hey, can I have a ride?” She was puzzled, but agreed to let me sit on the end of her shopping cart and get pushed around. I told her to tell me what she wanted and that I would grab it – speed shopping. She couldn’t stop laughing as I tried to grab grated cheese while she pushed me past it. Make Her Chase You Page 53 On an airplane I saw a beautiful girl in the line ahead of me. We were flying Southwest, which has unassigned seating. When it was my turn to get on the plane it was still mostly empty, with plenty of window and aisle seats available. She had taken the window seat in a row that also had someone in the aisle seat. I walked up to her and said, “ Whoa! Did you save this awesome seat just for me? You shouldn’t have done that!” She laughed and joked that she did. I sat down, and talked with her the whole time, getting her number as I left the plane. In a more elaborate plan to amuse myself, my wingman and I called each other and split up. He handed his phone to a beautiful girl leaving the gym. “It’s for you,” he said. I was on the other end, and I just started talking to her like I knew her forever. After five minutes or so I walked over to her friend and handed my phone to her, saying “It’s for you.” When they realized that they were talking to each other, they burst into laughter. We later had date where I almost killed her accidentally, but more about that later. It’s easy to turn mundane everyday events into really fun experiences. You end up with a story, a more fun life, and a different perspective. When you meet a girl in a club and do a so-so job of picking her up, you blend in and become hard to distinguish from the other guys she met that night. If you smash into her cart at the grocery store, she will probably always remember you. I’ve had girls remember me years after meeting them once because of things like this. Make Her Chase You Page 54 Out of Your League? When you’re beginning pickup, it’s easy to assume that certain girls are out of your league. The truth is that the only way a girl is out of your league is if you decide in your mind that she’s out of your league. I am an average looking guy at best. I’m not a celebrity and I’m not rich. Still, when I was in LA I wooed several models – girls who are paid for their beauty. I even once stole a beautiful girl from an A-list actor. The simple fact is that every girl, whether she’s average or stunning, will respond to attractive qualities in a man. In fact, I’ve found that it’s actually easier to pick up gorgeous girls. They’re so used to guys losing their confidence and treating them like goddesses, that when you stay confident and treat them like normal people, they will respond very strongly to it. Less attractive girls are more used to guys being confident around them, so the shock value is lessened. They can also gain validation by shooting down a guy who seems too good to be true. If she doesn’t think she’s going to get with you, then she can reject you and tell her friends: “Oh, this guy was totally hitting on me but I told him I had a girlfriend. Haha!” This lets her save face, rather than having to say: “This guy was totally hitting on me. I was really into him, but he didn’t like me. I want to eat fudge ice cream and cry.” A very attractive girl, however, gets no validation from rejecting guys. She knows that she can get any guy she wants, so she gets more validation from selecting a great guy. Be that guy. Make Her Chase You Page 55 One night I was out picking up with Mystery. I sat with an average looking girl for about half an hour. We exchanged numbers and Mystery and I moved on to another club down the street. As we walked he asked if I was going to call her. “No.” “ Why not?” “She’s not that hot. I always get these numbers from girls I’m not attracted to, and I end up never calling them.” “So why don’t you only approach hot girls?” It was the elusive obvious. Somehow it never occurred to me that I should only be approaching girls I was attracted to. After that I began to approach the hottest girls in the club, and my success rate skyrocketed. I learned that not only was I in their league, but that pickup was more fun because I was actually excited about doing it. A good rule of thumb is to approach the hottest girl in the club first, then the next hottest, and on down the ladder. This way you’ll always be approaching the most attractive girls, but you won’t have the cop out excuse of “there weren’t any 10s at the club, so I didn’t approach.” Willingness to leave This section will surely draw criticism for being “unromantic”. That’s ok, because it’s necessary. Always be willing to leave. Always. If you’re talking to a girl, be willing to lose her attention. If you’ve gone on one date, be ready to never see her again. If you’re in a relationship, be ready to break up at any time. Make Her Chase You Page 56 The one possible exception is marriage, which is an institution I have no experience with, and thus can’t offer any useful insight into. My educated guess, though, would be that you should be ready to divorce. Pay attention to my choice of words. You don’t have to be eager to leave, just willing if the circumstances justify it. If she grows to disrespect you and act in a way that isn’t acceptable to you, it’s time to jet. When you see a guy who has given up his willingness to leave he’s in trouble. I’ve seen so many men who are treated like dirt by their girlfriends, but they stay in the relationship. They’re willing to compromise their standards and dignity to hold on to a bad relationship. When I’m with a girl, she knows that I could break up with her at any point and return to my normal state of solitary exuberance quickly. This makes her realize that if our relationship is valuable to her, then she has to treat me with respect and affection. If she decides to play too many rounds of the “let’s see what I can get away with game”, she’ll find herself single in a heartbeat. I’d never suggest that you flaunt your power, though. As they say, with great power comes great responsibility. Never threaten to break up and hold it over her head. Just tell her what your standards for being and staying in a relationship are. And make sure you’re really willing and not just acting willing. If you say that you aren’t going to be with a girl who cheats, and then she cheats, you must leave her. If you don’t, then she will never take you seriously or respect you. Katya was a prime example. When we first started dating, I told her that I wouldn’t consider having a serious relationship with someone who drank regularly. Make Her Chase You Page 57 I didn’t want to change her, but I also didn’t want to violate my standards. She told me that she was considering quitting anyway, and that it was what she wanted to do. Maybe it was foolish for me to believe that, but I really did like her. Eventually she started drinking again and it got the point where I resented her for it. I had to leave her. When I broke up with her, I still loved her. I drove her to the airport and watched her until she was out of sight. I drove home sobbing, but satisfied that I’d made the right move. Leaving was hard, but I was willing to do it. If you want to be respected, then prove that you respect yourself first by sticking to your principles at all times. Dealing with Rejection During your tenure as a pickup artist, you will be confronted with rejection, probably a lot more than you’d like to be. I remember in my early days I used to go to a place called “Dallas Nightclub”, which was a giant doughnut shaped bar that surrounded a dance floor. My wing and I would walk around the doughnut taking turns opening and getting summarily rejected. It’s part of the game, so get prepared for it. First, realize that you are not getting rejected. Your approach is getting rejected. Rejection is one of the few times in life that you are getting 100% honest feedback on your pickup technique. She doesn’t know you, what you’re like, what your hobbies are, or who your friends are. Her experience with you is counted in seconds or minutes, and is probably not representative of you as a person. Taking it personally should be impossible. Make Her Chase You Page 58 Learn from your rejection. What caused her to decide that it wasn’t worth getting to know you? Was it your body language, your opener, your posture, or simply that she was busy talking with a friend? Evaluating these things honestly will help you in the future. Approaching a girl is always a win-win situation. You improve your game and either meet a new girl or learn something about your game. She gets the option of meeting a great guy, or if she rejects you she’ll still be flattered that you hit on her. When you look at the big picture, you realize that nothing bad can come of it. It’s like getting a bucket full of lottery tickets for free. Most of them won’t be winners, but if just one is a winner it makes digging through the bucket worth it. Of course, you will still have approach anxiety. Some people have it all the time, some people have it rarely. There’s no good cure other than to talk to three groups of girls in a row. Once you do that, your anxiety will subside to a manageable level for that night, even if those first three groups didn’t go well. So force yourself to do it, knowing that group number four will be much easier. Talking vs. Doing There is one sure way to ruin any chance you have with a girl. People do this all the time, especially in friend zone situations. I’m talking about breaking down and confessing to a girl that you like her. “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time. I love you and I’ve loved you since we first met.” Guys watch movies where things like this work, and so they get this idea in the back of their heads that it must work sometimes. It’s a Hail Mary and it never works. Make Her Chase You Page 59 I think that most guys know that it doesn’t ever work, but they get this delusion that they’re different. They think about how easy it would be if she just blurted out back, “I love you too!”. All that stress and agony of not knowing what to do would go away. Never do this. Trust me - back in the day before I learned pickup, I would do this all the time. It never ever works. “But I don’t want to play games.” What we call “playing games” could just as easily be called, “giving girls the experience they want.” Girls want to feel comfortable and they want a natural progression. They need more time to become attracted to you than you need to be attracted to them. This sudden amorous confession is very jarring and not natural at all. It also shows a lack of confidence that you can actually attract her properly. Even if she does like you, she will always rebuff your advances as a knee jerk reaction. Don’t tell her you like her, show her that you like her by properly attracting her. Make Her Chase You Page 60 Storytelling Storytelling is both the most important skill in pickup, and strangely one of the most overlooked. When I first got into pickup, I learned all of the standard routines and used them successfully. Later I realized that routines weren’t successful because of their content, but rather because of a few characteristics they all shared. Over time I devised the structure that makes these routines successful. Soon, I was telling my own stories in the form of routines, and I found that this worked even better. Content First, realize that the content of the story is hardly important at all. I’ve heard people say, “but I have no good stories!” This is simply not true. What matters most about your story is the pacing of the story, and what it says about you. You want a story to give an accurate picture of your personality. Specifically, you want the story to express things that it wouldn’t be appropriate to directly articulate. There’s no occasion where it would be a good idea to say “I’m brave.”, but there are a lot of stories you could tell that would lead her to believe that you’re brave. In fact, very few direct statements can be made attesting to your greatness, leaving stories as one of the best ways to express these. Use this concept to word things very carefully. At first it will take effort, but soon you’ll find that it becomes second nature. I’m not sure that I’m capable of telling a story anymore that doesn’t make me shine. Make Her Chase You Page 61 Here’s a recent story which happened in my life that I like to tell. “The other day I was at pitch and putt. That’s like golf for people like me who suck at golfing. Anyway, we went to rent our clubs, and I noticed that on the counter there was a bad check that the owners had posted. I thought, ‘it’s so cool that we can just shame people like that. It’s sorta barbaric’. “As we played golf I wondered if the shaming did any good. I mean – did the guy ever have to deal with the consequences of writing a bad check? I decided to make sure that he did. “ We finished our game of golf, and came back to the counter. After returning our clubs, I looked at the check, wrote down the guy’s address and told the lady that I was going to go get her money for her. “I left the golf course and drove to the guy’s house to confront him…” That seems like a fairly innocuous story, but it’s actually loaded with good things about me. First I say that I’m bad at golf. Saying this right off the bat lets her know that I don’t take myself too seriously and that I’m not trying to impress her. After all, who would impress someone by saying that he’s bad at something? Next, I show that I’m curious by telling her that I thought about the bad check. I then show that I’m a generous guy because I tell the lady I’m going to collect her money for her. Lastly, when I say that I’m going to go confront this guy without even knowing what he’s like, she’ll get the impression that I’m confident, brave, and fearless. If she later comments on those qualities, I’ll likely downplay them. Girls know that actions speak louder than words. My actions have proved that I’m brave, so saying I’m not will only make me seem modest. Notice also that you really want to hear what happens next in the story. Every story is a simple arc… it starts off with setting the scene and then quickly Make Her Chase You Page 62 builds tension. I will never reveal the punch line of the story until I’ve built enough tension. The easiest way to build tension is to dwell on the moment before action takes place. When I tell this story to girls, I build up the drive over to the guy’s house, how I felt, walking up his stairs, knocking on the door, and waiting for him to answer. Practice doing this, and you’ll be able to pick up the cues in the girl’s expression to see how committed she is to hearing the punch line. In general, you want to keep the facts of the story as simple as possible. If you go on a tangent, that tangent had better have an arc just like your whole story. There’s nothing worse than a story starting, and then the storyteller says, “And then Bill and I got in the jeep. Bill is my friend who I met in high school, and he was in my chemistry class….” You will totally lose your listener in your tangent about Bill, and they will assume that since your tangent about Bill is boring, the rest of your story will be boring as well. On the other hand, feel free to add as many thoughts, emotions, and feelings to the story. These don’t confuse the listener, but they do enhance the experience of the story. When your story peaks and you reveal the punch line, end the story as quickly as possible. With no tension remaining in the story, it’s better to leave her wanting more. If she wants to hear more, she’ll ask questions. If she doesn’t seem interested in the story at the beginning, try building the tension early. If that doesn’t work, just cut off the story, ask a question to regain her interest, and then launch into a new story. (“ Wait… have you ever been to Panama? No? Well, if you go, you need to go to this little island….”). There’s nothing worse in a conversation than someone droning on about some story that you don’t care about. Be polite and cut off boring stories. Of course you’ll probably find that your most interesting stories are well received by any audience. Make Her Chase You Page 63 It’s also important to remember that if she or someone else interrupts your story to NEVER resume telling it. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s the most interesting story in the world. If she doesn’t ask for you to continue the story, then drop it. As you become a better storyteller, you’ll find that any story you’re telling will be so interesting that people will want to hear it to the end. After the first version of this book was released, several people requested that I include more stories. Here are two of my personal stories that yo